The Reluctant Shero

Many people think that being a leader is easy. It's not. You have to sit when others want to stand and stand when others want to sit. Most of all, as a leader, one has to lead with an empathetic heart because the masses are not filled with individuals of the same mind, experiences and abilities of one another. The competent leader knows that the masses are comprised of diverse individuals who could possibly grow together to have the same heart with just the right balance of guidance and support. No one ever really desires to jump into a position of true leadership (pregnant with obstacles and scrutiny), but when people of integrity rise to the occasion, it is a thing of divine grace and beauty. It oftentimes seems like these mighty people of valor are rare, yet I have been inspired by an individual who is exactly that type of person. She is my reluctant shero, Kanika Wellington-Jones.

Kanika is a sister, wife, mother, friend, entrepreneur, poet, activist, healer, writer, guru, intellectual, motivator, innovator, educator, creative, girlBOSS; she's just BaD (brilliant and dynamic)! I met her two years ago when we were in a stage production, and I was blown away by her powerful poise. Her words were eloquent. Her presence was beautifully strong and intentional. I wanted to stay forever in her circle of energy because I knew that she was indeed someone special.

As we interacted within the months following our initial introduction, I observed Kanika in different settings and circumstances (further impressing her greatness upon me). I saw her smoothly navigate difficult professional territory with exquisite finesse as a well prepared and informed business analyst in a male dominated environment; she always garnered the respect of those around her--no matter what the age, gender or color of the assemblage was. I watched her mentor young women through her empowerment brand, HerSavorySoul, and uplift young men with words of encouragement and love because she had become well practiced from fortifying her four younger brothers whom she had to raise when she was just a child herself. I silently witnessed her scout and nurture the talents and gifts of many of her fellow coworkers who admire her as a supervisor and human--her judgment highly regarded as being as precious as gold.

I thought that I had viewed enough of her executive and creative behaviors to fully grasp her precise and thoughtful nature, but I saw that there was an even more precious and tender side of her (which she often reserves for safe spaces of sanctuary). I grew to become a friend and peer of this shero while serving on her board of community leaders in co-creating her vision of bringing economic equity to the under-represented populations of our city. As a result of our time spent together of "plotting and planning", I experienced what I now value the most about Kanika... She is a quintessential homegirl! She's fun and funny, quick-witted, fiercely loyal, unconditionally loving, well-rounded, eclectic, considerate, a great listener, and the no-nonsense element of her is only present when necessary because she can cut up with the best of us! Kanika has now grown to become a cherished confidant (even serving as a participant and guest at my private destination wedding this past fall), and I have been exposed to enough of her womanity to know that she is ancient strength embodied.

While proudly donning all of the emblems that she wears, Kanika never removes her armor of protection. Her personal belief in powers from supernatural forces equip her to serve humanity as she does. I have learned that this pillar of resilience has the fortitude of sixty million warriors, and she makes secure decisions for her family, teammates and those depending upon her because the mantle of responsibility has been placed upon her noble shoulders.

With those same weighted shoulders held back and dignified head held high, Kanika stands upright in the face of adversity. She digs in her heels, grounds herself, and she leads. This modern day heroine has fought battles that would make anyone (regardless of color, age or gender) flee. For instance, in the midst of obtaining her MBA, she had to personally accept and adjust to the fate that her mother was terminally ill. Kanika selflessly stepped into the role of becoming her mother's caretaker along with continuing to assume the other roles of her destined purpose.

Kanika stepped into her newly unanticipated role doing what she does best; she endured. During this time she never complained. She never buckled. She never sat down. When the time of her mother's transition unfortunately appeared (which was the day before what would have been her 59th birthday), Kanika soldiered up and asked me to preside over her mother's homegoing service. I was humbly astonished that she would ask me to lead such a tribute because I am not an officiant in the conventional sense, but in typical Kanika fashion, she stated that she knew I could do it. She confided to me that her mother would have wanted me to officially celebrate her life's footprint over most clergy that she knew. I was honored to fulfill this request of my super sisterfriend. In preparation for my charge at hand, she gently buoyed me up to assume the role that I was spiritually qualified to do--just as a kind captain would--and the experience was beautiful and cathartic for us all.

