Has Feminism Gone Mad?

This is something that has been plaguing me recently. As a young feminist in this infinitely connected world, I am constantly seeing both parts of the argument (no matter how stupid or logical; it seems both receive the same amount of airtime).

We either see representatives who genuinely have the right approach, they do not get angry and they pragmatically lay down their argument and try to educate those who do not understand, whereas alternatively you have those who just simply use the podium to lead a completely new hate campaign. Let's just get one thing straight first, if I may: TRUE FEMINISTS DO NOT WANT ONE SEX TO BE SUPERIOR TO THE OTHER. This is just one of the many misconceptions of the true meaning of equality. If an individual believes that they are better than men, that they deserve more opportunities over them and they act in an oppressive way towards them, they are not in the right person you should be lending your ears to. They need to sit with all the other small and hate filled groups and scowl from the sideline whilst the grown-ups make this world a better place for the generations coming up.

Now, I am going to disappoint a lot of my friends and family here; this matter was first brought to my conscious when I ashamedly watched the first few episodes of this year's Celebrity Big Brother (it is Year of the Woman, forgive my curiosity). This season was celebrating the 100 years since women fought and won the right to vote alongside the men of our wonderful nation. At first I was absolutely beaming with pride, there were women both young and old. They were from vastly different backgrounds (a page 3 girl, a right wing journalist, an ex member of parliament, a transgender socialite, an award winning actress and an ex police officer involved in the uncovering and dismemberment of the Rochdale pedophile ring and many others) so as you can imagine, watching these women share their experiences in life, with their different outlooks on society and different values but without any aggression or need to change each other's minds was refreshing. For the first few days, these women were living without men. Seemingly tranquil and just a generally accepting atmosphere. Soon the men then entered the house. One of which was a drag queen, Courtney when he was presented as a woman and Shay when he was dressed as a man. This young man is of a breed completely ahead of the rest of us. The opinions of others did not offend him, and his mission in the house was to help people understand his decisions, and often diffuse situations where two different values do not meet in the middle of respect for each other. I am proud to have this utterly incredibly person as a fellow feminist. The polar opposite to this ray of sunshine, I introduce India Willoughby. Though at first, her quite cold and unwelcoming demeanor was endearing. I initially thought it was a protective barrier she put around herself, which is completely understandable after learning her journey (spent her whole life until her middle age living as a man, a situation I could not comprehend, how relentlessly awful it must be to live in the body you were born in but still know it was not the one meant for you). Then when the men came into the house she became increasingly spikey, and actually began to start turning on the women as well as the men. Taking dramatic offence to the most mediocre reasons (one of the elder members of the house referred to her as "he" unintentionally just after India was discussing her life as a man before transitioning. It was immediately met with apologies from the "offender," those of which she aggressively and dramatically rebuffed before storming off to take a nap), and rather than rationally explaining to the other parties why she felt such a way, she would just scream "I AM A WOMAN," then storm out of the room if anyone else tried to put a word in edgeways.

It dawned on me then...she is the example that people are choosing to identify as a feminist. That is how others think feminists behave in the political group setting. We don't like what we hear so we have our tantrum, throw our burning bra in the air, and then run to our beds to throw ourselves upon them in a woeful fit of tears worthy of a Disney Princess. And so this is why every time I tell an individual I am a Feminist, I actually have to JUSTIFY why I believe in equality?! What the hell kind of insanity is that? I recently had a male friend say to me, "If you want equality then why isn't it just called Equality instead of Feminism?"...because if men wanted the same thing the women wanted all those years ago there would be no need to have such a massive historical movement. It is called Feminism because it was a small group of women that saw the problem with the world as it was. And it went from there. The same way Marxism stemmed from Karl Marx, the founder of the left wing political standing. It has nothing to do with the values just suiting people called Mark. Don't be foolish. That is a foolish reasoning.

I do not consider myself an hysterical woman. I am happy to explain til I am blue why I believe my niece and nephew should be given the same opportunities in life. Once, I was in the pub with a couple of friends, and made my way to the bar alone to order a drink. A gentleman then proceeded to compliment me on my eyes. Absolutely fine, thank you very much, what a kind thing to say. That was until he asked me if he could search me for the rest of my non-visible tattoos (they are in various places and you can see some lead further under my clothing). I should have been aghast, in total shock. I was not. "Right you are then, here we go again" was actually what went through my head. I did not raise my voice, I did not scowl, and I did not cuss him out. I simply said, "I honestly hope you never have a daughter, so you never have to look back at this moment and feel the shame you will undoubtedly feel for how you just spoke to me. Knowing that I could be your daughter, and you could just be another gentleman 20 years her senior who thinks he has a right to speak to a stranger in that manner because it is a woman." It turns out he did have a daughter. A six-year-old little girl. An age where he has not had to walk through a street and watch as she is observed by strangers because of her waistline and cup size and make lewd comments on her sexual qualifications. But that time will come, I warned him. We spent a short while talking. He apologised and I forgave him. Because he had no idea how it feels to receive that attention, because no one took that time to break it down rationally and use empathy to help him understand. Nobody cares about something really until it affects them personally. And that is the sad truth of it all.

In a time that we are in, where the whole world is literally the click of a button away, we are still not seeing the best the world has to offer. There are people out there that hold the feminist values in the most monumental ways, but they are not loud enough to drown out the idiots with a chip on their shoulder, using their pedestals to confuse us and inspire hatred. If you believe that anyone, of any sex, of any race, of any religion, of any walk of life has the basic human right to live their life in a way that makes them happy without the cost of another person's happiness, then you are a feminist.

Gentleman, if you love your mother and appreciate the things she did for you coming up and would never see her devalued because she was the one that gave birth to you, because she was born with the parts to make you possible, you are a feminist.

Ladies, if your son wants to be a Disney Princess for World Book Day at School, and you make sure you get him the best damn gown out there to make sure he feels 1000% a princess, you are a feminist.

Older siblings, when your little brother/sister came to you in tears because they were being victimised and you taught them how to fight their own battle and win, because success is not given, you know they have to get it themselves, but you're still going to teach them how, you are a feminist.

You all see the wrong done to your fellow humans. And feeling that it is wrong is only half the battle. We need to use our voices as a collective if we stand a chance against the idiots. We need to look after each other, rather than worrying if you stand up for a cause that begins with "fem," you'll immediately sprout your own vagina and get a massive pay cut at work.

Yes, you have to be incredibly brave to stand up for what you believe in these days, because we're surrounded by people ready to tear down anything positive happening in the world. So I am not asking for a full scale revolt against misogyny, I am just asking for a small gesture each day. A gesture of understanding. Ask another person how life is going. Take the time to listen. Your world will open right up in front of you.

We are all in this together. Isn't it better if we all try a little bit harder to understand each other.

"Feminism: The social, political and economic equality of the sexes" -Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Yours faithfully,

Nin

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