These Clothes Mean More Then Just Being Worn

Clothes make our identity and surge the self esteem, but does it play a part of our history? It's just a piece of material right?

Emily Spivack's book about personal stories of clothing items and how it pertained to their life or evolution. It became a New York Times Bestseller, and recently, it was adapted for a 8 episode docu-series on Netflix. After watching Worn Stories on Netflix (twice). It had me thinking about my own wardrobe and how it had a part to play for my history.

I'll be honest, I'm a little torn when it comes to clothes, I've tried to look at a minimalist lifestyle to just keep the valuable stuff or know when I'm just living in the same clothes that I prefer. I say that, and then I see a cute dress that its in my current style that challenges the routine I say I want. There is more of a control with my relationship to clothes to have fun with fashion, but not buy everything I see because it's cute or in style.

For these clothes, I didn't have this ecstatic reaction towards these pieces of clothing that is on par with the current style I'm into or finding something fantastic in the fabric. I just knew that this item was meant to be apart of my life for a reason I had to find out or at some point it would come into place. That's a lot of heavy idealisms towards something that is a piece of fabric. But there are certain clothes that we never fathom to be threaded into our lives.

At the time we find certain clothes, it is natural to be happy about getting an outfit that is new or different to wear. There are phases of styles in our evolution, the closets we have will always change every day or every year. But everyone has at least a couple items of clothing that weren't just something to put on to cover up or get self-esteem.

A mint green dress, a purple shirt, and a crop top are the articles of clothing that aren't just pieces of clothing to me, I'll share the history of their sentiment.

The Mint Green Dress & The First Date

It looks like just a casual dress right? There are a LOT of flower dresses, and heck, I own a lot of flower dresses, it should seem like it would just be another one to add to my wardrobe. But this turned out to play a part more then just a casual skater skirt dress.

I wore this mint green dress on the day I went on my first date in a while.

I was perusing through a store called Clothes Mentor, I didn't think I'd buy anything there because of my minimalist mentality to just buy the things I need, not just because its cute. Then, this dress caught my eye. I didn't see any other dresses in this tunnel vision. I walked over to it on the rack, I picked it up, turned it around to inspect it. When I felt the soft, mesh material, the first thing I thought was how much it was similar to another dress I have that is pink. It has the same short sleeve and skirt length, it was even from the same exact brand.

The design of the dress is very simple with just some pink and white flowers. That dress has a perfect balance between color and an elegant design. I bought it on a small little splurge purchase because I knew this was going to be important. But I didn't wear it yet, I wasn't going to wear it the next chance I got, no occasions to plan on wearing it for. For some pieces of wardrobe I buy, I just can't wait to wear it. With this dress, I came home, I washed it, and hung it up on the door of my closet. On the days that passed, I would stare at this dress and wonder when the day will be that I'm gonna wear it. I was patient to treat this item for the importance that I felt it had. I had to wait until I knew when I had to wear it. I just didn't know it yet...until August.

Then I got to talking with this great guy on a dating app, after weeks of talking, we set a date. I knew from this date, it was more then just figuring out romance and trying out the dating scene. It was gonna be much different than any other first date I ever had. This was a fresh start and I wanted to do something new . I decided that the first date would be the time that I would wear the new mint green dress.

When I was getting ready for this date, I already had a wonderful feeling in my stomach, by putting on this dress, I had my Cinderella transformation, my hair done, my heels on, and the most important part, wearing the dress for the magical feel. That dress truly felt magical knowing it was playing a part in a very important date. The date that I didn't know would change my life.

We set up our date at a coffee shop that I frequent, I saw him standing outside in a blue button up shirt and blue pants. We hugged, it was the strongest and safest hug I ever had. He told me he loved the dress, and complimented me on it, and he liked the fact that I painted my nails to match with the outfit. Then a few months later, this man became my boyfriend.

Months later into our relationship I had asked him a clothing question-

“What is the one outfit that I wore that you really like?”

And he answered with-

“Well you never wear it anymore, but I love the dress you wore on our first date.”

