I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and I have come to the conclusion that women are the most amazing "beings" on the planet...look at what we endure as women! Men are pretty great too, I mean lets be fair we would not be able to build the world family wise without them because without sperm there are no babies...fact! But I feel like they got it easy compared to us...just look at what we as women go through in our lifetime.
The worst thing a young girl can deal with when she is in the most vulnerable point in her life. At 13 years of age, I was introduced to this horrible experience in the worst way, I started my period in the middle of the grocery store, and of course I was wearing white jeans! As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to be told by an older man that I didn't even know! I could have just crawled in a hole and died that day. I also developed large breasts at 12, try going to sixth grade class and being the only non-flat chested girl, oh boy, did I get attention! Not to mention half of the female staff hated me because I "outshined" them in this area. I got hit on by the boys in my class before my childlike undeveloped brain could comprehend it. It took my brother who was 16, to tell me what was happening and why boys were chasing me. I eventually got through that horribly awkward stage, but it totally sucked. As the years passed the monthly's got harder to endure, because I ended up cramping so badly that I would literally miss work for two days, because I was in so much pain that I would be curled up in the fetal position in bed for an entire day crying until the motrin and Advil cocktail kicked in. Then at 47(I am now 54) I found a miracle cure for this debilitating monthly disturbance. It was new then but I was willing to try anything, up to and including a hysterectomy if that was the only option. Dr. Kearse(Gynecologist in San Diego, and a very good doctor my friend recommended, he is also very nice) told me he had tried this procedure on his wife(which is how safe he said it is) called an "Oblation" and she loved how it worked. If you don't know what that is basically they put a device up inside you for a around 30 seconds or so that emits radio waves at a certain decibel and this seals your vaginal walls so they no longer shed. IT TOTALLY WORKED! he told me it will last ten years and get me right thru menopause(which I will be talking about down the line) it was completely safe, took less than half an hour(they do knock you out for it though) and I was home that night with no issues at all! It is still working 7+ years later and I feel nothing, no cramps and no more bleeding to death, because I would have to use tampons and pads, and changing that out every hour. Periods are a pain in the...everywhere!! My husband used to say "never trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die", I used tell him "that's right babe, keep talking and just know that you gotta sleep sometime"...we were just joking because even in my worst pain I was never a bitch. Alright...moving on tooooooo
All I can say is if you tell me that you loved this experience, then your crazy about feeling the worst you will ever feel. Fat, bloated, tired, constantly hungry, and hormonally unstable...ALL THE TIME! I hated being pregnant, and you know what? It's ok to say that! I loved the result of it more than breathing, but I unapologetically hated being pregnant!! I watched my 17 year old 105 lb. frame stretch into 182 lbs. of bloated baby bulge. I never regretted having my son, the only change I would have made would have been to wait a little longer to have him from an experience stand point. I was young, in love, and dumb so I got pregnant young. I never had anymore children after him because the experience was so "memorable" I could not imagine doing that again...ever! Plus I didn't want children to begin with, but I loved my son till the day he died(he was shot and killed at the age of 18 by a cop for stealing from a store) I would not trade the experience for the world but I still don't have to love it.
Raising children is the most amazing hell you will ever experience period! However, I am going to give a well deserved shout out to the fathers that step up and co parent! I thank you all from the bottom of my heart...because my son's father was nowhere to be found simply because he was simply to selfish and a super man whore. He had another woman pregnant at the same time I was, so...I raised my son on my own. All the trial and tribulations you will put your heart, health and mental stability through is worth every moment...even if you don't realize it at the time. You will experience: more sleepless nights than you thought a human could possibly endure, stress to the point of almost murder, fear like you have NEVER known, and more love than a heart can give. It is an experience that all women should know...it makes "you" time so much more valuable. Make sure you get that! It will save your sanity. Even if all you do is stay on the toilet a few minutes longer after your done with your business. Take naps when they do...it's invigorating. I would put my son down for the night and dive into a good book just to unwind my body and brain, I would always end up falling asleep 10 mins in from sheer exhaustion and wake up on the couch in the exact position I fell asleep in, so my legs would be numb from having them tucked under me all night, and a stiff neck to boot from my head being tucked into my chest all night...but what the hey! Parenting is no picnic, but I felt like I was doing something really worth doing when I was parenting, because there isn't another human being who looks at you like your child does. You are their everything, and that is just a great feeling, to be loved beyond words and needed more than air by this tiny human who looks at you with the most love you will ever see in a persons eyes...it's breathtaking and it made me weepy a few times. Ok, before I start bawling like a tiny human...moving on!
