How to Build Up Your Confidence

We've all been there. "This dress makes me look fat," "this skirt makes me look like I'm seeking attention," etc. We are all ruled by social norms and by the "what will they think of me?" stigma. I think it's time we change all that. I've always been insecure (I made a post about my EDs already if you want to check it out). Always preoccupied with my body because I thought that my physical appearance is all that matters and that nobody pays attention to your inner self.

Picture this: an incredibly elegant and beautiful woman walks into a room. She's wearing some chic sunglasses and a pastel pink kimono dress with golden and white roses imprinted on it. Her legs are perfect, and her shoes are even more flattering. Everything about her screams "beauty." A man approaches her, offers to buy her a drink and she accepts. He calls the bartender with a lift of his hand and orders two mimosas. They come almost immediately and they start chatting to break the ice a lil' bit. Whatever comes from her mouth, though, is utter stupidity. Even her lipstick can't cover her obscene comments about others and this really puts off the poor guy who thought that day would be his luckiest.

What I'm trying to say is that we can all make ourselves look pretty but it's your personality that defines a lot of you. First impressions matter, of course, but they're not everything. I used to hate my body. I'd find the slightest pinch of skin and call it fat. Result? 50 extra push ups to get a thinner arm. I'd have a spot on my face due to menstruation. Result? Cover it up with as much makeup as possible, although I'd still see myself as a disgusting human being. The truth is, once I recovered from anorexia, I thought to myself that I'd want to start over. Say, "me, meet me" and start over. I stopped looking at myself in EVERY single glass window or mirror I saw and instead focused on walking confidently, straight, knowing that, even if I wore an oversized jumper and some leggings, I still owned them. Every morning, I wake up and look at myself in the mirror. The moment my brain attempts to break me down, I look at some part I like and reinforce the image in my head. Doing that, ladies, is not egocentrism. It's more about finding who you are and what you actually look like. If you try and make yourself the smallest possible human being in a room, no one will pay that much attention to you or will perceive you as shy when in fact you're an extrovert and funnier than any comedian. But, even if you avoid social contact like the plague, making your frame stand out already offers a different impression of you and it certainly makes you feel better.

There's also the whole "I'm bad at everything" or "I'm a really boring person and have nothing interesting going on in my life." Actually, whether you're an excellent cook or a fantastic singer, or you love shopping, there's always a way to make your favourite activities be awesome. Passion is what, in my case, made me more confident. It's true that a lot of people can sing, but I know I have a different voice and, even if I don't like the sound of it cause I usually degrade myself more often than not, I still find that I can make my own music and make it sound cool, even if I put myself down for it. I also love rollerblading but, since I love it, I've practiced more tricks and gotten better at it. It's all a question of developing those things that make you YOU and own them. Even if you knit, it's something not everyone can do, and your taste in what you do will be different than others, thus rendering your work truly personal and unique.

So, ladies, find something that you enjoy and make it yours. Look at yourself every day without thinking you're being egocentric. No, you're looking at an individual with her ambitions, hopes and dreams that can seize the day like no other.