As a wife and mother, Kanika has had to pull on extra layers of courage over the years. She has had to face the inexplicable challenges of building and cultivating a seasoned marriage (in the current age of marital assassination) all while mothering the children of her and her beloved husband's nuclear family (currently ranging in ages from five to eighteen). There is never a dull moment in her life, but Kanika takes everything in stride until she pauses to regroup from time to time.

In learning herself and gaining the self-awareness of when to pause in life, Kanika has used her understanding to reflect on her own mental and physical health. As the daughter of a teenaged and unwed mother, Kanika is extremely transparent in sharing her personal struggle with her mother's death and their own mother/daughter journey to comprehensive healing. She has also acknowledged that in caring for her mother's convalescence, her priorities have now adjusted to reflect the importance of preserving her own intimate temple while she is able bodied. This shero knows that health is wealth, and as a wise woman, she truly desires to live a long and prosperous life. According to her, it is paramount that she addresses and slays the generational health ailments which have steadily attempted to sideline her for most of her life.

Like the protagonist of any shero's epic, Kanika's entire essence and entity have evolved from having fought the dragon of her mother's passing and her survival to tell the tale. Her process of healing within this year of her mother's physical departure has been both fascinating yet heart-rending to observe. Her self-chronicled pain has fueled and sparked others to address the dark and uncomfortable parts of themselves that must be healed in order for brighter, stronger selves to emerge. She willingly blesses others by honestly acknowledging her personal shortcomings in these areas, but really what she perceives as shortcomings are actually assets in helping her to relate to others.

Her imperfections are truly what make her a perfect advocate for those of us who look to her as we tackle the imperfections of life ourselves. Her sincerity, authenticity, and vulnerability in looking at herself first extend a discernment of humanity and of life that enables her to rise above any situation as an impartial and benevolent shero. She is Kanika the Great.

Honestly, empathy is Kanika's greatest superpower. Her socio-emotional intelligence EQ (the ability to identify and understand the feelings of self and others) in relating to people in general is the strength that canonizes her as one of my sheroes. Her manifold life experiences have equipped her to appropriately gauge a situation and assess the factors to derive a most suitable remedy. She is almost always spot-on in quarterbacking a play in life on whatever field of expertise, and I value her opinion as I value my own. Kanika is a sure shot; she's steady handed in meting out verdicts on behavior, but her conclusions never contain an ounce of judgment towards a person's disposition. She's just cool like that. I trust her with my life, and there are very few people who I would bestow this guardianship.

Ultimately, Kanika is a modest bridge-builder who sets the example for others to follow; she facilitates communication among the people to fortify the weak and enjoin the marginalized meanwhile making sure that everyone has a seat at the table. Kanika is a thermostat of energy, too! Whenever she is around those who are frequently self-absorbed, she confidently holds space in her own right; this posture of self-mastery allows her to be a peaceful vessel of goodness and disciplined character in the presence of insecurity thereby shifting the atmosphere of any situation. Amazingly enough, even in remaining undaunted by others who may not operate in the same ethical fashion as she does, she still manages to validate all individuals in their strengths instead of catering to their infirmities.

At the end of her day (after all of the emotional fires have been extinguished, and psychological lives have been saved from near peril and destruction...), Kanika is often hesitant to sing her own praises; she wants no part of the fanfare or ticker-tape parade thrown for her. Nevertheless, I understand that acclamation is often lacking and overlooked in regards to solid leadership, and leaders need love, too. The rules of balance and reciprocity must apply in reverse in order for the shero to be revived and renewed to save the day once more. Each person has to inherently be reminded that his or her existence makes a difference in the grand circle of life. Sheros and legitimate leaders need validation and reassurance just as the next person, and that is why I have written this homage. I believe in Kanika the Great. I believe in her superpowers, and I know that integrity plus foresight like hers is needed now more than ever. Although she is only a couple of years older than I (and I'm forty mumble mumble something...), she genuinely operates with the sage astuteness of one of great seniority and maturity. She doesn't wear a visible cape or mask, but she is definitely one of my contemporary sheroes. With measured leaps and bounds, Kanika Wellington-Jones undeniably makes the world a better place.