BEING THE MOTHER OF A TEENAGER
I am going to start by saying STINKINGROTTENUNGRATEFULSHITTYBRATS. Ok, now that I got that out, teenagers suck! They all think you are stupid and that you have NEVER done anything like they have, they are verbally and mentally abusive as well, they make you want to slap the shit out of them...a lot! I feel like our teens think we grew up in a test tube and that we really do not know what they do! Seriously? We...yes us...your parents, invented all the shit your doing today children( underage drinking/drugging has been "a thing" for hundreds of years, and yes we know when your high/drunk), how do you think that saying "my mom has eyes in the back of her head" came about? We all grew up doing and thinking the same thing, so yes we know, but our role as parents is to let you learn what not to do, unless it is a direct threat to your life or health, that is where we draw the line. To all new teen parents: It will pass fortunately, so just don't murder your teen and all will be fine, they are definitely going to push the limits to the max, so be prepared. Try to remember what an asshole you were at that age, and don't lie and say you weren't because you know you were. Your parents said "I hope you have a child just like you" and they meant that. Now you have a mini you at 13 and you could just reach out and strangle them half the time, but just be patient, teach them well, and they will eventually come into their own and make you proud to be their parent, somewhere, someday they will do or say something that will let you know you did a great job raising them, I promise.
The big 3-0! The day I turned thirty I knew I was a no shit adult! I could no longer act like I didn't know because I was only twenty-something. Yep, no more acting like a kid. I had already been raising a child since 17 but, you don't really feel "old" until you hit thirty! Then when you tell some tween your age and they say "god your old", oh yeah...I cried like a damn baby, ate an entire half gallon of ice cream all to myself to help drown my sorrows and sulked for the first month, then I decided to embrace it, because now your in the "I know more than you punk" club. You get to give life advice and have it really be listened to, not to mention you actually start thinking like an adult. It's really not that bad, plus on the awesome side, your now a cougar to all your son's friends! My son really hated "his" mom being talked about or thought of as a "milf", and I didn't appreciate that either, but it was nice to be seen as a hottie by the little boys. I would just laugh at them and walk away, as my son would morph into the couch from embarrassment, which was nothing less than he deserved for being such an asshole! He put me through the ringer in his teens, so back atcha kid! I never paid attention to them because it would just encourage bad behavior and some of his friends had little crushes, but that is just part of being a teen boy. Yes ladies, I was a shameless non-hussy!I was pretty good looking at thirty, but I didn't push the boundaries, no low cut tops or short shorts, but I did take a tiny bit of pride being the heartthrob of every teen boy in town. I don't see it as harmful or shameful as long as it never goes further than just knowing it(not showing it in any way), I would NEVER cross a line with a child, even joking!(that is a seriously disturbing thought)and I made sure it was a discussion that was had on several occasions, the boys were never allowed to disrespect me or my son by saying or doing anything inappropriate in my presence and if I saw any inappropriate looks, they had to leave. I could not however, control what they said out of my presence, and I'm sure if they said anything my son handled that his way. Now on the downside of that turn in age, you start noticing that keeping the weight off is a constant fight. I also realized that my body started to rebel against me. I started feeling the little aches and pains of a day at work. My back, hips(which widened overnight), knees and the rest started complaining...so here comes introduction to over the counter pain meds. I also started to see whiskers appearing under my chin...what do you mean I am growing a damn beard! noooo! It also felt like my body hair started growing more. I also noticed that my once perky breasts start to stare at the floor...R.I.P perky's...hello sagging boobs. Last but not least...the crows feet and smile lines became more noticeable. I realize this didn't just happen overnight, but we don't really start to notice them until the big 3-0 hits! I eventually learned to live with it as we all do, no big whoop right! next up...
