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Girls Who Rival Girls

by Jamie Stokes 4 years ago in gender roles
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We should be building each other up, not rivaling each other.

So, what's the deal with girls trying to rival other girls? I don't mean that question to be entirely rhetorical, I'm genuinely curious. I've never understood the whole "I don't like you, so I'm going to be passive aggressive towards you and give you backhanded remarks, but still act like I'm nice so when you call me out I can act confused and say 'I've been nothing but nice to you!'" logic.

Maybe we can conclude it's because they're "jealous" like our moms used to always tell us. But I don't think it's that. I think that girls never learn how to be friends with other girls. We're constantly told that "girls are bitches" and that they can't be trusted. Is this true? Are we inherently untrustworthy and mean to each other by nature, or is it because we've always been described as this? I think it's because it's how we're told to think about women.

Let me explain the purpose of this article: there's a woman in a class of mine and she has been trying to gain the spot of my rival since day 1. Why is this? Is it because she wants to be the "alpha"? Or because her personality is abrasive and she just comes off like she's being incredibly rude? Or does she really have a problem with me? I have to think that it’s because it’s hard for women to be nice to each other overtly and actually be friends. I think even though I’ve been nice to her, she still feels like there’s a reason why she doesn’t like me. Which is totally fine, I have people in my life who I just don’t click with for no reason at all other than we just don’t click. But I don’t constantly try to prove my place to them and everyone around by undermining them and their intelligence. So, again, I ask, why does she even waste her time trying to “rival” me?

This is one example of a lifetime of girl rivals who try to intimidate me or other girls. There were girls when we were in elementary calling other girls names and making fun of them behind their back, but not to them. Like I said previously, I think it's because we're taught to hate each other, because everyone, even women, hates women. I think we don’t like the idea that another woman gets more attention that us, even if we claim we “don’t like attention.” That’s bullshit, because everyone likes attention. But it’s easy to pin it on other girls, for whatever reason we can think of, and become their “rival.”

I've learned to not take it personal and that it doesn't matter to me. I'm okay with not associating myself with other women who act like high-schoolers. I don't need to prove myself to anyone if they're going to treat me badly just because I'm also a woman? I'm not trying to act holier-than-thou about this, or act like I've never been mean to another girl when I was younger, but I outgrew that. Like I thought everyone else did when we graduated (or hopefully before that).

Are "girl rivals" created by women being intimidated by other women, our nature/nurture, because only one can have the attention, or is it simply because it's been ingrained in our culture (which goes with nature/nurture)?

Women. Please stop this. Stop trying to create a rival with another girl, no matter your reasoning. Also, rivaling? It’s fucking stupid and childish. Come on, grow up. Stop adding to the already difficult time women have in society. Stop trying to be "different" and just embrace your womanhood. Let's all play nice and stand together as women.

gender roles

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Jamie Stokes

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