Kicking Sass and Taking Numbs

Kicking Sass and Taking Numbs

Ode to the Kick-Ass Heroines of Yesteryear and Today

By

R.C. Mantley

Kick-ass heroines are all the rage these days. From Olga Kurylenko (Sentinelle, Netflix) as the brooding, pill-popping, Special Forces operative who is determined to avenge the rape of her sister. To Queen Latifah, as the latest incarnation of an ex-CIA operative named McCall—in her case, Robyn McCall—who is an Equal Opportunity Avenging Angel otherwise known as The Equalizer, now doing her shtick on CBS Television. But no matter the guise or who plays the role, or where these Idols of the Cave flicker, the tradition of the nose-busting, butt-whupping, take-no-prisoners distaff destroyer is alive and well— kicking. Or nannu, nannu, as Robin Williams as Mort, from Mort and Mindy, would say.

You might ask yourself: from whence did this extraordinary crop of head banging women spring in all their pulchritudinous and pugilistic glory? And surprisingly enough, they got their start on the small screen, better known as the boob tube. These modern day Amazons arose from the bulky, bulging, cathode- ray tube and later transistorized faux wooden boxes that used to grace our living rooms. TV in the age before color test patterns and humungous flat screens. The age when television was a chiaroscuro of shadow and light, a son et lumiere, full of fury (guns blazing) and variety shows and quiz shows and—dare I say it—a smorgasbord of family shows. TV before the nuclear family fractured and Bill Gates unleashed Microsoft upon the world. Once upon a time, into this literal Twilight Zone, before Rod Sterling designated it as such, a woman named Honey West happened upon the scene. Honey West, que horrible, ran a detective agency. Honey West was played by Anne Francis, a veteran actress who had an irresistibly sexy mole penciled on the side of her lips. This mole was a thing of beauty, like a Grecian Urn. Nature had calibrated it perfectly; it was not too large or too small. The woman surrounded the mole. She was all blond hair, blue eyes, svelte figure, and slinky, sexy outfits. And she had at her disposal a bevy of James Bond-like gadgetry to foil her opponents. To top it off she had an ocelot named Bruce as a pet. An ocelot mind you. Who even knows what an ocelot is nowadays? Together with her male sidekicks—who might as well be nameless and faceless, a couple of schlubs—Honey West dispatched many a bad guy. Sadly, the show only ran for one season, from 1965 until 1966. Clearly, Miss West was a pioneer, ahead of her time. But if you want irony, here it is in spades. One of the reasons the network (ABC) decided to cancel the show is because they decided it would be cheaper to import The Avengers and run it in the same time slot than keep producing Honey West. Ain’t that a kick in the head? Ooops, sorry Honey.

Which brings us fortuitously to The Avengers, the action-packed ditty from across the pond, Merrie Olde England, that replaced Honey West. The Avengers had the dapper duo of Emma Peel (Diana Rigg) and John Steed (Patrick Mcnee) The Avengers was all style and grace. The Avengers was an epicurean delight. In contrast to Honey West, The Avengers ran for four seasons on ABC—1965-1968. Patrick Mcnee—the show’s anchor-- is fine but the real reason to watch the show is Emma Peel nee Diana Rigg. Yes, she steals the show right out from under Mcnee’s patrician, stiff upper lip nose. You had to marvel at both her verbal and physical prowess. It was quite uncommon. A coterie of well-known actresses was paired with Mcnee e.g., Honor Blackman, but when Diana Rigg got the part the show soared and reached its apogee of popularity. Ms. Rigg left the show after she bested the producers in a pay dispute and decided she wanted to pursue other projects. But Emma Peel left behind a legacy of stylish, kick-ass ladies who DO NOT DO LUNCH. They’re more likely to leave in their wake a trail of broken, mangled male bodies, bruised egos, and mouths agape wondering: Who was that lovely lady who just gave me a good, old-fashioned butt-whupping? Or to paraphrase the late, great, James Brown: Momma come here quick and bring that lickin’ stick.

Meanwhile, in America, in the 70’s, during a time when action films featuring predominately African American casts and storylines were ignominiously labeled, Blaxploitation films, Pam Grier soon emerged as the queen of the genre—she always sported her magnificent Afro like a crown. Most of these movies are, admittedly, low budget stinkers. But among them a few gems did shine. One of them was a Pam Grier vessel named Coffy. Ms. Grier played the title character. Coffy was out to avenge the death of her younger sister from a drug overdose. The movie did manage to bring to the public’s attention how illegal street drugs were ravaging black communities at the time, primarily heroin. But it was only a pretext to send Coffy on her mission as an Avenging Angel. And what a flaming angel with a terrible, swift sword and high-heeled boots she was. She kicked ass and took names and did it with a panache that left moviegoers in awe.

After Coffy, Pam Grier when on to make other successful films like Foxy Brown and Jackie Brown. But it was hard to top Coffy. It marked her as one of the Godmothers of Kick-ass heroines. Think of all the actresses who followed in her footsteps: Linda Carter/Gail Godot (Wonder Woman), Lindsay Wagner (The Bionic Woman), Lucy Lawless (Xena, Warrior Princess), Tamara Dobson (Cleopatra Jones), Krysten Ritter (Jessica Jones) and Uma Thurman (Beatrice Kiddo and The Bride in Kill Bill 1&2). The list goes on, of course, it’s a worldwide phenomenon: Charlize Theron (Atomic Blond, Mad Max, Fury Road, The Old Guard), Jennifer Garner (Peppermint), Noomi Repace (The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo movies, Unlocked, and Close), Taraji P. Henson (Proud Mary), Gina Carano (Haywire, Daughter of the Wolf), Luisana Lopilato (Perdida) and Ngo Thanh Van (Furie). We should all hail and bow down to the kick-ass heroines of yesterday and today. Long may they reign and continue to put their foot in the place where the sun don’t shine.