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To My Cousin

You destroyed me

By Karla MendozaPublished 4 years ago 4 min read
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I want to stay mad at you for the rest of my life but truthfully it is getting really tiring nowadays to be angry all the time. I getting frustrated in being sad for what you took away from me which felt like it was my whole world at the time, I was just a little girl who didn't know what was going on and was afraid to speak up about it.

You made sure that the little girl forgot her voice, forgot her strength and most of all made her carefree spirit turn to paranoid that all people are evil, that they have a hidden agenda with their kindness.

She was just starting to learn about yourself, started to looking at boys and wonder about them but you made her hate them with a burning passion. You sexual harassed her to the point where in her mind it was normal for it to be a everyday thing, not once did you look at her has your little cousin that you needed to protect from predators and evil outside of her family, but the evil monster was you just pretending waiting to attack. Why? That is what she wants to know why? How could you destroy her like you did.

She was twelve when she started to hate herself because she felt disgust, not pure enough for anything, she couldn't stand looking in the mirror to see her reflection.

Seeing those broken eyes staring back at her everyday, just reminding her of the numbness that she feels inside, the hurt, the betrayal that her own family would do this to her. The one person that she trusted with everything but she was wrong you were nothing but a monster playing pretended waiting to attack when she was unaware.

She was twelve when she first tried to kill herself, in fact it was right after you sexual assaulted her, took her by force no matter how much she begged and tried to run you wouldn't stop. Not once did you look at her has your cousin. You took her home, like it was nothing, like you didn't just killed her. She went to the bathroom and washed and just rub and rub trying to get clean but she never felt clean again, that was when she just wanted to die. She filled the bathtub with water and just sit there, tears running down her face, asking God why, Why did you let something like this happen to me. The pain was to much that she took pills and just went under the water, she thought maybe she would be free from the pain.

She woke up, under water realizing that she was not dead, realizing it wasn't a dream but her reality that she had to live with now.

The little girl that was once, is no more now she is just a shell of person, always faking a smile, laugh just to make it seem like everything is okay but inside she is broken, fighting the urge to just kill herself, she stop feeling anything, she was just numb and cold. Her wall was made of steel so nobody would hurt her again like he did. She learn to live with fear, disgust, the blade was her only friend, the only thing that made her feel something other then numbness and coldness,made her feel like she was still human some how.

She is fifteen and doesn't know how to love herself,she lets older guys take advantage of her because then they can't take it by force right? Fifteen and having scars all over her legs from where she would run her friend called blade.

Not a dropout of collage but a dropout of highschool, she wanted to be great well she did once now she just doesn't care, she hates being around people, hates having to talk to them,just wishes she could stay in a four wall room away from everyone.

Love to her does not exist. To her love is fake everyone want something ,learn to question everyone's attention and motive.

It gets easier some day's to be okay, to be able to say I'm starting to let go it will not control me anymore but there are some day's that get so hard to fight the memories and pain that come with it but in the end of the day, she has herself will always fight to live again. She will fight to become a better person, stronger because of it, she learn what she can handle and how much strength was inside.

To the cousin that didn't care thank you. You taught me to be strong, you taught me to fight my hardest battles on my own. Made me realize that I was stronger then what I thou.

I learn to be proud of every battle that I go thru, every tear, scar, every downfall with grace and dignity because I was already at my lowest and guess what I fought out of that.

So I know that I can fight thru every obstacle that the universe throws at me, with grace. Thank you for teaching me to be humble, to forgive without receiving a apologize, thank you for the lesson that I learn on not being able to trust everyone that comes along, because no matter how nice someone is they are always hiding something evil and monstrous behind that smile.

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About the Creator

Karla Mendoza

Hello my name is Karla, I'm a 21 year old that works full time and the grave yard shift which can be mentally exhausting a lot of the time especially if you have a running mind like mine

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