Mirrored Kindness

I knew my body would go through a lot of change after the baby is born, I expected it, and I tried to get ahead of it. I used to be a fitness fanatic, my peers looked up to me for fitness inspiration and motivation and I revelled in it. It was a huge part of my confidence. But then came the era or pandemic, the gyms closed, motivations wore of like an old apron and traits like will was rare. but I was still good, I still had my confidence, I still had much to occupy my mind, I hoped I could retrace my step, eventually.

Today is the eventually. My son is currently four months, I still lack the motivation to work out, I shy from posting pictures anywhere, I refuse to show more than face online and everyone that sees me never fails to comment on my shape and weight and how far I have fallen, as if I had wronged them by gaining weight. Whenever I suspect a friend might comment on my weight, I try to get ahead of the discussion but that doesn't mellow the negative feelings it brings onto me.

I bet you wonder what I am driving at with this long narration. I am healthy, I am relatively happy and my son brings me tremendous joy bit I must admit that every time I look in the mirror, I feel a wave of melancholy. I almost pity myself but no more.

My resolution is to embrace myself, the whole part, my curves and corners with joy and be happy for life and health. I know my problem seem ridiculous compared to what is going in the world and it's true. I want to be strong and happy in the way I look because it brought me a little angel and I would gladly do it again.

One more resolution I shall make this year will be to write. I have always dreamt of being a serious writer but I have always managed to find one thing to the other to discourage myself from embarking on that journey. I did take a decisive step when I opted to study English Literature at the University and even went as far as publishing a couple of books but I know that I still have a long way to go before I can start earning from writing. I am not trying to run before I leap. My goal and dream this year is very humble. I just want to be made at least five hundred dollars from writing.

In order to do that, I shall commit to writing something, anything, at least twice a month that I shall publish on any social media platform to be viewed by anyone. I have always been shy and afraid of criticism but not anymore. I hope my writing will touch a lot of people and bring them as much joy as writing brings to me.

For me, writing goes hand in hand with ready so my ambition is to read at least ten books this year. To be more specific, I aim to read ten books of more than two hundred pages each. This is the lowest bar of reading I have ever set for myself as I am used to reading thrice as that a year but given the fact that I am a new wife and even newer mum, I will humble my aim. I am not even confident in my ability to complete it but I sure will try.

Post it! That’s what I call the next agenda on my list this year. I hope and dream to grow my social presence to double what it was last year which wasn't a lot to be fair. I will focus mostly on Tiktok. I will create engaging content and post it and even when I don't have content, I shall try to post something to keep my presence and relevance. With social media, out of sight is really out of mind. I also plan to use my platform to advocate for people that have been discriminated against for their being different. It is right now, a common occurrence in the society to the extent that it's almost normal. I will add my little voice to the fight against hate, racism and discrimination. It might not amount to anything but it will be one more voice for the good side.

Those are my humble hope, dreams and resolutions for this New Year and I hope God and loved ones will give me the strength and mind to carry them out. Amen.