We are in the dawning of the feminine revolution. Anyone who doesn't realize that by now has been hermitting since approximately 2011 and should be given wide birth for the amount of crazy they are undoubtedly holding in.
With this dawning has come the denouncement of the masculine as classically described: "tough, loud, aggressive". There are such movements as "Real Men Cry" and a movement to redefine masculinity in the mass culture. In the self help world there are such trends as "Healing the toxic masculinity", "undoing the masculine trauma", or better still "easing your masculine mind".
Here is my unpopular opinion that I must keep to myself at dinner parties. Here is my truth that I must bite my tongue close to bloody agony to not burst out in my most frustrated tone that I can possibly muster, because I am beyond sick of hearing.
THERE IS NO MASCULINITY V. FEMININE ENERGY. Period.
There I said. Grab your Dove Commercials, tampon ads, and invariable volumes of the modern feminist and slap me in the face.
But all are innocent until proven guilty right? So let me stand my trial.
Masculinity as an energetic term has been given traits over time- the "appropriate" qualities of a male to convey and be perceived as. That definition is changing, the "appropriate" qualities are being redefined- in large part by what women DON'T want anymore. No more violence. No more misogyny. No more sexual harassment/ aggression. No more overpowering stature in our direction. No more fear that the bigger-than-me man could touch me, hurt me, use me, control me, do something to my body and get away with it. No more. The stand has been made.
Men are being told to be emotional, open minded, sensitive, and caring. As a woman- I don't see this as being more feminine. I see this as being HUMAN.
As a woman, raised by men, I've learned that MASCULINE energy has always held these traits. They are conveyed in different forms of expression. When men were raised to be "gentleman"- I'm basing this term off of a commencement speech given the a graduating class of Oxford men in the 1800's literally called "The Definition of a Gentleman"- they were tasked with showing respect to others who are not physically as strong, the more progressive men also took the time to show mental and intelligent respect to those otherwise considered 'too dumb' to get it- i.e. women and minorities. This kind of behavior came about from the belief that we are all HUMAN. Through this truth do we create allies, when the suffering of others finally becomes my own.
What is REALLY being asked for when we say the future is FEMININE is: emotional maturity and intelligence, compassion, open-mindedness, responsibility, and safety. But since when are these solely FEMININE traits?! I believe that women so strongly and proudly hold these traits to their bosom is because our experiences and what we are taught, trained, traumatized into at such a young age prepares us, and assists us in developing these traits. We are ahead of the curve in terms of developing these concepts and integrating them into ourselves. So we OWN these traits, and we call them feminine.
I don't think our beings are split into feminine and masculine. We are divided by our experiences and how we develop in this world. There is a lot that plays a part in that- that's where all the -isms come into play i.e. racism, sexism, agism. We are not black and white. Good or bad. Yin or yang. We are yin AND yang, we are grey, we are HUMAN. Toxic masculinity isn't about MALE- it's about a hurt/ traumatized/ ill-informed/ mislead HUMAN individual living a truth that ultimately hurts others. We've just given men so many outs, so many random illogical excuses to not take responsibility for their actions, thoughts, effects on others. Such stupid bullshit like:
"Men are all pigs."
"Boys will be boys"
*sigh+ eye roll*"Men."
What the FUCK does that even mean?! I hold my sister to the same standard as my brother. If your brain moves in a different way- then LEARN a different way, but you are still held responsible for your actions, words, and deeds while you exist on this earth. No one is exempt. Women are still learning too, we're just learning from a different space.
We hurt other women in the name of competition. Even with all of our best efforts to build sisterhood and tribe- there is still competition and comparision. Is this toxic feminity? No. It was us being hurt/ traumatized/ ill-informed/ mislead from a young age to BEHAVE a certain way according to previous generations societal upbringing and expectations, and that mindset, those standards and expectations shift from generation to generation.
I do not believe that means we all need to sit back and relax. I believe that pushing is necessary, no change in any facet comes without resistance. Winter to spring. Growing Pains from childhood to an adult. The healing of the body. The sprouting of plants. Resistance will appear, but the change is still necessary and imminent.
THIS IS NOT A DISCUSSION ON WOMEN'S RIGHTS.
This is a discussion on the values we are labeling in black and white, good and evil, masculine and feminine. Yes, the previous societal paradigm needs to be shifted. But it's NOT about women rising up- it's not about bashing men over the heads for being a type of human and hauling them off and away. If we behave like this, we're no better than the predecessors and those who wish to push down women's equanimity.
It's about HUMAN evolution- TOGETHER. Teaching each other about equanimity. Teaching each other about pain, hurt, trauma, and how there is no us and them. There never was, and how every "side" of the fence has work to do to come back to being solely and wholly human.
Even a dog will bite initially when you probe at a wound. But we don't hate the dog- we forgive it, because it doesn't know how else to express the pain it is in. Men are not pigs, dogs, rats, jackasses, or dicks. They are human.
So are women. And we will all bite before we heal the wound.
Start holding people accountable for being good people. That guy whose an asshole but really nice when you get to know him- tell him his assholery is no longer acceptable and won't be tolerated. We are so afraid to put up these boundaries towards intolerance in our day to day lives- so afraid of offending somebody or being ostracized- but RIGHT THERE is a resistance to change. Shift the social paradigm. Accountability towards actions, words, and deeds. Undeniable, unshakeable ownership of our lives will lift us away from splitting everything.
Start seeing people as humans. Get out of your heads, out of your minds, out of your energy. Look around. We are all made of essentially 4 atoms. Hydrogen, Oxygen, Carbon, Nitrogen. We are all the same.
Next time you want to add labels, energies, or any kind of categorization to separate yourself from that asshole, remember they had all the same chances atomically to become you.
This may not be the most popular post, nor even liked by majority. That's perfectly fine, but remember that nothing I've said here is novel, new, exciting, or even modern. These ideas have been around longer than me and will be around long after me. But like the great writer Mary Schmich once said, "My advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience."