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Playing With Fire... And Hire

A Monologue Dedicated to Workplace Sexual Predators

By Katy PreenPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
Love, or exploitation?

Look, I said it’s over. Let’s just draw a line under it and move on. Crazy bitch, why doesn’t she get that I’m not interested? Not to worry. I’ll get it taken care of. Look, I've found myself in a spot of bother. Can you help me clear it up? Good, things are sorted now. Just a bit of woman trouble. Another psycho ex, eh? Yeah, but not to worry, tagged & bagged, amirite, lads? Wa-hey!

Hey, how are you? You’re new here? Great, let me introduce you to the team. You’ll be reporting to me and working with these guys. We should do lunch some time. I can show you some good places – it must be lonely moving to a new city. I’m new here, too – transferred from another department.

I left because of problems with a colleague. Romantic obsession. Thought we were in a relationship. Delusional stuff. Sad, really. It was best for both of us for me to go elsewhere. Yeah, it was a lot of upheaval but I feel pleased to have my life back. HR sorted things for me — I got a promotion to come here while she’s stuck doing churn work until it forces her into resignation or the sack. Karma’s a bitch.

I’ve had a lot of trouble with crazy exes. They think I owe them something. Like, if I say it’s over, it’s over. We’re all adults, aren’t we? Why does it have to get so nasty? I don’t get why women become so hysterical, but I know you’re not like that. That’s the thing, isn’t it? Other women — they say they want equality, and then they demand special treatment. But you know that. You’re above that. You’re like one of the boys.

Drinks later? A few of us are going out to celebrate. You can get to know the team better. Who’s doing shots? Nice one, lads! Don’t worry. It’s all on expenses — chug chug! Yeah, see you in the morning, Dave, maybe before 11, if we’re lucky! You lot getting off as well? Alright, safe journey. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t. Or anyone, wa-hey!

Well, it looks like it’s just you and me. Let’s take a seat over here. It’s quieter. You know I feel that we’ve got a lot in common. Let’s get a bottle of wine and chat. It’s been such a lovely evening. May I walk you to the bus stop? A kiss goodnight? You’re beautiful, you know? I’ll see you tomorrow.

Yeah, I’ve met a girl. It’s going alright. No, you wouldn’t know her. We’re going to have to keep this quiet, okay? We can’t have anyone making accusations of favouritism. Don’t say anything, but I do think you’re better than they are, but it’s politics, you know? It’s sort of romantic, our little secret.

Would you mind holding back a little when we’re leaving tonight? People might talk. Yes, other staff do walk to the car park together, but they’re all blokes. No one will say anything about that. Anyway, not that it matters now. We’ve got away. Best go for dinner out of town. Keep things on the down-low. Then back to mine, on my schedule, my demands.

You’re good you know, loving a flawed man like me. You’re special. One-in-a-million. Although, I’m thinking about the future. Marriage and children, stability — that’s what I’m about. Never had much luck with women, as I said before. But I’m pushing 40, and looking for commitment. But I need to be sure. It has to be with someone I love. I’m just not sure it’s you. Look, I can’t help it. It’s just the way I feel. It was only sex. Why are you so attached? It’s not normal. Stop texting me. Just move on.

Oh, god. It’s that girl I told you about. Finished it on the weekend. Now she won’t leave me alone. Stupid bitch, as if someone like her would have a chance with me. Ideas well above her station. Anyway, I’ve got another one lined up so I need to get this moved along.

I don’t give a shit about your feelings. Just a jumped-up little girl with delusions. No one will believe you. You’re making it into more than it was. It’s all in your head. Stop contacting me or I’ll report you for harassment. Look, this has gotten out of hand. Can you help me make this disappear? Well, we could start pulling her up on her performance. Letting her personal life affect her work. Make her a bit uncomfortable. She’ll keep her mouth shut. Put her on a different project. Nothing too serious. You can’t trust irrational women like that not to screw up. You’re right. Maybe I should transfer to a different team. What have you got? There’s a promotion in it? Great, I’ll discuss it with the wife.

Wow, it’s been an intense year. Busy — a lot of moving around, some troubles, but I won’t let it hold me back. But here’s to a new future. Great to meet you all. I’m sure it’ll be a pleasure working with you. And you, there’s something special about you, very talented. One of the lads, too. I like your attitude. Maybe we should go for lunch — strictly business, of course. Although, nothing wrong with mixing in a little pleasure. Don’t you agree? I’d love to, but you must understand I’m a serious kind of guy. I’m bored of dating crazy women. We’d better keep it quiet. Don’t want to complicate things, do we?


About the Creator

Katy Preen

Research scientist, author & artist based in Manchester, UK. Strident feminist, SJW, proudly working-class.

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