relationships
Trace the link between feminism and relationships from outdated norms to modern conventions including chivalry, working mothers, splitting the bill and beyond.
How I Learned to Love My Reflection
How I Learned to Love My Reflection By: [Abdullah] For most of my life, mirrors were my enemies. Not because I was vain, but because I couldn’t stand what I saw. I’d glance at my reflection and immediately zero in on flaws: the uneven skin tone, the curve of my nose, the way my stomach never looked as flat as I wanted. My inner voice was crueler than any playground bully, and it spoke up every time I caught sight of myself. If you’ve ever avoided your reflection in a shop window or dreaded photos because you’re afraid of what you’ll see, you know the feeling. It’s exhausting — like carrying around a critic who never takes a day off. But a few years ago, something shifted. Today, I can look in the mirror without flinching. In fact, sometimes I even smile at what I see. This is the story of how I got there — and how you can too. --- Step 1: Realizing the Real Enemy Wasn’t the Mirror It hit me one morning as I was brushing my teeth, glaring at myself in the bathroom mirror. The mirror hadn’t done anything to me. It was just reflecting what was already there. The problem wasn’t my reflection — it was the story I told myself about it. I started asking: Would I say these things to a friend? Of course not. If my best friend stood next to me, I’d point out how her eyes sparkled or how her hair caught the light. I wouldn’t say, “Ugh, look at those wrinkles.” So why was I doing it to myself? That question became the first crack in the wall I’d built between myself and my reflection. --- Step 2: The 30-Second Compliment Rule A therapist once told me: “If you can’t find anything good to say about yourself, start small. Even one thing is enough.” I took it literally. Every morning, I’d spend 30 seconds looking in the mirror and saying something kind. Sometimes it was, “I like my eyes today.” Other days it was just, “I’m glad you showed up.” At first, it felt awkward — like I was pretending. But over time, my brain started to believe me. The more I practiced, the more natural it became. Compliments stopped feeling like lies and started feeling like truths. --- Step 3: Seeing Myself in Motion We’re used to seeing still images of ourselves — selfies, portraits, that one unflattering photo someone tags on social media. But a still photo captures only a split second. It doesn’t show your warmth, your laugh, or the way your face lights up when you talk about something you love. So I started making short videos — not for posting, just for me. I recorded myself telling a funny story, cooking a meal, or talking to my cat. Watching those clips was like meeting a different version of me. Suddenly, I wasn’t just a list of features to be judged. I was a whole person with expressions, gestures, and energy that no still image could capture. --- Step 4: Curating My Mirror Moments I used to only notice my reflection in harsh lighting — dressing room mirrors, bad bathroom bulbs, security cameras that make you look like you’ve aged ten years. No wonder I hated what I saw. Now, I make my mirror moments intentional. I stand in good natural light. I play my favorite song. Sometimes I’ll even wear something I love just to boost my mood. It’s not about vanity — it’s about creating an environment where I’m more likely to see myself kindly. --- Step 5: Shifting the Conversation When I was younger, compliments about my appearance were the only ones that felt valuable. But now I try to compliment myself — and others — on things unrelated to looks. I tell myself: “You’re resilient.” “You’re patient.” “You’re creative.” Over time, my reflection stopped being just about how I looked and started being about who I was. That shift was powerful. --- Step 6: Unfollowing the Comparison Trap Nothing damages self-image faster than comparing yourself to someone else’s highlight reel. I started unfollowing social media accounts that made me feel inadequate and replaced them with ones that celebrated body diversity, natural beauty, and authenticity. The more I saw different body types, skin tones, and features celebrated, the more I realized: there is no one “right” way to look. My reflection didn’t have to fit someone else’s standard to be worthy of love. --- What I See Now I still have days where I notice things I don’t love. I think we all do. But those days no longer spiral into self-hate. When I look in the mirror now, I see someone who survived hard days, someone who keeps showing up, someone who laughs loudly and loves deeply. I see the girl who thought she’d never make peace with her reflection — and the woman who proved her wrong. --- Practical Tips for Loving Your Reflection If you’re on your own self-acceptance journey, here are a few things that helped me: 1. Speak kindly — Even if it feels fake at first, say one nice thing to yourself each day. 2. See yourself in motion — Videos show your warmth and personality in a way still photos can’t. 3. Create positive mirror moments — Good lighting, music, and clothes you love can shift your mindset. 4. Focus beyond appearance — Compliment yourself on character, skills, and resilience. 5. Change your media diet — Follow creators and accounts that celebrate diversity and authenticity. --- I used to think self-love meant waking up one day and magically adoring everything about my appearance. Now I know it’s not magic — it’s a daily choice. And sometimes, when I pass a mirror, I catch myself smiling. Not because I think I look perfect, but because I see someone worth smiling at.
By Abdullah Khan about a year ago in Viva
5 Physical Symptoms of Menopause
Menopause is a natural part of life that every woman will face at some point, usually between the ages of 45 and 55. It's the time when your body slowly stops making the hormones that cause your menstrual cycle. This change doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it comes with a range of physical and emotional symptoms—some mild, others more noticeable.