After asking that, I had it in my mind that I would wait until I caught him off guard and that he forgot about that question I asked. My boyfriend has an impressive memory, there are things he'll bring up that I forget I mentioned. I had to be sure I didn't give anything away to incline I'm planning for it. That way he couldn’t have predicted when I was going to wear it. A couple weeks later I showed up at his house in the date dress, I was waiting in anticipation to surprise him. A big grin was stretched onto my face, I wasn't sure if my smile could get bigger. When I saw him open the door to his house, I couldn't wait anymore and I got out of the car. I trotted around my car in my heels. As soon as he saw me, and saw the dress, a sweet smile etched onto his face. He was so happy to see me wearing the dress again and I told him that I wore it for him. And he said-

“You wore it just for me?”

We decided to go and have a spontaneous date, while we we were on our way, he had the on-the-spot idea to take our date back in time (no DeLorean required). The date was already going to be at a sushi place, we had sushi for our first date, I was wearing the green dress, and he asked me if I wanted him to change his outfit to the one he was wearing the day of our first date. I didn't hesitate to turn my Nissan Cube around back to his home so he could change clothes. He came out in the shirt he wore on our first date.

The Purple Shirt & The First Day Of Ninth Grade

Throughout school it’s always a staple that you have to dress your best for the first day. Even though let's state the obvious, did anyone really care about what the other was wearing on the first day? Everyone was just trying to get through the first day of school, zigging and zagging past other confused students to find their class. There was too much going on to figure out schedules on different days, and see if there were any familiar friends to get through classes. But parents wanted their kids to go to school for a special day or at least the outfit would help the day to be special by having that boost of self-esteem. Wearing a nice pair of pants with a button up shirt, or a nice skirt with a pretty patterned shirt.

And the beginning of high school was different for me because I was edging out of my dark clothes, all I wore was just black throughout 7th and 8th grade. I looked like I raided Ozzy Osbourne’s closet. I started feeling a bit happier after the rough two years of middle school, I felt comfortable enough to brighten up my wardrobe and wear something that wasn’t an anime t shirt with jeans.

My grandmother loved to take me back-to-school shopping, God bless her soul for being patient with me for the last two years of middle school of having to put up with my dark clothing palette choice. She was very happy to know that colors were back on shopping selections. Looking back on that shopping trip, I believe it was a shopping trip that was more valuable then any of the other back to school clothes hunts. This was my entrance to high school, and she felt happy to be the one to take her granddaughter for a festive and fun outfit. But my grandmother never pushed anything uncomfortable on me that wasn't in my comfort zone, she never pushed feminine clothes on me. She knew that I wasn't into certain styles, I hadn't gotten to that point yet and wanted me to find it for myself. All she wanted was for me to be comfortable, and she succeeded in finding that perfect piece of clothing to have for the first day of ninth grade. Personally, my grandmother was the most fashionable one in the family, she knew chic and style when she saw it, she could outdo everyone on the show Fashion Police.

My grandmother never failed to find something that worked for me, but her triumph truly was finding a purple shirt. It had soft material, wide sleeves that draped on my shoulder and it hugged my hips. This shirt was form fitting without being too tight so it never showed off my stomach rolls. It was the perfect shirt to wear for someone like me that still struggled with body issues.

One of my favorite colors is purple, so it was the best way to start the beginning of the school year was with my favorite color, I still was a little bit hesitant about being too colorful so I had to have that dash of black in there so I wore my purple short-sleeved elastic hip hugging shirt with a nice pair of black pants, and my checkered patterned shoes.

My purple shirt was the one piece that I wore prominently throughout ninth grade. I wore that shirt as many times as I could with many different outfit combinations. That shirt is the reason I wanted to experiment with styles, I even took a step further to include makeup in the regime. I had forgotten how vital that shirt was in my own evolution in my teens to embrace femininity.

I only have a few clothing items left from my teenage days, this purple shirt is the item that will remain with me because of what it did to help me enjoy being a girl for the first time.

The Black Crop Top & My Self Esteem

The last story has a pivotal part to play for my body positivity.

