Reduction or Bust

Since I can remember my body has gotten me a lot of attention. Mostly negative based on the way I feel after receiving people's opinions or advances.

Since they burst forth onto the scene in 2005, a ripe size D straight out the gate, my two chest friends have been my constant companions. From 10 years old forward, people began their interactions with me based on my Dolly Parton-esque silhouette. New acquaintances acted as though they were introducing themselves to all three of us.

Men either wanted to be nowhere near me (avoid eye contact and physical contact), or touch me without consulting me (hugs). Women wanted to discuss them or shame me for wearing v-neck boyfriend tees. Yes Mrs. Probst I'm calling you out! Babies asking for milk and reaching for my chest. So as a result I was socially conditioned to break the ice by talking about my boobs. People were already curious so why not remove the taboo.

Despite problematic interactions I developed a simultaneous pride and insecurity about them. "Your boobs are great!" "Honey, put on a bra," "That shirt is really nice (leering men at gas stations)," "Can I take a picture with you and your boobs (a lady at a bar)," "People should be calling you candy cause you look like a stripper (a well intentioned family friend)," "Can I call you Jessica Simpson (middle school boy)," on and on. You can see where I might have gleaned a reasonable amount of confusion. Nonetheless, I developed a comfort about them. They are my own personal hand- warmers and when the class is cold I can put them under my sweatshirt. Pool floaties, a Dolly Parton impersonator's built-in accessories.

But just around the river-bend we have the gag-reel. In middle school gym we did some dance choreography and they hit me in the face. I can't run in zip-up sports bras because they burst open while in mid bounce (happened three times at least) outside. Can't wear triangle bikini tops because they will fall off if I jump in the pool, making a friend cry after seeing them; God bless' em. Yoga without a bra = my boobs in my face. Basically they compromise all forms of conceivable physical activity. And I basically have four armpits (so many people have made that joke... they aren't kidding).

There are two benefits. They are warm (great for winter!), and they look nice... for now. But I live in Texas, so winter is two minutes long. And I'm 25 so their gonna hit my knees in 10 years with or without kids.

So now we come to the point of this tig-o-bitty discussion. I want a breast reduction... maybe. I am also a thicker woman. Size 18 currently. 240 lbs with at least 20 lbs sitting on my chest. As of today size 40H. They effect everything. I wonder all the time what it would be like if they weren't there.

Would I miss them?

Would that spectre of inappropriate attention lift from my world?

Would I be able to play tennis?........

LOL!  F#@$ING TENNIS!

In all seriousness, I'm not hyper femme but I do heavily identify with the femininity they innately give me. What would their reduction mean for my social interactions? Would they be easier? More difficult?

In having this one-sided dialogue (I know! I'm so talented!) I also think about the women and non-binary folk across the globe who face different dilemmas. A crisis of a perceived losing of one's femininity to breast cancer or preventative measures. An individual wanting to remove their breasts for their mental health and masculine presentation but struggling to afford it. Amazonian women of lore brazenly chopping off a breast to give them better aim for archery (go Katniss!). A transwoman fighting with health insurance companies to give themselves the breasts they have longed for; to see who they are on the inside complete on the outside.

Breasts mean everything and nothing. But what they currently mean for me is posture like Uncle Fester, back pain, and another excuse for people I don't know to undermine, underestimate, and undervalue my contribution to a conversation. All this based on their perception of my intelligence as telegraphed by the size of my gigantic boobs.

I dedicate this piece to my two chest friends and to yours.

Would you get implants or a reduction? Why? Why not?