Sexual Assault Awareness Month

As few people know or acknowledge, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, so I have decided to write an article about the topic and also share my personal experience.

To begin, I want to get some facts straight. The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim. Some forms of sexual assault include:

1. Attempted rape
2. Fondling or unwanted sexual touching
3. Forcing a victim to perform sexual acts, such as oral sex or penetrating the perpetrator’s body
4. Penetration of the victim’s body, also known as rape.

After Barack Obama openly stated that “one in five women on college campuses have been sexually assaulted during their time there,” in 2014, many have come to question the actuality of this statistic, claiming it may be exaggerated. Well, come to find out, this shocking statistic seems to be true in most colleges.

According to the Association of American Universities (AAU) Campus Climate Study, more than one in four seniors experienced sexual assault since enrolling in college. To be clear, this study defined sexual assault as two different categories of “sexual penetration and sexual touching” specifically by “using force.. and incapacitated due to being unable to give consent.”

Similarly, the Campus Sexual Assault (CSA) Study conducted an online survey defining sexual assault as “(a) rape and sexual battery coerced by (b) physical force and incapacitation.” The study found that between two large campuses, one southern and one midwestern, more than one in four seniors reported sexual assault.

Campus Climate Survey Validation Study asked about unwanted, non-consensual sexual touching and penetration and foundone in five women, one in four seniors, experienced sexual assault.

The Historically Black College and University Campus Sexual Assault study showed results of one in seven women and one in six seniors experiencing sexual assault after enrolling in school, using the same survey from the Campus Sexual Assault Study.

The results of these four studies have shown that the one in five statistics is mostly true, depending on where and who you are, perhaps, but true. Much to parents and students fear, the vulnerability of women in college is startling. These statistics may cause women to waver over the idea of college. That was my experience as well.

However, my story does not start in college, but the year before. As a senior in high school, I was like most, just trying to fit in. After coming out of a year and a half long relationship, I struggled to fit in with the “popular” kids because I had not been with them in the past. I made a promise to myself to not drink while in high school, for personal reasons, which will become important in my story. Although I did not drink, I did enjoy the social aspect of the parties that I was invited to. On April 23rd, 2016, I attended a party at a boy’s house who I had gone to school with my whole life. We were, I guess you could say, friends, him being part of the executive board of the club I was president of. I was usually the mom of the parties I attended, holding back the hair of girls vomiting up the liquor they could not seem to hold, putting away valuables that may get broken later in the night, and offering a sober ride home to friends. At this party, however, I was convinced to sleep over by the host of the party; my “friend.” After being told by friends there were no open places to sleep, my gracious host offered me his bedside, an invitation I accepted. While I laid there innocently thinking it would be an easy goodnight, my host had other ideas. Without going into too much detail, I will simply say that my passive words of refusal were not taken seriously by my host. I was assaulted and molested and woke up in the morning wanting to act as though nothing happened. I drove home, went to church, and used my hair to cover the unwanted hickeys on my neck.

Before all of this happened, I was looking forward to college being that I was a senior in high school. Afterwards though, I was scared of the whole idea of college. I no longer wanted to leave home because I was scared of the one in five statistic of college women.

I made the decision not to report this incident, as many others do. According to statistics, the number one reason people choose not to report their incidents of rape or assault is out of shame, guilt, embarrassment, or not wanting friends or family to know. The number two and three reasons being out of concerns about confidentiality and the fear of not being believed. In my case, I told my close friends and family and was, for the most part, supported. I did not report for a mixture of all three of the listed reasons, as I am sure many others would agree upon as well.

Going along with these listed reasons is the underlying issue of a victim shaming and blaming society. You hear this commonality between many survivors stories. Drawing from my own experience, I can say that being blamed was obviously not helpful in my healing process. Not only did the boy who assaulted me blame me but his friends blamed and shunned me, my best friend blamed and questioned me, and outside people who were not involved blamed me. Asking the classic questions of "what were you wearing," "what were you expecting" and "why didn't you just leave." The last question being one I don't think I'll ever be able to answer.

For me, I had the opportunity to leave the situation. Being that I did not drink, I could have easily driven home, so what stopped me? Looking back, I suppose it was the fear that I was overreacting about the situation. I honestly believed that something like this only happened in movies or to anonymous online figures, not to me. Therefore, I must have just been overreacting.

As a few days passed, and the feeling of discomfort in my own body stayed with me, I realized it was not an overreaction, but a reality. A reality I thought would never be my own, but now was. The fear of the future crept in, and I started to shut down for a little until my friends and family were able to re-stabilize me.

I eventually got over my fear of going to college and still went to school as planned. Much to my surprise, I rarely ever felt threatened while out and about at school. Another surprise was the fact that I found a great guy who never pressured me to do anything I didn't want to do, unlike previous people in my life.

I still have flashbacks to that night and can still get stuck in my head when thinking about it, but that night no longer defines me as a "victim." Instead, I have chosen to take control of that night and consider myself a "survivor."

I write this article, not for praise or pity, but to do as the month is meant to do; Bring awareness to the prevalent issue of sexual assault. Although this month is bringing awareness to a very sad issue in our society, it also gives survivors an opportunity to be there and support each other, and the courage to no longer feel the need to hide.

Peace, Love, and Happiness.

Statistics were provided by

Muehlenhard, Charlene, et al. “Evaluating the One-in-Five Statistic: Women’s Risk of Sexual Assault While in College.” Taylor & Francis Online, 4 Apr. 2017, www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2017.1295014?needAccess=true.

Sable, Marjorie, et al. “Barriers to Reporting Sexual Assault for Women and Men: Perspectives of College Students.” Taylor & Francis Online, 7AD, 2010, www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.3200/JACH.55.3.157-162.