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Motherhood on My Time

by Kristina Tingler 3 years ago in gender roles

My duty is not to have babies.

I received a text message from my mom this past Sunday, Mother’s Day, that my cousin was pregnant and to call her. I thought it was an innocent thing to inform me that we’re welcoming a new baby into the family and to talk to her only daughter on Mother’s Day since I wasn’t able to come into to town for a visit.

She asked me when I’m going to have children. I told her to wait ten years. I’m 27 years old and finally making enough money to actually enjoy myself and pay my bills. I have a savings account that has more than three dollars in it. I’m not ready to have children.

She tells me she doesn’t want to be a grandmother at 58 years old. But she’ll have two children who will be 15 and 16 years old when she’s that age.

I was also kindly reminded that I am the oldest of all my cousins and the only one that is not married or committed to anyone, and that I’m the only one without children.

Let’s just talk about what I do have that my younger cousins do not have. I live on my own and absolutely no one else pays my bills. I take care of my half of rent and utilities, as well as my student loans, car insurance, cell phone, and other bills, all with my full-time, full-benefits job. I went to college and graduated. The only time I was in a cop car was when I needed a ride a quarter of the mile up the road to my house after I crashed my car from slipping on black ice. I’m not better than my cousins, but I have made different choices that have brought my life to this point.

I’m happy in my late twenties single and childless. I honestly wouldn’t have my life any other way right now. I’m free to do what I want, when I want, without answering to someone else. It’s not selfish to enjoy what I have worked hard for up to this point in my life.

There are many women my age who are more than happy being moms at an early age, happy being moms and starting their family at my age. There are many women would could take the role of “parent” on when they’re not in a place where they’re ready.

There are many women, like myself, who are careful because they aren’t ready or don’t want children.

It’s not selfish of me to not want to have kids until I’m in my thirties. It’s not my womanly duty to have a family. Biologically, my body is designed for childbirth. Mentally, my head is not designed for motherhood. Genetically, there is a chance I may not even be able to have children.

I know when I’m ready to have a family, I’ll find a way to make it happen. A woman’s job is to build a life and be productive in society as a human; it is not only to be a wife and mother because someone else wants it. You make the decision for yourself, ladies. Be the mother you may want to be when you’re ready. Do not follow the timeline people set on you for when it’s “appropriate” to start your family. If and when you start your family is when it’s good for you. Ignore the pressures of family and society.

You just continue to do you. You are doing a fantastic job, Queen. Keep your head high and show the world just how much you’re worth.

gender roles

Kristina Tingler

Kristina works, writes, and sleeps, but never in the same order.

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