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Forever With Us

A legacy lives on

By Christine McPhersonPublished 3 years ago 7 min read
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Mom's funeral

It was a cool fall day October 24, 2019. While the air felt brisk in the early morning hours, the sun was shining like a promise there would still be some warm days ahead. Today though was not to be like any other day I had experienced in my 48 years of life.

It had been a long journey to get back home from Qatar to Canada, and jet lag was creeping throughout every bone in my body. It did not help that I had barely slept the day before leaving Qatar because every part of me was in pain. When I wasn’t crying, I sat on the floor staring at the wall wondering how my mother had passed away so quickly from cancer and never even told us she was sick.

I had my moments of gratitude that I had wonderful friends in the Middle East that helped to search for flights, get me packed and finally onto that plane for that long journey home to complete a task that no child ever wants to do. We think of our moms as superhero’s that will be around forever so here was my mind wandering off in disbelief that she had died. And she did not just die, she did not tell us she was sick so we did need even have that one moment to say, “I love you”, “thankyou”, “I will miss you” and not even a goodbye. That was my mother hoping to spare us the anguish of suffering with her.

As I arrived too the funeral parlor on that brisk fall day on October 24th, I was overwhelmed by how many people were there. The place was jam packed and I had this feeling that I was attending a concert that had standing room only left. I recognized all our family members and Moms friends, but who were all these other people? As I made my way through the crowds of people and stopped to chat, I came to learn that my mother had not just touched the lives of her children and grand children but of so many others I knew nothing about.

What was their story?

Why had they come to celebrate her life and say goodbye?

Was there more to my Mother than what I knew as her daughter?

I needed to know more!

In 1962, Mom would become one of the very first women police officers to serve on the Ottawa Police force. Not an easy workplace in those days as women had to share the locker and change rooms with their male counterparts in a very dominate male workforce. A male workforce that was not too impressed that women were being recruited. But Mom was close to 6 feet tall and being raised with strong French-Canadian parents she could stand her own ground. That must have been what my father loved about her. A short 5 foot 4 inches he would marry my mother in 1964. I was born in 1965 and Mom would end up deciding to leave the police force and stay home to raise her family.

Mom in 1962 after joining the police force

As I spend most of my home life in the kitchen, I jokingly tell my children and grandchildren I was born and raised in the kitchen. I in no way mean that in a derogatory fashion towards women. My mother opened the door to women being on the police force in 1962 so her choice to stay home and raise us was a choice she made and not one that society made for her. But with Mom the center of our home was the kitchen. She was a fantastic cook and who wouldn’t be after being raised with a French-Canadian mother.

Our kitchen though was not simply a place for cooking and eating. It was a place where life lessons would be taught, where memories happened, where protests took place, negotiations happened and where you argued over getting grounded. I must admit though I never won an argument over getting grounded!

Mom always made sure we had chores to do that were relevant to our age but in 1977 Mom announces she is going back to work but this time with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and that everyone is going to need to help out around the house more than we already do. Being the oldest of the kids, one of my added chores was to peel potatoes after school. I seriously hated peeling potatoes and it never went without me announcing that to my Mother. Even if it meant calling her at work to protest on how unfair this was. My vocal complaints never got me out of peeling the potatoes and instead it earned me the same lecture each time! Life is full of things we don’t want to do or don’t like doing so instead of complaining about peeling the potatoes maybe you can try to search for something positive in it. My protests would grow louder as the same old mom lectures would reach my ears. And then bang that is when I would get the “somethings in life are worth standing up for and protesting over - potatoes are not one of them”.

Who would have thought that the simple act of peeling potatoes would be become two incredibly valuable lessons in my life in that we can find positive in everything that we have to do and that if you are going to stand up and fight for something make sure it’s a worthy battle!

So here I am on my flight home from Qatar to Canada to bury my Mother. My mind is racing as I try to comprehend that she is no longer with us. My mind goes around in circles over our good times and our difficult times as Mother and Daughter and I wonder how our lives will continue without her presence.

As the sun is peeking over the horizon and my eyes feel so painful, swollen and soaked from two days of crying, I can see the coast of North America and my stopover airport in Washington DC is not far away now. I still cannot seem to digest that I am rushing home to bury my Mother. As my eyes close to try and find some peace in my mind and heart I drift back to my work in Qatar and how hard it has been working in a country where human rights are almost non-existent.

Why was I working in Qatar and why did I care about human rights there?

It all goes back to those many lessons and lectures that always centered around:

  • Stand up for things you believe in….
  • Some battles are worth fighting for so choose them wisely….
  • Be grateful for each and every day that you have been given and choose to live it to the best of your ability….
  • In times of challenges and weakness be strong and know that you can overcome anything..,.
  • Be kind, understanding, compassionate and forgiving. Share your love with everyone that you meet no matter who they are or where they come from.

But let’s get back to the beginning of this story where I found myself intrigued with all the people, I did not know that showed up to my mom’s funeral. I know one would think this is fantastic so why is it even a thought in your mind. Well, it was a big thought in my mind because life was not always easy between Mom and I and we had our controversial moments. In fact, we had many controversial moments. Mom was stubborn and strong and so was I and that would lead to many head-butting times between us. She was an incredibly strong woman, so I found myself wondering why all these people we did not know had come to pay their love and respect for her.

As I walked around the rooms meeting many strangers that knew my mother, I would come learn that everything she taught us about living she lived herself. As I listened to the stories of the acts of kindness and the moments of compassion and love that my mother shared with others, I felt this incredible gratitude that I had been blessed to have her as Mother.

After she retired, she devoted her life to volunteerism with the Ottawa Police and various organizations that worked in crisis, distress, and addictions. Every person at her funeral had an incredible story to tell of a woman that helped them through the most difficult times in their lives.

Mom volunteering with the police force

When mom wasn’t busy helping her grandchildren to learn to skate, knit or cook she was busy helping others to work through their crises.

Mom did not simply teach us values and morals but rather she lived them every single day of her life and she not only made an incredible meaningful contribution to her children and grandchildren but also to those in need.

Mom with her granddaughter and great granddaughter

As we all still gather in the kitchen despite having plenty of other rooms to use, we laugh and share memories of an incredible women, a boss mom and grandmother. While she is no longer with us she lives on in each of us and in the lives of those she touched.

Our world was a better place because she was in it!

Mom receiving the Citizenship Award for her volunteer work with the vulnerable

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About the Creator

Christine McPherson

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