Survivor

Women are fighters. Today women are fighters and historically we have been fighters because we have had to be. Women of today don't have to fight for the same rights and freedoms that women before us did because of the inspirational and innovative actions of the brave women of history.

Women still have to fight, though. Maybe not in the same way that we once did but as culture and society grows there are still battles to be won. There are still women, despite the consistent evolution of society, that have to fight for their lives physically and emotionally.

A woman very close to my heart had the misfortune of being involved in two, long-term domestic violence relationships over the span of around twenty years. She had a beautiful, forgiving and trusting soul which has been taken advantage of by the men that should have kept her safe. In reality, these men were the biggest risk to her freedom, her safety and her sanity.

I often wonder why bad things happen to the least deserving of us and why, after building up the courage to leave one abuser, she was unlucky enough to land in the arms of another. Leaving once can be difficult but twice can be nearly impossible. To be broken down, emotionally tortured and physically hurt on a daily basis within the walls of your own home. To be abused by the two men you give yourself, your love and your trust to.

For a long time she stayed. She accepted it. She believed she deserved it. She gave up, temporarily. With each day and each knock she took she stood back up. She became less obedient to the demands made of her by her abuser. She started to feel strong again. What she didn't realise at the time is that she had always been strong. It must take an immense amount of strength to pull yourself out of bed in the morning and live your life under those conditions, even if it doesn't feel like strength at the time. Even if it feels like you don't have any other option.

Miraculously her strength and courage began to overtake her fear. One day something inside her snapped and she called the authorities after a beating. Of course, they didn't save her like she had hoped. There were suspicious glances and doubts cast her way, accusations of self injury. Despite this, she carried on. She continued to call. This went on for far too long but one day it worked. One day he got arrested. Her perseverance had helped her achieve a level of temporary safety, but how would this end and would ift be worse when he comes back?

It was clear that her fight was not over. Even though he was locked away she feared returning home everyday in case he was there waiting for her. He had threatened to kill her so many times and he almost had on multiple occasions. His threats were not empty and even if he could not get to her physically in those moments, her mind was disintegrating.

She kept it together. She continued on the path towards justice and she stood up in court to face her abuser and force him to face the things that he had done. I cannot even begin to imagine the strength it must take to show your vulnerabilities and fears to a room full of strangers alongside the very source of your torment, to be scrutinised and judged on your trauma.

She came out of that court room feeling success for a fleeting moment when he was dealt a far-too-short prison sentence. Would less than 12 months inside be real justice for 10 years of emotional and physical torture? The victory was bittersweet. However, it was this small victory that gave her the courage to do something that she had done before, many years before. She was ready to leave the abuse behind.

Some may assume that leaving would be easy and staying must be a ridiculous choice but when abuse is all you have known for two decades maybe it isn't that easy to walk away from. Maybe you start to believe you deserve it. When someone cuts you off from the outside world in many ways and controls everything you do, maybe being in control of your own life again is terrifying. When someone breaks you down to the point where you forget who you are, maybe you rely on them to tell you who you should be. We often seek out the familiar no matter how degrading it is to us. Maybe if someone is threatening to kill you if you leave them you believe them, or maybe you don't but is it worth the risk and the inevitable beating? There is no easy option when you are experiencing abuse but that doesn't mean there is no way out.

Unfortunately, my loved one's story is all too common. Women are being abused everyday behind closed doors. They are being abused by their husbands, by trusted members of the community and by people you might never suspect. Woman all over the world are fighting for their lives in their own homes. Some women are losing their battle.

I am inspired by the women that chose life. That get up out of bed everyday and live. The women that survive. That fight until they rediscover their self-worth. The women that leave. The women that discover strength they never knew they had. The women that speak up for themselves. The women that speak up for others. The women that stand up against abuse. The women that break free.

I am inspired by the women that not only dare to survive but dare to thrive. The ones that experience horrifying things and are able to smile and laugh. The ones that still believe there is good in the world. The ones that believe life is worth living. The ones that are not defined by their experiences.

As women, it is our duty to help each other discover our strength and seek justice for those that have lost their battle, and for those that are still searching for their own courage to win theirs. Take inspiration from the survivors and help each other thrive.

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For information and advice relating to domestic violence follow the below link:

https://www.leewaysupport.org/