By LaMarion Zieglerabout a year ago in Viva
"Bera Sum Na Ijaazat e Numay." (Only the permission to shoot is yours.)
Almost two hundred years ago it is Balochistan. And inside the mountains of Balochistan is a purely tribal area called Kohlu. The interesting thing is that the year is also 1825. That is, exactly two hundred years ago from today. In a house of Kohlu, a child is born. He is named “Lal Han”... Growing up, he becomes a shepherd. It is the monsoon season (just like nowadays)... This shepherd is outside his area with his sheep and goats. A stormy rain begins. In the midst of those mountains, a house is seen. He goes toward that house to seek shelter. The men of the house are not there. According to the customs of that time, the woman of the house becomes the host. She is a newlywed bride. The woman tries to save her tent from the storm. The strong winds take away her dupatta. She is trying to save the belongings. Lightning flashes. In the thousandth part of a second, Lal Han's eyes fall on that woman whose hair is open and the storm has taken away her dupatta, but she, unaware of the world, is trying to save her shelter. In this thousandth part of a second, Lal Han’s life changes and he becomes “Mast Tawakali” and “Sammu Beli”. That woman is none other than “Sammu”. Imagine that it is a purely tribal time from two hundred years ago. Mast Tawakali not only falls in love with a married woman, but also mentions her name in his poetry. He even calls himself “Sammu Beli” meaning friend of Sammu. But no one’s “honor” awakens to go and kill that shepherd. Rather what happens is that they are called “Hazrat Mast Tawakali”. After his death, people come to his grave with great respect and his grave becomes a spiritual center. No one knows the real meaning of the name “Sammu”, but even today thousands of women in Baloch society are named “Sammi”. It is a time fourteen hundred years ago. In Makkah, a woman does business. She is independent. She sends her goods with a young man to Syria. She is impressed by his honesty. She initiates. Sends a proposal through her slave. Yes, fourteen hundred years ago, a woman is sending a marriage proposal. They both get married. That woman is Umm-ul-Momineen Hazrat Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) and the young man is Hazrat Muhammad (peace be upon him). Here, every year hundreds of women and men are killed in the name of “honor”. These people derive the concept of this “so-called honor” either from tribal customs or from religion. Both of these events negate this idea. Fast forward. It is the developed era of 2025. It is the age of social media. A video is circulating on social media. The time and place of the video are unknown. There is a group of so-called honorable men. A “Sammu” is brought. A Qur’an is in her hands. A wretched one takes the Qur’an from her hands. She is not scared. She is not panicked. She is not pleading or begging. She says one sentence. She makes an explosion. “Bera sum na ijaazat e numay” (Only the permission to shoot is yours.) This is not just a sentence. It is a philosophy, a declaration, a rebellion. She is not asking for permission, she is giving permission. She is issuing an order. She is announcing a verdict. She is declaring that I am not anyone's property. I am not a domesticated animal. I am a living, breathing human. I have the right to live on my own terms, and the right to die on my own terms too. She walks seven steps ahead. And then she becomes free. With the rattling of bullets in the air, the echo of one sentence is heard: “Bera sum na ijaazat e numay” This one sentence is enough to shatter the walls of this so-called honor. There should be poetry written on this, stories should be written, books should be compiled, films and dramas should be made. Bera sum na ijaazat e numay.
By Ikram Ullahabout a year ago in Viva
The Letter I Never Sent: A Daughter’s Unspoken Goodbye
Chapter 1: The Quiet Phone Calls It started with short phone calls. My mom’s voice, once so full of energy, sounded tired. She told me not to worry, that she just had the flu. But deep down, I felt something was wrong. I lived in a different city for college, and every time I offered to come home, she insisted I stay and focus on my studies.
By Waqar Khanabout a year ago in Viva
Gold Diggers: The Maliciously Compliant Employees of the Patriarchy
When I first joined Tik Tok in 2020, the algorithm quickly figured out that I was a feminist and feminist content creators routinely showed up on my For You Page. This was not surprising to me, as I follow and engage with feminist content on most of my social media accounts. For me, what was different on Tik Tok was the Pro Gold-Digger content that seemed to flourish there. When I saw Shera Seven’s videos, my initial reaction was to swipe away. Shera Seven is a content creator who focuses on dating advice for women interested in dating rich men. I thought the algorithm was so bad it was just showing me any woman content creators because I had registered as a woman.
By Kai Wilsonabout a year ago in Viva
Pleasure Wasn’t Part of the Deal: What Layla’s Story Says About Marriage and the Orgasm Gap
Layla was thirty-two when she had her first orgasm. She wasn’t single. She wasn’t inexperienced. She was ten years into a marriage — one built on devotion, duty, and silence. For most of her adult life, sex had been something she gave, not something she enjoyed. Her story isn’t rare. In fact, it’s more common than we’d like to admit. And it exposes something uncomfortable: pleasure, for many women, wasn’t part of the deal.
By No One’s Daughterabout a year ago in Viva
become a better person. Content Warning.
Become a Better Person I chose this title not because I'm wise, but because that's what I'm trying to do right now: become the best version of myself-even though the road... well, it's winding and there are many traps.
By Rehany Rettya Putryabout a year ago in Viva
