Ladies, These Four Split-Second Decisions Can Change Your Life

Women empowerment is all about knowing and promoting your own self-worth. It’s about exercising your right to make your own decisions and fight for what you believe in. Unfortunately, society hasn’t made it easy for women to have confidence in their own decision-making or in themselves. It seems like we fight and fight just to come to an impasse.

Women empowerment isn’t always collective. We can’t fight for women's equality without fighting for our own empowerment first. That starts with our everyday decisions. Women always have to make split-second decisions. Often there’s no time to think but these quick decisions are the ones that could change your life forever.

1) Forgetting to take your birth control

I’ve forgotten to take my birth control. Even when it’s a daily part of your life, it’s easy to forget to take that tiny little pill at the same time every day. But when I do remember, I’m Stress-zilla.

I recommend that if you do forget — cancel all plans with your partner or practice abstinence until your body is back on track. That might seem overboard but the worry of “Am I?” isn’t worth it especially if you’re not prepared to bring a human into this world.

If you don’t have access to the pill, know your options when it comes to women’s birth control.

Birth control lets you take control of your body. You’re the one who gets to decide when you’re ready. And in cases of rape, while 100% not your fault, remembering to take your birth control can prevent you from having to ask the question, “Should I keep it?”

2) Skipping the condom (“just for tonight”)

You and your partner are feeling frisky. Clothes are being thrown on the floor, you’re kissing passionately, and then your man looks at you and asks,

“Can we skip the condom tonight? It feels so much better without it.”

***tires braking***. Stop. Halt. Cease and Desist.

Even if you’ve remembered to take your birth control, nothing is 100% effective. I know a mom who was breastfeeding and taking birth control and she still got pregnant.

This request is completely selfish and only puts you at risk. Men need to take as much responsibility as the women in making sure unwanted pregnancies are prevented. But it’s much easier for men to ask because they don’t need to worry about getting pregnant. This request puts 100% responsibility on you if you say yes.

You’re the one at risk of getting pregnant and you’re the one at risk of getting STDs. Don’t put your man’s feelings ahead of your own health and needs. If he wants to be with you, he’ll respect you and your body enough to put on a condom.

3) Ignoring your instincts to run

Women are very good at invalidating our instincts or, in other words, society has become very good at invalidating women’s instincts.

Women are coined as too emotional or irrational. Whenever you express your discomfort or concerns to men (or even other women), you’re made to feel paranoid or like you’re overreacting. If you’re startled by a strange man coming your way and you jump, he looks at you like you’re crazy when he was the one who shouldn’t be charging at you in the first place. You’re made to feel foolish of acting the way you do when all you’re doing is trusting your intuition.

You’re either in constant fear of others or in constant fear of your own feelings. It’s exhausting. If you can’t trust yourself, then who can you trust?

I spent 2 years in the worst relationship of my life because I didn’t trust my instincts.

If you decide to push your instincts aside because you’re afraid of what others think, you could put yourself in serious danger.

“We have instincts for a reason. We have been socialized to ignore them, and this puts us in danger. Sometimes, this is a physical danger, like when we are taught that in certain environments “boys will be boys,” and we ignore the instincts telling us a situation is not safe. Other times, it’s psychological danger, like in the situation above. This woman’s urge was to stifle her intuitive feelings about the discomfort, awkwardness, and inappropriateness of his behavior in order not to seem like she was making a mountain out of a molehill.” — Rachael Hope

4) Not saving before getting married and/or having kids

We were poor growing up. My parents had to support a family of 7 (themselves, 3 kids, and my grandparents) so we didn’t have much to spend on anything other than food and housing. My parents are big savers — they had to be. As a result, I’ve grown up to be very frugal with my money.

And I owe them a million thanks for teaching me the value of a dollar.

I was able to pay off my student loans, cash for my car, half of the down payment for the house and condo (that we rent out) and I have my own money to spend however I please. My sister did the same. Not a lot of women can do that and I know I come from a place of privilege but I’ve worked my share of minimum wage jobs and terrible bosses. Getting married in my 30s also helped me get a financial foothold before I committed to my husband.

When you’re in your 20s, saving money is often not a priority. The 20s are for tuition, partying, and rent. But your 20s are when you should be saving. The average age for women to get married is 28. Nearly two-thirds of women ages 40 to 79 experience some kind of major financial transition. Marriage, kids, divorce, daily life, even death all need money.

Regardless of what your plans are, plans change.

Always.

Life will throw your life out of whack and when that happens, it usually means you need money. That’s just the way the world works and you need to take care of yourself, especially when it comes to your financial independence. Don’t rely on anyone else to take care of you financially because most people are looking out for themselves as well.

This isn’t to say that you can’t buy your daily coffee. You need to be smart about where you save and know which purchases aren’t worth your money. It’s the accumulation of the latter that can put you in the hole.

I’m not a savvy investor or a financial guru but I know how to save. While it can be frustrating to have to think about buying a $20 shirt, I’m glad I’m frugal with my money. Learning to save your money takes a lot of willpower but it’s a life skill that could save you in the future.

To recap:

1) Remember to take your birth control and as Moira Rose says, “You better track that cycle, Missy!” Only you get to dictate when you want kids.

2) Never ever put a man’s ego and wants ahead of your health and needs.

3) Trust your gut even if people make you feel stupid. You’re not stupid.

4) Be your own CFO — make smart purchasing decisions so you don’t have to depend on anyone else for theirs.

The only way to further women empowerment is to empower yourself first and that starts with knowing loving yourself and knowing your worth.

This story was originally published on Medium.