I Thought I Was Losing My Mind.

I Thought I Was Losing My Mind. It Was Hormones.

I woke up on my 46th birthday and, for a minute, I thought I had lost my mind.

Not in a poetic way. Not in a “wow, life is stressful” kind of way.

I mean something was actually wrong.

My body felt unfamiliar. Like I didn’t want to be in it. My skin didn’t fit right. I was itchy, restless, wired, and exhausted all at the same time.

And emotionally, there was no container anymore.

Everything I had been holding together, holding in, holding back, just… broke loose.

Like a jar under pressure that finally cracked, and everything inside spilled out all at once.

I couldn’t regulate it. I couldn’t reason my way out of it. I couldn’t calm down.

For a minute, I genuinely thought I might need to be committed.

That something in my brain had snapped.

It hadn’t.

It was hormones.

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Here’s the part that still gets me:

Nobody tells you this is what perimenopause can actually feel like.

We hear about hot flashes. Maybe mood swings, if someone wants to joke about it.

But no one says:

you might feel like your brain is glitching

your patience might disappear overnight

your sleep might quietly fall apart

your body might suddenly feel foreign

your emotions might stop staying where you put them

So when it happens, you don’t think, “This is hormonal.”

You think, “What is wrong with me?”

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Perimenopause doesn’t announce itself clearly.

It can start in your mid-30s or early 40s. Sometimes earlier.

And it doesn’t always show up as heat.

Sometimes it shows up as:

anxiety that doesn’t match your life

rage that feels out of proportion

brain fog where your thoughts used to be

a body that won’t settle

a nervous system that won’t stand down

It feels like you. But... off.

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If you’ve been experiencing this, I want to say something plainly:

You are not broken.

You are not suddenly worse at handling life.

And you are not the only person quietly wondering if you’re losing it.

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What you might be experiencing is your body shifting in a way no one prepared you for.

Not gently. Not gradually. Not with instructions.

Just… changing.

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That doesn’t mean you ignore it.

It means you get curious instead of ashamed.

Start noticing patterns. Sleep, mood, energy, cycles.

Write it down if you can. Or just pay attention.

Because once you see the pattern, it stops feeling random.

And when it stops feeling random, it stops feeling like you’re the problem.

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Have conversations with people who understand hormones, not just stress.

Ask questions. Push for real answers.

Because if you treat this like a personal failure, you’ll keep fighting yourself.

And this isn’t you versus you.

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It’s your body asking for a different kind of support than it used to.

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If this felt familiar, you’re not dramatic, you’re not late, and you’re definitely not alone.

You just weren’t warned.

And maybe now, you can be the person who does the warning for someone else.

If this made sense, follow me here or through the bio links. Explaining things so you don't have to feel broken is kind of my whole thing.