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Home life struggles.

A mother doing more than she should.

By Kathleen Published 2 years ago 3 min read
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It’s the 21st Century and in many cultures and societies today, a woman is still expected to cook, clean, take care of the kids, be at home etc. For me, I never envisioned myself being a stay at home mum by choice even though my mother did it herself until my younger sister turned 3. Hats off though to those women who are stay at home mums. It is a challenging but rewarding job indeed. As for myself, I just want to work and be a mum but I’ve been told otherwise countless times by parents, in-laws and other people with the same, old fashion mindset. I’ve heard it all - the guilt tripping, the downside to working and not being there for your kids, the missing your kids grow up speech or you’re the woman let your husband do the working speech. In all fairness, I could see where they were coming from but what I tend to forget half the time is that that is just their opinion. I do let a lot of things get to me to a point where I’m balling my eyes out, I feel like I don’t have control over my emotions, rethinking my life choices and my work choices. And this is wrong. This shouldn’t affect me at all but sometimes it does. I’m sure some of you ladies out there are going through something similar because I sure hope I’m not the only one.

Here‘s me married with two kids. Going back to work had always been a mental challenge for me because I always thought about whether the kids would be ok without me. And of course, that’s completely normal. What doesn’t help is that when you do go to work and then come home, you don’t expect to find the house upside down with laundry not done, dinner not cooked or worse - no meat even put out to thaw and cook with; kids not washed, kids not fed, clothes not folded and house not cleaned. This is totally unacceptable especially if you are living with your partner regardless of whether you are both married or not. You’re supposed to be a team, working together and a lot of the time this is what I come home to and this is how I pretty much feel.

We are not the richest nor poorest family, neither are we scraping paycheck after paycheck just to pay rent and bills. We’re ok right now I guess. But I find when coming home most of the time is this disorganised environment. I am a mum but I am also my own person who wants a stable career and wanting to provide the best I can for my children. Asian cultures particularly don’t always agree with trying to do both because they think it’s not practical, I say otherwise.

Ladies, it’s not easy, it’s challenging but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a life of your own too. Times where I have come home with things not done I just feel like I want to leave this marriage because I don’t feel completely supported. To find a lazy partner playing games with not much done is something you don’t expect to come home to. I get sometimes they’re tired from work or it’s their day off and they want some me time but sometimes I wonder if they realise how you’re feeling yourself? I have this thought nearly all the time and to stay sane, I just walk into another room, take some deep breaths and then come back to prioritise what needs doing first. A mother’s day is never fully over until the kids are asleep. Though you will have had a long day at work always be prepared to have more on your to-do list when you get home.

To the men who are reading this, please be understanding that sometimes we just want you to help out. Not everything has to be done but checking some things off the to-do list will help for sure.

Feeling burnt out is the last thing anyone needs because you can’t do anything for yourself or your kids and it’s not fair.

Help each other, talk to each other, say how you feel, work together. Make it work and sometimes once that communication is broken there may be no going back.

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