Order Complete?

Like most people around the globe, I’ve been sequestered from society for a year. An entire year. Three hundred and sixty-five days and counting. Yes, I’ve had the pleasure of my family’s company, but even my charming husband and adorable children get tiresome after a while.

I miss eating out while catching up with friends, who if not for zoom I would have forgotten what they look like. I miss going to my weekly step aerobics class, where I’d pretend to be in shape while bopping around to the latest pop tunes. I miss dropping my kids off at my parents’ house for a sleepover so I can binge-watch something that doesn’t involve a loveable team of problem-solving pups or a talented, yet misunderstood group of plucky teens.

I miss my life.

So, like everyone else, I turn to social media to take a brief recess from reality. I scroll through the funny memes, the latest eye-rolling joke posted by my “hilarious” father, and of course, ads for the most random items imaginable.

Now being inherently cheap I’m normally able to resist impulse purchases, but this has not been a normal year, and I find that my usual defences have been weakened in the self-control department, hence the bag of cookies I just ate for dinner. With nothing exciting going on I find I’m drawn to the buzz of a new purchase, a shiny new something promising to make my life easier. But results have varied…

A while back I bought a two-piece bathing suit online that looked ideal for a curvy figure with a 1940’s pinup girl style. Unfortunately, when it arrived, I discovered that it was actually meant for a bulimic toddler who appreciates cheap fabric, so that didn’t work out so well for me. Another miss was a set of cool markers that I ordered for my daughter, which never arrived. Looking back, I probably could have ordered them from a local craft store rather than some unknown company located on a different continent. My bad!

One purchase that did work out, sort of, was when a dad joke T-shirt popped up in my Facebook feed. I clicked on that sucker so fast just imagining how my ahead-of-schedule Father’s Day gift would impress the crap out of my siblings. However, in my haste and incompetence, I accidentally ordered the damn thing twice. So, if anyone needs a gift for the loveable yet cheesy man in your life (Size XL), please let me know. I will hook you up.

I seem to get a lot of ads for fashionable clothes. I’m not sure who told the internet that I’m fashionable, but they lied. These days my go-to outfit consists of leggings (chosen from a variety of fun patterns) paired with an oversized T-shirt previously owned by my husband. Jeans and bras are now considered formal wear. Sanity before vanity. And after the pint-sized tankini incident, I now understand that there is a very wide range of what is considered ‘Size Large’. So no new clothes for me.

Then there are the ads for make-up and jewellery. Nope and nope. I’ve barely left my house in a year, and currently resemble a troll (not the fashionable kind with fun hair, the kind known to live under a bridge). Fabulous accessories seem so foreign in my current state. And I don’t even care, as mirrors have also become foreign. Would Jabba the Hut feel more attractive with a statement necklace? I think not. Just today I got an ad for tiaras. Tiaras! I shit you not. Who the hell do they think I am? Queen Couch Potato? Lady Low-maintenance? I can’t even.

My most recent purchases were for a pore-minimizing face mask and mould remover (not to be mixed up). Because let’s face it – I’m a middle-aged mom who would love nothing more than younger-looking skin and a clean bathroom. That is the real fantasy here people!

So basically, I’ve found that it’s hit and miss with the social media ads. You roll the dice, so to speak, which may be fun if you miss the casinos, but you may end up with some buyer’s remorse with a bit extra for shipping and handling.

One purchase that I actually love is the ‘Sparkly tree’ I bought for the kids to give me for Christmas.

The Fairy Lights Spirit Tree | SparklyTrees™

It’s just over a foot tall and has a little LED light at the end of each branch and serves as a unique and ethereal bedside light. I love nothing more than curling up in bed next to it to indulge in the latest Christina Lauren novel, escaping pandemic life for just a little while.

So, if you are considering a purchase from a social media ad, my recommendation is to read the reviews (which I never remember to do), but really, just do what you've got to do to get through this pandemic. Maybe a random online splurge is just what you need to get through your day.

Happy shopping!