Hold On, Karma's Finishing Her Drink. She'll Be Right with You

Disclaimer: these are the views of the author, who has herself categorized this as humor, and are not necessarily those of Words Breaking Boundaries. This post is not meant to cause offence, and we apologize for any that may be caused. #womensmarch2018

In theory, the fact that #45 is spearheading the total breakdown of our culture can be a good thing. Especially for women. Now, before your Chai Tea shoots out your nostrils, keep your Lululemon's on and hear me out.

It was inevitable a Trump presidency would incite tremendous change in our country. Unfortunately, we also knew it would hurt like hell and it would get ugly before it got better. We’d bitch about it at the international water cooler known as Facebook and the work would be defied for another generation. After all, we’re too busy SoulCycling and Pinteresting.

But, as the administration continues to enact its self-serving agenda, you can almost hear millions of Americans clearing their throats in a what-is-happening-now-I-have-to-turn-off-DWTS-and-pay-attention kind of way. Yeah, it’s happening. It’s YOU! Not your kid or somebody else’s kid five or ten years from now, but YOU! Put down the Doritos and pay attention…

I’m glad the new regime has mobilized so many people to create awareness for so many injustices. So many diverse candidates all across the nation are running for office, and for women, these turbulent times have the potential to finally shatter the glass ceiling of wage inequality, misogyny, and centuries of male-dominated fuckery.

You see, women instinctively band together in times of crisis. It was our collective vision and effort that propped up our young country during WW1 and WW2. We gladly gave up our silk stockings to sew parachutes for the servicemen who were our fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons.

We have organized and pooled our skills in farming, gardening, healing, cooking, sewing, building, birthing and rearing, wrangling and even strangling if need be. Because that’s what we do. That’s what our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers did before us. It’s in the genetic fiber of all women and woven together, it becomes the fabric of strength, innovation, and perseverance. And we wear it well, even the white. AFTER Labor Day, bitches. Now we do what we want.

We are so ‘over’ media campaigns that try to symbolically subjugate us. It just makes us politely snicker and roll our eyes. Those bulimic, bleached, botoxed media depictions of women no longer drive us to compete with each other or buy the goods and services that used to dull our divine shine.

You guys have shamelessly airbrushed too many thighs, lips, and tits and now we’re just tired of your shenanigans. Do something good, won’t you, and finally clean the water in Flint or something. That would be sexy.

Deep down, you’ve always known your mom is smarter than your dad, didn’t you? We’re your mothers and we know what’s going on. We know what real women look like and what real women do because they live right next door. We’ve met them. They’re our neighbors, our nurses, doctors, teachers, caregivers, coaches, and cops, and we are forever unified in our primal directive to care for each other. Just watch.

So, while we’re being all kick-ass and resourceful and rebuilding the country over here, y’all be naked, barefoot, and starving with nothing but your cash to wipe your asses with. You can thank the "Orange One" for that.