THE MAGNIFICENT 40's!
I say "glorious" because my forties were a blur of drunken parties and so much crazy sex it was insane. I had lost my son when he was 18, I was 36 at the time and it was very hard on me. At the point I turned forty, I was single and free to do what I wanted...and boy did I!! I can't remember most of it, but it was the best time of my life...I think. Moving on! In your forties you begin to realize that life is getting shorter and it should be more about the family life now. Now comes time for making sure you have a decent retirement in your golden years...if your lucky enough to have a savings plan, which I had just started with Petco at 41, so I was putting the minimum amount in and they matched it 6% which was alright, I felt like it took forever to reach 30k but once it did then it grew exponentially from there. I met my current husband in 2008 and we got married in March of 2015(I was 48) after dating and living together for 7 years, we decided it was time since we were not going anywhere. I was wife number 4, and decidedly the best and last wife for him. We are still doing great in 2021(celebrating 6 years married/13 years together) and are currently building a nice little nest egg. I have 7 adopted grandbabies through my bestfriends kids which if you have read any of my other stories, you would know that we have been besties for 18 years and her family inducted me into theirs with open arms. I helped raise her two sons and between them there are seven beautiful babies that call me grandma Crystal! I am the proudest adopted mom and grandma on the planet! Life for me was great in my forties, I also learned that I can say what I mean and mean what I say without fear. I feel like that is when we take off our rose colored glasses and see real life through empowered eyes, us women have to go through lots of hell to find our piece of heaven, but once you get it, you will never let it go. Your forties are the start of that little slice of heaven...then come the fifties...watch out FIESTY LADY COMING THROUGH!!
MENOPAUSE...(WHY DO ALL OF WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH "MEN"?)
I started this little journey at 46, and it's been swell...swelling legs, swelling butt, swelling face and swelling joints...and I just keep swelling and sweating! I have to say this just might be the worst part of being a woman. I move...I sweat! I eat...I sweat, what's the point of taking a shower anymore when I am wetter from the sweat than the damned shower! I cry at every stupid sappy movie and commercial...god help us all if I hear "In the Arms of the Angels" by Sarah McLachlan for the SPCA! I completely crumble in a puddle of tears and am inconsolable for at least an hour! I am a tough woman and I literally DO NOT CRY EVER! But now I am just a puddle. I am...or was the happiest person on the planet...till this abomination started to take over my mind and body like an alien from outer space and I feel like an alien in my own body some days. We women suffer something awful with all the bodily changes we endure during our lives, and men get to skate along like life is but a dream...the worst that happens to them is a "mid life crisis" then what do they do? They go crazy buying expensive cars and dating women half their age, getting divorced and leaving their poor wives to deal with the mess they just walked out and left behind...and what about her? She gets left to deal with it alone, and does he care NO! BASTARD!! Ok sorry about that, I just had a "men"o pausal episode. I am usually pretty happy but there ain't nothing like burning from the inside out, and there is nothing you can do about it, except let it pass, this can take anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes, possibly long enough to turn into the wicked with of the west. It is sheer misery and internal torture. We just have to live through it unfortunately, and hopefully we don't murder anyone along the way. I also have gained a good amount of weight, and I could blame it on Covid 19, but I was fat before that ever happened because everything I eat goes straight to my hips! I know you ladies all know what I am talking about. I have tried every stupid fad diet on the planet, Jenny Craig, Beachbody on Demand, weight watchers, JJ Virgin Diet, juicing, the apple cider vinegar diet and you name it I have tried it. I have had tons of gym memberships and personal trainers only to gain back the lousy 24 lbs. faster than I lost it...just looking at a piece of cake! Right now I have decided to try an app called "Noom" I have friends who say this actually works because it changes your relationship with food, so I am giving it a try and I am two days in and lost a pound already, but we shall see, they say you just have to believe, and I feel like that has been the trick all along...just believe you can and you will. I refuse to take "hormones" because I just don't like taking anything that isn't natural so I am going to try Estroven and hope that will work. Wish me luck ladies...and I wish you a long happy life!