What It's Like to Be the Manic Pixie Dream Girl

So, by this day in age on the internet, I would like to assume that everyone and their mother has heard of the term "manic pixie dream girl." However, if by some chance you've been living under a rock for the last few years, I'll give you the low down. The term was coined by film critic Nathan Rabin after watching Elizabethtown starring Kirsten Dunst. Rabin describes this character trope as "that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures." So basically, a manic pixie dream girl is this wildly interesting girl who just so happens to have no real backstory or purpose, other than to show the male protagonist that life is awesome! It's really worth living! But the girl herself... is rather empty.

To be honest, at first glance the idea of this dream girl is sort of appealing. She's usually quirky, pretty in an interesting way, often dresses vintage or in eccentric clothing, and seems to be wise or quick-witted. As a young kid I did find these kinds of characters to be interesting because they were mysterious to me and had an air of coolness about them. However as I grew older I learned how damaging this trope can be for women.

As I have mentioned before, growing up I was very much into the culture of the 1960s. I wore babydoll dresses often, played around with doll-like makeup and teased my hair. At the time, I was simply doing these things for myself (and still do), but as I got older it became increasingly apparent that I was attracting some rather...interesting attention. In case you're unaware, there is a large culture of young men who're heavily invested in rock music and other aspects of 60's culture. To them, finding a girl like me was kind of like hitting some sort of jackpot. I know to say that sounds conceited, but honestly I'm just telling the truth. I was like a gamer girl in the vintage community...having someone like me on their arm, a girl who can hold her own in a conversation about music and play guitar, was the ultimate goal. To them, I was an appropriate substitute for someone like Penny Lane, or Pattie Boyd, or Marianne Faithfull. At first it always seemed like the guy had good intentions, I thought we would end up together as a perfect vintage couple... but this was because I always saw the guy as an entire human being and not just some dude with a guitar and shaggy hair. However, I can't say the same for the other party. Any time I opened my mouth on any subject other than music, other than The Beatles...these guys lost interest. It was like they suddenly realized that I was a three-dimensional human being and not just some cookie cutter Zooey Deschanel clone.

The thing is, I can't entirely blame this on the classic rock-loving boys. Unfortunately, most of the men I've associated myself with over the years have been the same. Any time I drift away from the girl they had preemptively decided I was, they lose interest. I'm the kind of person who likes to live life to the fullest, I love having a wild story to tell and I am always on the move. I surround myself with eclectic entertainment and make an effort to not be boring. I understand that in some ways some people may say I cater to this idea of the manic pixie dream girl, but that does not mean I like being treated as such. I am not here to guide you on some magical next chapter of your life, I am not here to show you a fun time over a few months before you decide you're bored, and I am certainly not here to sit in the corner in a mini dress and hair-bow while you tell me why Eminem is the greatest rapper ever. I am here to live my life to the absolute fullest and to share that with the people I love, and I'm sorry if you can't see beyond the dream girl YOU have created in your mind. I am not her.

And hey, I shouldn't go off writing this without at least mentioning that there is such a thing as a manic pixie dream boy as well. I'm not even going to act like I've never indulged in that daydream, as if I never sat in a class in high school (or even college) and stared down a boy that I thought would make the perfect boyfriend if only on a surface level. I don't mean to come here and drag anyone that has ever taken part in preserving this trope, only to maybe shed some light on the subject and get people to understand how it can be damaging. Every time a guy left me, every time they just all of a sudden decided I wasn't worth it, I questioned every part of myself. First I wondered if I wasn't pretty enough, then I wondered if I had been weird, and after I had examined every aspect of my body and brain I simply started to wonder if there was just something flat out wrong with me, and I'm sorry to myself for that. It's taken me a long time to learn that I've just had bad luck with boys, and that there is nothing wrong with me that would make me un-dateable.

Over the years (thankfully), I've seen the MPDG die off in the film and TV world where they seemed to take up house. Either they just don't show up anymore, or there have been enough thoughtful critiques or reveals of the laziness of the character trope that no one really dares to touch it anymore. Think of films such as Ruby Sparks, or even Paper Towns where the female leads actually have a moment with the male character in which they explain why he has to stop viewing her as some kind of magical girl instead of a real human being. In Ruby Sparks specifically, the main character literally creates a woman out of thin air and learns that he can control everything about her through his writing. Eventually he gets tired of her, and when she begins to notice he reveals to her that she is fake which results in an epic upset where he ends up freeing her from his type-writer hell and allows her to become her own person.

Unfortunately, it's hard to say if the same is happening in the real world. Everyday I continue to see some who still apply this trope to real life people, though with the ever expanding knowledge and popularity of social justice there is hope that one day, for the most part, it'll cease to exist.

Maybe then I'll find a good guy!