“Hitting a wall”

Sex. It’s a very normal part of life that it’s usually enjoyable for the average person. But there are some instances where this is not the case. This is something I know all too well.

I remember the first time I heard the term “hitting the wall” during sex. Even during foreplay, they said they were hitting a wall. I didn’t know what they were talking about at first, but when we tried penetration I started to understand what this term meant. It was a VERY painful occurrence and no matter how much lube or foreplay (which was also painful), the pain was EXCRUCIATING and it had to be stopped.

A few days later I decided to look up what it meant to “hit a wall” during sex and one word popped up more than once - vaginismus.

Vaginismus an automatic reaction where your vaginal muscles tighten up whenever penetration is attempted, hence why it may feel like there’s a wall blocking the penis entering the vagina.

One thing I kept asking myself was ‘why?’. Why is this happening to me. But it happens to a lot more people than I initially realized.

It was so bad that I couldn’t even insert a tampon and had to stick to using pads. Another time it was really difficult was when I had to insert a pessary and almost cried out in pain because my vagina was that swollen and red that anything going near that area was the MOST painful thing I had ever felt in my life.

I’d never really spoken about it because I was scared of what people would say, so I kept it to myself for about 2 years, but after constant research I realized that it’s more normal than most people could think and it’s not as much of a taboo subject as I made out.

Not only did I have vaginismus, but I had excessive vagina dryness on top of that so anytime something went into that area it was ridiculously uncomfortable for me.

I’m yet to go to a doctor about it, because I read that a treatment of vaginismus is to have Botox inserting into the vagina to allow it to open up; something that freaks me out as I do not like needles.

Right now in my life I don’t allow sexual penetration because it’s far too uncomfortable for me but hopefully soon I will be able to enjoy sex and not live in pain anymore.