The Baby Question

I want to take a moment to talk about something that we as a society think we are totally cool with, but in reality, we're not.

I wrote an article a few years ago on 'great wedding expectations' around what is expected these days, and I wanted to talk about the even bigger question than the proverbial 'Will you marry me?'

I'm referring to the baby question.

Almost any woman will know the line of inquiry I am referring to, however as a 35 year old this question starts to become phrased....differently. The conversation of kids is one I don't mind having, certainly many of my girlfriends have several children of their own already.

What I do mind, however, is the walking on egg-shells tentativeness when asking if that's something I would 'still' like to do. (As in, I should have done so by now. Obviously.)

First of all. We know . Ladies and gents, any female of my age knows that her biological clock is ticking, its science. We don't like to be reminded of it, and speaking for myself, I definitely don't need the pity party.

Did anyone stop to think for a moment that maybe this is an active choice? Perhaps if she's 35 and hasn't had kids by now, maybe she just doesn't want them? Plain and simple?

Now don't get me wrong, it's not like people can't ask about you, your future, and your plans. This isn't about being overly sensitive, in fact, I struggle with those types. I just cringe at the age old responses society continues to throw my way of 'Oh you'll change your mind' or 'But you'd make a great mum' or 'When the right guy comes along you'll change your mind, you'll see'.

Uh, No. What if I just prefer not to? Period? (Note; that should read - Period. No question mark).

Women these days are working longer, harder and smarter and newsflash: not everyone wants to have children. From financial to emotional, medical or even environmental reasons, she and/or said partner have decided not to go down that path. These are well educated women, who have carefully considered this topic pretty much since birth and have by now formed a well rounded opinion on what best suits their life and what is important to them.

Personally, anyone who knows me is aware that from a young age I was never really that keen on having children. I chose to challenge the narrative society had laid out before us of what you 'should' be doing by any certain age. Happily so. I wouldn't take back any of my precious time spent overseas. This however does not make me a 'selfish person'. I look after plenty of people in my life and give a lot of love to dogs. Could I change my mind down the track? Absolutely! At the age I am now, I have given more thought to this topic than ever before in my life. I have no issue with the amazing ladies around me that are happily already raising their kids.

Simply put, for me, it has never been an easy assumption of 'oh for sure I'll have kids'. It's always felt more complicated than that.

So the next time you ask a woman whether or not she has any kids, just be satisfied with their simple reply of no. They don't need to justify why to you. This also doesn’t make said woman any less of a person for not ‘experiencing motherhood' like you have. (Ugh, cringe).

Whether it's a personal choice or simply out of their control, can't we all just smile and respond with:

"Ok cool - would you like another drink?" Yes - because I can, I don't have children.