Fetal Heartbeats in 2821

Content Warning: This fiction contains details regarding sexual assault and abortion.

Raven had never liked shaving her legs. Or any other part of her body for that matter. Today though, she found herself digging through her boxes of unused makeup and half-empty lotion bottles in search of the electric razor she had stashed away. She turned it on, listening to the electric hum for a moment before taking off her pants. As the fine hairs from her legs drifted to the floor her tears followed suit until Taffy, her large dog, bumped his snout under her arm.

She turned off the razor to hug him close, a drip of tears and snot coating his black fur. When she had regained her composure, Raven pushed him out of the bathroom and closed the door so she could finish trimming the hair between her legs. She quickly tugged on a shirt and black jeans as her great aunt, Annie Ambrose, called. Raven glanced to the side, the video call shifting from filling her vision to a small square in her peripheral overlayed and integrated into her vision.

Annie spoke softly, “We are outside your apartment,”

Raven pulled on her jacket, grabbed her bag, and whistled for Taffy to follow her out the door, “I can go by myself.”

“I know, but we are already here.”

“Hello Miss,” Dash trilled in his sing-song voice, his head coiling into view on the video. Raven had purchased Dash for Annie a few years ago. The strange robot with extending limbs took care of Annie’s needs.

“I told you to call me Raven.”

“Yes Miss—Raven. Yes Raven,” Dash responded while Annie rolled her eyes. Having spotted the driverless car, Raven waited for a second for the transparent doors to slide open like an elevator. They climbed in, taking the seats that faced Annie and Dash. Raven didn’t say anything, shifting her long black hair so it flowed over one shoulder of her black leather-like jacket.

Annie grasped the handles of her hover chair, leaning forward slightly, “It’ll be okay.”

Raven rubbed at the velvet soft fur on Taffy’s ears and scoffed, “Says my menopausal great aunt that—”

The younger woman paused, biting her lip and fighting back tears. Annie plucked at a bit of lint on her burgundy dress. It was long enough to cover the long atrophied muscles of her legs, “Neither of us have ever been the promiscuous type. In fact, I do recall you telling me you are asexual.”

Raven avoided eye contact, stroking Taffy’s fur.

“I also know Taffy would never let something bad happen to you.” Taffy barked assent.

“It’s complicated,” Raven muttered, wiping fresh tears from her face.

Annie sat back, grimacing as they pulled up to the abortion clinic. There was a crowd of prolife protesters holding up graphic signs. A row of women dressed in long red robes with white bonnets lined themselves up between the protesters and the car as Annie and Raven exited the driverless car and entered the clinic. Raven glanced back, Taffy and Dash watching them go like puppies in a pet store window.

“Who were those women?” Raven asked as her and Annie sat in the waiting room.

“The handmaids? It started as a fiction novel but it was a reality for a few American states around 2030. Faded for a while. Now they are a women’s rights movement, operating around the world.”

Raven took a shaky breath, grateful for their intervention. It had not been so easy to enter the clinic for her first appointment last week. She looked at the holographic painting on the wall. It was a sailboat on a glimmering blue ocean. The heading text above it read, keep sailing on. She didn’t get it last week and still didn’t get it today.

A nurse dressed in baby pink called her name and ushered her and Annie into an office. Medical equipment had already been laid out along with some after-care pamphlets. The nurse passed Raven a smock, “The doctor will be ready to see you in about two hours. I will step out for a moment to let you change.”

Raven quickly changed into the smock which was also baby pink. She hated it.

Annie said, “You shaved your legs.”

Raven cleared her throat as if to say something but simply shrugged. The last time she had shaven her legs and pubic hair was when she had to have a pap smear. It somehow felt appropriate. Like part of the sterilization process before starting surgery. When the nurse knocked, Annie called her in. Raven laid down on the bed, trying to stop her legs from shaking as she put her feet in the stirrups and shifted position until the nurse instructed her to stop. Annie held her hand while the nurse talked her way through each step, putting dilator sticks in a location Raven wished nobody would ever touch again.

The nurse covered Raven's legs with a blanket, “Okay Raven, sit tight for a couple of hours. We are going to get you through this.”

“Can she move?” Annie asked.

“No, just slow deep breaths. I’ll check in with you every half hour,” She slipped off her gloves and passed Raven some pain medication and a small cup of water before slipping out of the room once more.

