Fat girl privilege

Guess who is unoriginal but I REALLY hate my body. I can’t even say lock down has a lot to answer for because I was overweight before. Chins that go on for days and boobs sagging so hard that I trip over them when I walk.

My darling husband tries to comfort me by saying that my belly is more to do with the excess skin that comes following not one but three c-sections. What I see when I look down is a grotesque belly that Raphael painting models would have nightmares about.

This isn't a pity me post. This is an 'I am normal post'. I know I need to lose weight but with having corona virus and having a sit down job, I am still not in a position to exercise more than the daily walk with a dog. Either of those, take your pick will indeed make me breathless. But its a highlight on how lucky I am because the key there is I fought corona. I am still alive unlike the 31 thousand British people who unfortunately lost their battle.

It's true first world problem hating myself for being fat when there are people starving all over the world. But its my privilege. I have a heck of a lot to be thankful for, having a wonderful family whom I adore and thankfully get to isolate safely with, to having several friends I know I can rely on and know they can rely on me, even if I can be a bit flaky. I have animals because of my deep need to be a Disney princess and who knows, maybe one day my cats will master the art of washing up or my dog will learn to use the sweeper.

I have a roof over my head that this isolation is allowing to work on and improve and i have a cupboard full of food. Unless my entitled ass wants chocolate which I try not to keep in the house because like I said, fat girl problem and food is my comfort.

Now it just seems like I am bragging but they are the things in life we can appreciate and I am sure, the reader can think off the top of your head what you are most thankful for. I am not going to hate on you fpr whatever you pick because that is your privilege.

I sit here in my lavender scented bath with my yummy black cherry scented candle relaxing and taking this moment of reflection to appreciate the gratitude I have for the amazing workmates I have who got me said items for my birthday; I am a very lucky lady.

But for all of that, i still don't like how I look. I give you a picture to truly accept my image and you may relate, you may look in disgust or be amazed that it is the body of a woman who managed to carry 3 babies into the world and 1 angel who was just too good for us to meet. And for that marvel I can admire the science of my body, doesn't mean I have to like it.

Take my nursing shoes and I don't mean breastfeeding kind of nursing because who does that? But when I was at uni in my attempt to become a nurse before I realised I actually don't like people. You could chose pretty pumps for placement. Black, uniform, effective and cheap. So pretty and comfortable for about two days before they fell apart at the seams. You can have your slightly more expensive lace up court shoes. Sturdy, practical blister-attracting leather and stiff but man they lasted well through those 12 hour shifts. Or there was the best ones in my opinion. The unloops. I would never resort to spending crazy money on shoes because of all the things I am grateful for you will notice, one of those things isnt my bank balance. These shoes were around the seventy pound mark but they were a semblance to memory foam cushioning for your soles. They were sturdy but flexible and of the shifts I did do, not once did I get a blister. But with all the amazing features, they were not pretty. But I loved those shoes! And still do as I still have them, six years later.

So my body is my unloop nursing shoes. Practical, somewhat sturdy but in no way pretty but at least it was built to last. Or it would be if I didn't feel like I was falling apart.

I have psoriasis over my face, ligament damage in one knee from my energetic days as a runner. Wrist and elbow pains from now working at a desk. I have actually had moisture lesions and a new found respect for the elderly bed bound clients I used to care for because those buggers hurt. My husband takes the somewhat risky challenge of cellulite gelling my butt but lets face here, that its a losing game. I cant reach that thing because my arms cant reach the circumference of the moon in orbit. But still this can be worked on.

I hope in sharing this someone can look and shame me into not wanting to have a heart attack or other cardiac event before my next birthday. But when you have the mentality like mine which is to make enough gripes about how I look, what has anyone got to go against me with, its a good adventurous challenge. For now I'm getting my vacuum packed arse out of this bath so I can let the rest of the bath water out. If anyone governments need flood sorted, I have some extra fat down this way they can use because that sucker holds more water in the back of the bath when its emptied than the Lady-bower dam!