I Don’t Want to Be Your Superwoman

It’s a bittersweet thing to be seen by others as Superwoman. Although at first glance it may seem like a compliment, after earning my Superwoman title I’ve realized that it ain’t all good. In fact, I’m just furthermore convinced that Superwoman had to be one tired ass lady.

A lot of women wear many hats in their household. I can name a list of roles that I play in mine. Just for fun let’s name a few.

• Mom
• Girlfriend
• Chef
• Maid
• Appointment setter
• Thinker for everybody (all women know what I mean)
• Provider
• Personal shopper

And that’s to name a few of the jobs taken on IN ADDITION TO being expected to work outside of the home for 40 hours a week. The thing that must be understood is that even though I’m guilty of wearing many hats, I never said I wore a cape too. Even though I live up to the role, I don’t WANT to be your superwoman.

I’ve grown to realize that irresponsibility is a luxury. In all honesty, in general, it’s a luxury afforded to men longer than it’s afforded to women, especially once they become mothers. Now in no way am I discrediting the role that men play in the home but let’s be honest, a lot of men could never successfully handle all of the responsibilities that women are faced with and the sad part is that they aren’t expected to.

To be clear, I don’t believe in applauding a fish for swimming so I don’t need any praises for handling my business BUT the issue comes in when I’m expected to handle my business as well as business that could be shared. I don’t mind being superwoman if I have to be, BUT I’m not into being the hero for a man.

Michelle Obama made the comment that we’re “loving our sons and raising our daughters.” IF SHE DIDNT HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD WITH THAT ONE.

We have such a strong focus on raising girls to be independent and to “not need a man” but we’re dropping the ball in teaching our sons about being independent and “not needing a woman.” That sounds crazy? It’s not when you look at it from the perspective of why would we raise our daughters to be able to play any role in the home necessary but then we have our sons becoming adult men that can’t cook or don’t know how to properly clean a bathroom? Maybe if we raised both women and men to be independent without each other then we’ll be able to foster healthy relationships where both parties are bringing a full feast to the table.

We can’t expect equally reciprocated relationships when we’re raising girls to be independent but teaching boys that it’s okay to be dependent in all aspects accept financially. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, and taking out the trash don’t count either. But then you wonder why successful Black women are so quick to proclaim that they don’t need a man. Well if the financial part is covered, what else is a man expected to provide because clearly, I can take out my own trash.

Two words come to mind: responsibility and accountability. Too often we give men the easy way out by saying, “he doesn’t know how to do that because he’s a man.” “We can’t expect him to play that role because men just don’t know how.” WHAT!? Men are allowed to fall short in responsibilities where women just can’t. And regardless of whose doing it, responsibilities and necessities don’t change so everybody knows that in any team, if one person falls short then the other is left to pick up the slack… but we’re amazed by the superwoman complex? We don’t have an option.

I’m aware that for the sake of this blog post I may have over-generalized and I do understand that this does not include all men but I’ve also been noticing a trend so I’m giving you something to think about.

Personally, I’ve learned to take it as a compliment. I can appreciate the fact that people look at me and feel that I’m handling my responsibilities well. It’s comforting to know that I have the strength and the know-how to stand alone if I had to. My intention is not to change the positive connotation that comes along with giving a lady the title of superwoman. All I’m saying is that the next time you feel compelled to call a female “superwoman”... remember that even superwoman gets tired too.