“Goodness. Wish we could afford the nanobots,” Annie breathed, adjusting Raven’s blanket as best as she could from her hover chair, “Should I regale you with my latest historical writings? Or have you thought of some other distraction?”

Raven took a breath, “I thought I…”

She clenched her jaw, lapsing into silence again. Her great aunt started, “You know, your uncle and I tried exploring sexually.”

“I’d really rather you didn’t try to relate to me right now,” Raven interrupted. Annie was not a blood relative, but Raven’s uncle had been like a father to her. She didn’t care to think about anyone's sex life but especially not his.

The pair fell silent, Annie tryed again a few minutes later, “I don’t have any feeling in that area. Never really got the urges either.”

“Lucky,” Raven whispered, turning her head to look at the wall. She didn’t say anything until the nurse had left after the second check-up, “I thought it would be okay, but it just hurt. I told him to stop.”

Annie touched a hand to her shoulder, waiting for her to continue. Raven had never been much of a talker, much better at writing. Her voice quivered when she spoke again, “I trusted him, but he didn’t stop. Taffy started barking. He had locked him in the bathroom, saying it was too weird to have a dog watching. I just waited for it to be over.”

Her shoulders started to shake as she cried again, “He tried calling me the next day.”

When Annie was certain Raven was not going to say more, she stroked her niece's long black hair, “It’s going to be okay darling. We will talk to the police and that man will never hurt you again. I promise.”

Raven only nodded.

“I’ve been reading your work,” Annie said, hoping to distract her from her pain, “You did good, busting those scam artists. Must have been some expert hacking tricks.”

“Hacking tricks? Auntie, even you should know nobody would ever call it that.”

Raven never called her auntie. Annie smiled, “You know you should use some hacking tricks on Dash. For a robot, he is still a bumbling idiot. I swear, he let my tea steep for ten minutes yesterday.”

Raven rolled her eyes, “He is supposed to be quirky. It makes him more human.”

“More like his circuits are wired wrong. You could have ordered me one of those sexy new models with the skin that heats to the same temperature as a human.”

“Gross, a sexbot?”

“They call them companion models.”

“Yeah, and I hear their service is excellent,” sarcasm dripping from Raven’s words.

---

The doctor arrived after a longer than expected wait. Raven clutched Annie’s and the nurse’s hands while the doctor used a suction device to remove her unwanted pregnancy. Raven thought she would feel relieved but instead, she just felt empty and overwhelmed with the pain. Annie requested a DNA test be done on the tissue and soon they were back in the car with Taffy and Dash. Raven hugged her dog but there were no more tears left in her.

She could feel the pad they had given her, large enough to feel like a diaper. Raven thought about climbing into her bed and never coming out. She had replaced the mattress less than a week after the rape. It didn’t feel like enough of a change in the present moment though, even after twelve weeks.

“To the police station?” Annie asked gently.

Raven nodded. The car lifted off, weaving through the traffic like birds maintaining formation. Despite the discomfort she was in, Raven knew she had to do this before she lost her nerve.

The police questioned her thoroughly. As she struggled through the answers Annie maintained a mask of silent support. The interrogation ended with the question, “Will you be willing to testify in court?”

Raven brushed her fingers through her hair. Annie said, “She is the strongest woman I know. She can do this.”

The detectives looked from the elderly woman to Raven who nodded again, she was a journalist. If she could do it for other people she had to do this for herself, “Yes. I don't want him to hurt anyone else.”

After exchanging contact information the group went to Annie's apartment. Raven stayed on Annie’s couch for a week, Dash doting on her every need. It was the first time either of them had ever spent more than a day together. When the pain had receded enough, Raven and Taffy took a walk along the wall that separated the city from the ocean. She took a deep breath of the salty breeze. The sky was a pale blue, fading to white at the horizon. It seemed like the ocean and the sky had melted into one another. Far off on the horizon was a ship, its sails full.

Raven stroked Taffy’s fur and whispered into the wind, “I’m sorry you never got to have a life. I’m just not strong enough to be a mother. Please forgive me. Live a full life in the next universe.”

---

Thank you for reading. I am so fortunate to live in a country where I have legal autonomy over my reproductive rights. Not everyone is so fortunate. If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or is in need of abortion services, please consider all your options and make an informed choice. There is help and support available to you somewhere in the world.

Read more about Annie & Dash or Raven & Taffy:

Click the owl to read more of my work. Find me on FB, Insta & Twitter @akelseyreich. Written by Kelsey Reich on April 23/2021 in Ontario, Canada.