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Forgiveness During the #MeToo Movement

It Is Possible

By Angel MortonPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Over the past ten months, I have watched countless women come forward and tell their truths about sexual assault and harassment. From celebrities to laywomen around the world, the #MeToo Movement has never failed to inspire me. I, too, am a survivor. I am approximately one month away from marking five years of a rape that I still don’t know how to process, and this global coming together has often been painful as it has revealed festering wounds that I had once thought were scabbed over. But, it has been therapeutic. To have a world full of women come together, in a sisterhood that none of us wanted, and lift each other up and say, “I see you,” is far more beneficial than I could have ever imagined.

I’ve written my story before and I truly no longer have the energy to relive it, even in print. I gave an interview several months back to the Philadelphia Inquirer about my rape and I’ve yet to read it. Once you see it, it’s real again. Maybe I need that. Maybe these fresh wounds are good, but for now, I’m ready to ask, “what’s next?”

For me, it’s about moving on. No, I am not past this incredible phenomenon and what it is attempting to accomplish, but I am ready to take the next steps towards healing. I still want to hold individuals accountable, but I personally need to let go of the anger that has consumed me for the past year. For the past five years.

I have no closure with my rapist. Matt. His name is Matt. I’ve never revealed that, but there it is. Matt. Matt, I do not forgive, although I’d like to think I’d be open to the opportunity if it ever presented itself. I’ve thought about what would happen if I could confront him. What would I say? What would he say? How could he prove to me that he was no longer a monster? That’s a hard task, but if I don’t allow myself to think there’s hope, then what’s left.

That’s the problem I have with this movement. It has encouraged and fanned the flames of our rightful anger but has yet to offer us a constructive way to begin the healing process. I desperately need some sort of ending because I am struggling to breathe from being stuck in this suffocating cloud of righteous indignation. Again, I just need to be able to move on.

Speaking personally, I believe in second chances. They are not for everyone; there must be an acknowledgment of guilt. There must be contrition. And yes, there must be progress in the right direction. I’ve seen countless articles by women that complain about someone’s apology or acknowledgment “falling short,” and far too many have. There have been the egregious actions of those like Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby, or the half-hearted, flaccid apologies from men like Mark Halperin and Louis CK. None of these men have any clue the anguish they’ve caused, nor do I believe they care. But I cannot allow myself to believe that every single man that has been brought to account for his sins is past redemption. That’s too cynical, for even me.

Recently actor Casey Affleck sat down with the AP’s Lindsey Bahr to discuss an upcoming role and inevitably past accusations against him came up. Affleck, who is legally not permitted to speak about the settled lawsuits with two employees from 2010s mockumentary, I’m Not Really Here, does address how his views on the movement and what he’s learned from it. He speaks of contrition, embarrassment, and teaching his sons to be better. Is it perfect? No. But I refuse to throw out the good in search of the perfect. Affleck is genuine and in the eight years since, we’ve heard no repeats of his previous bad behavior. Yet, most of us have not moved on from his previous transgressions. Brie Larson refused to acknowledge him as she handed his Oscar for Manchester by the Sea and the conversation around him became so great coming into this year’s Oscars, he pulled out of his presenters’ role to make the situation less troublesome. So, when do we get to forgive Casey? He’s owned his mistakes. He’s shown genuine remorse. He’s worked to educate himself and pass those lessons to his two sons while taking them to women’s’ marches. What more does he have to do?

And this is where I fall out of line with the #MeToo movement that I love so much. I refuse to buy into incessant rage towards people who have put forth good-faith efforts at bettering themselves. Frankly, it’s exhausting. At some point, we have to give up the anger towards those who’ve worked to correct the previous bad behavior. We must forgive.

feminism
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About the Creator

Angel Morton

Philly based photographer and writer. I write about elections, rape and rape culture, and feminism among other things. My other writings are @ https://almopinions.wordpress.com/

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