Experience that changed my life

I am 21 years old woman and it is just the perspective of my, young woman, who are not against all men, view.

I can start with statistics and all the data around the world about how many, how young girls have been sexually attacked, insulted or just manipulated by opposite of sex. Even though, this time I am going to talk just about my experience.

I was 17 years old and yes, Virgin. I always knew that sex and intimacy are important in relationship so that was the reason I did not rush into any relationships. I was focused with school, good grades and my friends. I was happy just living simple teenager life without love stuff or being someone's girlfriend.

One day, I remember as it was yesterday, I met one boy. He was mutual friend with my other good old friend, this is the only reason I met with him just for cup of coffee. Everything looked so innocent and sweet. Believe me. Until when we met and his third question was if I'm having sex a lot. I remember how I laughed, because I truly thought it was kind of joke, because we JUST MET. After couple of seconds I calmed down and nicely said - No, I am still virgin. So no, don't have much of sex.

These were the seconds , first ones, when I understood that something is weird. He immediately became almost mad and told me - ''It is not okay being ALREADY 17 and still virgin. Most of the guys do not like these type of girls because maybe there are problems with them, if they still haven't done that''

I was shocked. I really was. No one has told me that before. No one, even my good friends boys. Then, it was like first red flag. But I haven't met these kind of buys before, for that reason I just keep talking and trying to get know him better. Suddenly we stopped at his house, of course, I have no idea why. He told me that he simply just forgot wallet and some important document. I didn't ask much about it. It looked OKAY, nothing too suspicious.

While he is opening his car door, simply asked me to come with him. Why?- I asked. ''It could take a while until I find all these things-he answered. He told me just sit on his bed and we can go. Everything looked so normal and understandable. When actually it was big second flag to run away from him.

I am sitting there calmly and waiting for him. After couple of minutes he comes and starts kissing me from nowhere. I was confused. I stopped and ask why we don't go somewhere for coffee or just talk, because it was our first meet. He didn't answer just keep kissing me again and sliding his hands under my blouse. I stopped again, telling him that let's do it another time or just not yet. He was ignoring me, like I didn't mean nothing and he was there alone.

Suddenly he grabbed me and pull me on his bed. I remember how I was freaking out inside my mind but kept my face straight. I was keep telling him NO, that not tonight, please. He was smiling. Yes, smiling. Maybe that was turning him on or something. Then pants was coming off. Panties too. I couldn't count anymore how many times I said NO and PLEASE, NEXT TIME. I was fully naked from belly to toes. That moment, I was crying inside my head. I truly wished I would be dead. I tried closing my legs while he was doing opposite of that, really hard. Seconds later, he was inside me. My head was screaming. I was young, believing in nice and cute boys, just happy. While at that moment, being naked on the bed it felt like all my life just flash in my head. Being there, while not being able to do anything it was so hard. So, so hard. Physic pain it was nothing against how I felt mentally.

I remember, started praying in my head not for god, but for my Mom. I was saying in my head - Mom, please, Mom. I don't know how everything happened but I have never been more happy when my mother suddenly started calling. Yes, she was. She saved me. The men stopped, to let me answer it. I answered so scared and my mom was shouting at me just because of some dirty room or laundries. I couldn't hear her, because I was just too happy to hear her voice. Words didn't matter to me anymore.

After all, the man let me go home when he heard that my mom was shouting. He was driving me home, while holding my hand. All I heard is him saying '' I will finish another time, lets do it again ''

I came back home, so scared but also so happy to be at home. I went straight to my room. I started crying so hard. My whole body was shaking. I had a shower just to feel better, but there was no way that shower could have helped.

I was afraid of everything. I couldn't stop dreaming nightmares for two weeks non stop. I was traumatized. I had no idea how should I live how to act and be normal after everything. Anytime when anyone tried to touch me, I used to get flashbacks on that evening. I never told that to anyone, I guess I knew, how that could affect my loving family or friends. I wanted to take care of it by myself. To live with it. I don't know if you can completely heal from it. I couldn't. But I found the way to keep living and find happiness.

Anytime I hear about another victim I can feel the pain. I have met a lot good guys, so I know that there are just some people. Who need justice and I know that one day, they will get it. Karma is a bitch, BITCH.