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Talk About Women’s Bodies

Unlearning The Taboo Surrounding My Physique

By Cleo JarnaginPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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Talk About Women’s Bodies
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Hello, my name is Cleo, I’m almost 21 years old and I was never taught about my body. I was born in America to a Catholic mother and Christian father. This means that we did not go to church — but we also did not discuss puberty, sex, or anything like that. I was never told when I would develop breasts or the difference between bra types. I didn’t know what a Menstrual Cycle was or when I would get my first period. I was never given a sex talk or was told about Birth Control Methods. To be a functioning woman in society, I’ve largely had to teach myself about these things. This left me feeling repulsive and alienated for most of my teen years and young adult life — that is why I’m here to talk about my experience.

When I was in Elementary School, I was involved in my school’s drama program and often participated in school plays. Around the time I was in fifth grade, I noticed that a lot of girls my age started wearing weird half undershirts all the time. What I didn’t realize at the time was these were training bras. I was a bit of a late bloomer compared to my classmates as I didn’t start wearing a training bra until I was in sixth grade. So I didn’t know what they were and like a normal curious child, I asked my mother what the other girls were wearing. She said it was none of my concern for now. When I did start wearing a training bra my mother pretty much just bought a pack in what she assumed my size was and gave it to me with next to no explanation. Eventually, when I outgrew training bras, my mother secretly whisked me away to the mall. We went to a bra store and I was measured for the first time. I remember feeling like it was some sort of secret and that I had to hid my new bras as soon as I got home. Intentionally or not, my mother instilled into me the idea that my body was some sort of secret. One that shouldn’t be discussed just dealt with quickly and quietly.

Now despite what it seems, I was rather close to my mom at the time. She always answered my questions about what was happening to my body. But it constantly felt like my changing body was a secret and she always seemed uncomfortable with it. This naturally led to me feeling like something about my body was wrong. As if I was the Elephant in the room… Then I got my first period, I was in middle school. While I was well versed in the stigma surrounding women’s menstrual cycles, I did not understand what a period was, but I knew you should not talk about them. I also knew they grossed my male classmates out and made most of my female classmates uncomfortable. Consequently, I didn’t tell my mom or anyone that I had gotten my first period… for six months. I just made do until my mother eventually found out. We had a small talk about it that boiled down to “you’ll get it once a month”. No discussion about pads vs tampons, why you get a period or any talk about my reproductive health.

That brings me to High School when I took my first Sex Education Class. As I mentioned before, I never got a sex talk from my parents. At this point, I knew the bare minimum about sex. A loose understanding of the physical act. I didn’t know anything about birth control or what an STD was. I was so excited to take a class that could fill in the gaps in my knowledge. Then I found out that “Sex Education” in my high school was just an unqualified PE Teacher standing at the front of the class saying wear a condom. Yes, there was a brief discussion on STDs and how they spread; but their main concern was just teens not getting pregnant. That was my freshmen year of high school and since I was not sexually active I decided that was enough. I was fine with this being my only education about my body. That my body was to be dealt with quietly, I would get a period once a month, and if I ever had sex I should use a condom. I was fine my body being a taboo subject.

One day I was scrolling through social media and an ad popped up for an article about Planned Parenthood. I vaguely remembered learning about Planned Parenthood in Sex Ed, so I clicked on it. The article was something along the lines of answering questions teens had about birth control methods. I was so intrigued by the fact that there were more birth control methods than just condoms or the pill. I was learning about Birth Control Implants, shots, vaginal rings, patches, IUDs, different types of condoms, the whole shebang! Out of seemingly nowhere, I was no longer okay with not knowing anything about my body.

I spent the next few days researching things I had always wondered. Are there different types of bras? Should push up bras hurt my back? Is it normal for period blood to be different shades? Why are there different size tampons and pads? Should you be on birth control if you’re not having sex? Do you have to have protection if your partner is of the same sex? Things I never dared to ask my parents or teachers — things I worried my friends knew that I didn’t. During all of this research, I found blogs and social media pages of women answering questions and being completely honest and okay with and about their bodies. It inspired me to learn more and more and as much as I could.

I didn’t unlearn all of the taboo I had instilled in my head in one day. I still occasionally had trouble just casually buying bras and panties for myself. It took a while for me to be able to openly discuss my period with other women. Years for me to feel okay discussing it with a romantic partner. When I did become sexually active, I had difficulty speaking about birth control or even what I wanted from my partner. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve always worked at it. Now in my 20s, I feel I’ve successfully taught myself everything I missed out on learning about my body. Best of all I have gotten over the stigma that my body is bad or wrong. I’ve even gotten to the point where I’m not even sure what was so taboo about my body. Talk about your body, be open about your underwear, your period, your sexuality. Once you are you won’t believe how freeing it is.

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