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Rude Questions People Ask Women - and Perfect Answers

Wouldn't you love to bust out these snarky responses?

By Robyn ReischPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Rude Questions People Ask Women - and Perfect Answers
Photo by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash

Everyone seems to know just how we women ought to be living our lives. They tell us when to marry, what kind of a body to live in, how many children we should have, how to raise them, and just how much of a career we should or shouldn't strive for. 

How do they share this wisdom?

Most often, they do it by questioning our current choices.

It seems there's an unnecessary and deeply personal question for every stage of a woman's life. Whatever path you take, there's someone disapproving, second guessing, and making it clear they know best.

So...what's a girl to do?

Shut them down with these comebacks.

To the Single Lady:

When are you going to get married, dear?

I just don't know. Unfortunately, it seems you've snagged the last good man out there. *Wink at her husband. Thrust out your chest. Lick your lips to really drive it home.*

Someday, Aunt Sarah, someday. It's just so hard to find men who are comfortable with matriarchal polygamy. Do you know anyone?

How do you afford a place like this without a man?!

Actually, it's better than the place I could afford with my ex. His credit was in shambles. Who knows, though - he's up for parole this month, and you're right, this place could really use a man's touch.

I pay in sexual favors.

To the Newlywed:

When are you two lovebirds going to have children?

Well shoot, Patricia, we've been trying two, three times a day and just can't seem to make it happen. Do you have any tips? What positions worked well for you? *Warning: This one could backfire!*

Ugh, probably never. Everyone with kids seems so miserable - no offense. *Look at their kids with pity and just a tinge of disgust.*

To the Nursing Mother:

Isn't there a place you could do that privately?

I'm so sorry to have offended you! It didn't even occur to me you might get aroused by me feeding my baby. I'm just not used to being around such, um...sexually minded people. 

Sorry Herbert. I didn't realize there were perverts nearby. No offense. *Turn away from him quickly, but continue to nurse. Your baby is hungry. It's not his fault Herbert is gross.*

To the Mama of One:

Jack's such a beautiful boy. When are you going to give him a sibling? Aren't you worried he'll be spoiled if he's an only child?

Oh my goodness Joan, I've been looking for one everywhere! Do you have any leads? I saw a nanny distracted on her phone at the park, but I just wasn't quick enough...

Yes, we are worried about raising Jack to be a rude adult. Tell me Carol, do you have any siblings?

To the Working Mom:

Don't you miss your kids?

Not as much as they'd miss food and shelter without my income! *Laugh like it's a joke.*

Today? Not so much. They were absolute monsters this morning. Please send thoughts and prayers to the nanny.

To the Stay-at-Home Mom

What do you do all day?

Mostly I eat snacks on the couch while the maid cleans and our various screens raise the children. After that, the cook whips up dinner. My life is fantastic. *Put on sunglasses and walk away before they can ask any follow-up questions.*

I do the same thing your nanny does, Cheryl, except I don't sleep with your husband. *Laugh like it's a joke.*

Next time you want to ask a woman one of the questions above, look inward instead. Ask yourself: Is Stephanie's uterus any of my business? Has Charlotte, just maybe, already put some thought into her finances and family structure? Is Tina, perhaps, well aware that "the clock is ticking"? 

If the answer is yes - or even maybe - find another question. Ask that instead. Try something simple, like:

Tell me about your favorite book.

What's your dream travel destination?

What's been bringing you joy lately?

You never know - Kendra might just grant you exclusive insight to the woman behind the womb.

satire
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About the Creator

Robyn Reisch

Robyn Reisch spends her days cooking, writing, and raising three gorgeous little hooligans. She is married to the world's greatest man.

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