Lower the mansplaining, I demand R E S P E C T.

Growing up as a woman comes with certain societal expectations. "Always smile and be polite," because no woman is allowed to get angry in public. "Dress the part and look nice," because perfectionsm is in your DNA. "Loud self defence is not neccesary, when you can suck it up and let it go". Being raised in an Eastern European culture makes these prepositions no easier. Traditional convetions are strongly desired since day one of our existence. I could say things started changing in the past two (optimisitically?) decades. Older generations point of view, however, did not.

I've been ecountering gender-related issues my whole life. From being told that I am "not strong enough", "not smart enough to get it" or just that "this is a manly matter"- to working in an industry where men are paid more for the same amount of work women did. Not to mention the "shhh" noises whenever I pitched an idea at a meeting... Or even worse, taking my idea into consideration and then giving the job to a man. Yep, it happened. But ever since I stopped working at a company that made me feel opressed and simply "not good enough" (even though there were countless times when I saved everyone's A$$ and always got the work nobody wanted to do, done on time) I expanded my view on this topic outside of my work enviroment. A few days ago, I had a situation that proved my point perfectly.

I parked my car at a parking lot across my office, not seeing the sign that said "parking allowed for visitors of the fitness center". The parking lot was empty (there were about 3 cars parked) and because of Covid-19 regulations in my country, the fintess center is closed. I left my car there for about three hours and when I finished a job at my office, I went home. As I got in my car, a man approched my vehicle and started talking to me outside my driver's window. As he said "Good day" very agressively,I was already in my seat, ready to start the car and drive off. I put my mask on (the distance between me and him was not a safety distance and the man wasn't wearing a mask) and slightly rolled down my window. The man talked to me in a very angry matter saying "Are you stupid? How many times will you drive pass the sign at the entrance of a parking lot? You musn't park here! If you ever do that again, I will have your car removed and it will cost me about A LOT and you even more. None of us will be happy! Are you deaf?!"

Now let me explain the background story. This was my first time parking my car at that lot. I often visit the restaurant next to the fitness center before or after work. I spend money there at least 2-3 times per week. This man was the owner and I have never encountered him before. The day before this happened, I asked my boss if I can leave my car there and he said "yes, of course". My boss is a 40-year old business man in a suit and tie attire that he wears to work every day. I am a 25 year old young professional woman who works in marketing.

The tone of this man's voice left me kinda speechless. The whole situation actually made me laugh a bit, since I could not believe what I'm hearing. Instead of the big comeback that came to my mind the second I drove off, I smiled and said "Okay, I'm sorry, it won't happen again." But thinking about it later, it made me mad. Oh boy, it made me SO mad.

First of all, I made a mistake. I obviously was not innocent. Nevertheless, I never heard from my boss or my male coworkers who park there often that ANYONE ever talked to them like that. Second of all, ecountering people in times of a pandemic, no matter my perspective, I will always put my mask on talking to strangers. I do it out of human decency and respect for others. Why didn't I deserve the same during this awful conversation? Lastly, the thing that also made me furious was him making unproven assumptions. I never violated the sign before.

So why is that this middle aged man felt so confident and comfortable to speak to me in such offensive matter? Is it because I don't look like I have thousands of dollars on my bank account? (my outfit was professional though). Is it because I'm not driving a Bentley? ... Or is all together backed up with a "she's a (young) woman, what does she know" mentality that somehow always lands in minds of the majority of the older generations and boosts their patriarchy power to belittle other genders?

The biggest question that comes out of the whole situation is: Why is mansplaining almost mandatory when a woman makes a mistake? Or not?

Every man came from a woman and society still demands us to gain respect simply based on gender perspective. Gender is a societal assignment we were given while growing up. Just like superiroty complex that it is taught by an environment that surrounds us. Respect should be earned by human actions, not destroyed by a simple mistake, material posessions and assumptions made by onself. Since we can't re-teach whole generations, it's our time to speak up. One by one, education travels fast. Demanding respect in a situation where you feel like you've been unjustifiably cornered, is okay. Saying "I'm sorry" and expecting people to accept your apology is okay. Expecting strangers to talk to you in a conversational tone is normal. Stopping a person in the middle of their mansplaining... is okay.

Being a woman is enough to expect respect.

Thinking further, it makes me wonder how many times the word "love" gets passed around while women are the topic of men conversations. Sure, every man loves a woman that looks, moves and (maybe even) cooks a certain way. A woman that preferably her own bag. Every man loves THE woman. But do they respect WOMEN?

So here's a PSA: If you claim to love a woman without backing it up with genuine respect... You need to change your definition.