My body has been the negative nitpicking point for many years. I’ve been told about things I cannot wear because of my size. I struggled with my weight since I was 12 years old, for 14 years it’s been an ongoing fluctuation of my weight. The nitpicking was so severe that it altered my psyche to never try anything that would be too small because it meant that my stomach would show. I never wanted to wear anything with a midriff or slight show of stomach because I didn't want to set myself up for the nitpicking. I never got to a point that I was overweight but I’m not exactly classified to be called skinny either. It’s that weird in-the-middle that has a hard time being categorized especially for how a person fills into their body.

The society pressures are easing up now to be more embracing of a woman's body type. There are many fashion idols that I’ve come to love and respect for wearing something out of the norm and they look absolutely fantastic. It gave me the strength and the inspiration to do that for myself and I did that by buying something to wear what I was told not to. I started to make my mark with body positivity and not let negative comments dictate over my clothing choices.

I made the choice to be bold and confident to accept my body by making a purchase on Wish to get a crop top. I scoured and searched through numerous styles that would be the best pick for this fashion venture. When I found this top in my search, there was no other contender, didn't even put it in my watchlist, that little number was going to be purchased right then and there. My first thought I had about it was how much it looked like a Bridget Bardot top. To me, this shirt had everything I was looking for: not too revealing in the northern hemisphere of my body, something that was form fitting but not too tight, and something simple but bold.

During the waiting process, I was a little worried by this gamble for my own body positivity project, I wondered if it would work out like I hoped. The models in the marketing of that item don't have a body like mine. My imagination would have to do for my hypothesis, I had an acceptance that if it didn't fit, it would be OK. I wouldn't let it stop me from finding the perfect crop top.

The day the shirt arrived in the mail, I was excited to see how it would look. To my shock it actually was better then what my brain conjured up in my imagination. The ruching in the center was perfectly placed to gather together to accentuate my figure and my chest. It felt like it was covering and revealing all in the right places. I was concerned about the sides of my stomach, that shirt covered it up! I felt empowered and confident, but just because the shirt worked, it didn't meant that my task was accomplished. This was meant to be worn outside, and I had to push myself to do that.

Opportunity and personal test came when I was asked to come on a mini road trip with one of my closest friends. I was nervous to go out in public, but I was also excited. I had to remind myself that this is for me, not anyone else. If someone had a problem or nasty nitpicking comment, that shouldn't effect me because it's my body, not theirs. I wanted to be bold, but I also I had to be a bit careful to not overdo my confidence, it had to be baby bold steps. I wore this shirt with a white skater skirt that I could pull up incase I needed some coverage for some moments I wasn't feeling too keen. As I was gearing up for this trip, I remember walking nervously around my room to debut this outfit, I had my arms over my exposed stomach in paranoid preparation. When the time came to go, I rushed out of my house so my grandfather couldn't see that some fabric was missing on my stomach.

I went on the trip with my friend, we stopped at a little Italian restaurant, and I could feel a lot of eyes on me because of what I was wearing. That was my test right there. I had to walk with pride to not let this effect me, over the duration of dinner, I removed my arms from covering up, I had my arms straight down on my sides, letting that triangle of exposed skin show my stomach off. I strutted and made a stride without fear, not afraid to cover up my stomach. As much as people stared, they didn't say anything, and I shouldn't have to assume that I was going to be deprived of my pride. That moment wearing that shirt gave me the freedom I didn't have in my life with the battle on my body image.

After that day, I stopped caring what people thought, I leave the house not without worry or woes with thinking of the preset judgement. No more thoughts of What if someone stares at me with disgust? What if someone points out my stomach in a rude remark? What if they- No, no more, that's not happening. I'm done with that anxiety ridden routine of depravity. I made those assumptions about a severe judgement that wasn't even going to happen. Times have changed to be accepting towards all body types, my body type is one of those that will be accepted. It was just time for me to accept it and be happy with the body I have, and no longer be shameful.

I owe all of that progress to a little $5 crop top from wish.

Thank you for reading my stories of my clothes, if you would be so kind as to leave a little tip for the hard work I pour into these articles, it would be appreciated. Take care of yourself and make your mark on the world!