Just A Woman

THE CASTOR OIL MIRACLE

At certain times in my life during elementary school, I didn’t want to go to school, especially from fourth through sixth grades. I was talked about and picked on constantly and didn’t want to go, so I tried a few times to fake sick. I got away with staying home a couple of times, but Mamma later caught on. She devised a plan that would get me to do just about anything I didn’t want to do….by giving me castor oil.

According to Mamma and Grandma Cola, castor oil is noted to cure the following ailments: headache, common cold, constipation, diarrhea, skin breakouts (by internal colon flushing), dandruff, and hair growth (by applying the oil directly to the scalp). I am sure there were other uses, but those mentioned were the ones I remember.

Castor oil tastes awful, and everybody knows it, and I think anyone who finds it flavorful is a masochist. I can still taste the flavor in my mouth, and I haven’t any of the stuff in over 30 years! However, my mother thought she could fool me by mixing that God-awful elixir with orange juice or Coca-Cola to get me to drink it. C’mon, really?

Therefore, anytime I tried to fake sick out of school, she would test me by offering a dose of castor oil to cure me. If I were lying, I’d jump out of bed and get ready for school. If I was really sick, I’d lie in bed while she found some other medicine or call the doctor. It was a foolproof method that worked 100% of the time.

As far as the bullying goes, there were a couple of people in particular who bothered me all of the time, but I got the last word in the end. One of them had gotten pregnant at the age of either 11 or 12 and had to leave school, so that was the end of her. Funny though, I want to thank those people now for making me tough enough not to give a f#$* sometimes.

MY COKE ADDICTION

Coca-Cola was a necessary food item in everyone’s home when I was a kid. It makes sense because the soft drink was invented in Atlanta, so we loyal Southerners were NOT going to ever drink Pepsi back then. God forbid if you were in Georgia and was caught drinking Pepsi. You HAD to be from out-of-town.

I don’t know how I became hooked on Coke, but I do know that I always had one of those curvy green bottles in my hand to quench my thirst on hot summer days. By the time I was in sixth grade. I was downing Cokes two and three at a time. The bottles came in an 8-pack cardboard carrier, and I would drink at least one of those every day. If someone were to cut me with a knife, I would bleed Coke syrup.

The addiction ended, however, when I started to get back pain (kidneys) and began a diet to lose weight. No Cokes allowed. I did expand my beverage repertoire to include Pepsi once I got older and moved away from home, but there are still some die-hard Coca-Cola devotees out there.

PINK CHAMPALE AND BC POWDERS

Shortly after Christmas in 1979, I started my first menstrual cycle. I was given the arsenal of supplies needed to survive the monthly battle; Modess Sanitary Napkins, Midol, and BC Powders. However, one item was added which made this package special, Pink Champale.

Pink Champale, the “poor man’s champagne”, was popular in the ’70s and ’80s, and was sold in a 4-pack of nicely wrapped pink mini-champagne bottles. Mamma gave me specific instructions that the drink was only to be used in the case of severe cramping. I complied because I knew I couldn’t get the stuff on my own, so a few times a year until I graduated high school I received this ‘remedy’.

When I left for college, I stopped using Pink Champale and moved on to more potent libations.