EduKating through Caribbean Cultural Expectations and Mindsets

As a Hispanic-American woman of Immigrants, there are expectations and mindsets that are put upon me that I have no control over. It has taken a while to understand but I understand that now. On July 26th 2019, I was on my way to an interview when an older gentleman from the Dominican Republic kept eyeing me. I had my headphones on, but something told me to take the off when he asked me if I was Dominican.

I said “Yes, I am Dominican.”

He directly he asked me, “Do you have any kids? Are you married?”

I stopped myself from overreacting when I said assertively, “No, I don’t have any kids and am not married yet.”

Next thing he said was “You should have kids while you are young. And do it now.”

I told this man fervently, “ No, sir. I don’t need to have kids now. Times has changed.”

Well that shut him up rather quickly but the point I am trying to make is this: what compels men, (and I say men because most of the questions come from them, my sisters of Caribbean decent understand this) to still live in this mindset of expectations? This is the main purpose of the article: what is the driving force that steers them to impose these expectations on young women, especially women from Caribbean descent and is there any way to influence any change whatsoever?

Examining Cultural Expectations through My Lenses

Growing up Hispanic in NYC from Dominican Immigrants, there is a certain lifestyle and understanding they have carried with them that is difficult to depart from. As a Hispanic American, I haven’t lived the full life that my parents have, but I can’t say they have either. Through my lenses, I grew up cultured, conservative and protective about my understanding of my beliefs and values I’ve nourished passed by them. As to the concepts being discussed, the moment of defiance on the train hit a deep reserve of values and understandings I have about what it is to be a woman and how one is to live.

Therefore, I am representing for most women of Caribbean descent when I write this: almost all of us grow up with parents who grew up in a time where values like hard work ethic, respect, dignity and kindness was treasure gold, and now it is like a catastrophic epidemic of moral excellence being upheld and seen as cool. My parents are the most humble, loving, caring, conservative parents you can ever come across. They are slowly seeing that what they grew up believing is changing but slowly and socially accepting that marking your body and piercings are just fine, not to be with someone who is not your race is beautiful, to believe the Darker Skinned Jesus is the really more accurate, and to not have kids and a man and/or a husband before 30 is not the most accurate truth of lifestyle for most women.

I represent most women here when I say: there is a unspoken timeline imposed on us. That women are to be mindful of old customs and traditions. It highlights how women are to be but quick to hide the imperfections of most men. This is not about bashing men. Most of them grow up culturally and maternally cocooned and educationally stunted. They live being catered to most of their lives and see their own moms excuse their son’s poor treatment of women and lack of nurture and respect for them as way of life. Therefor, it becomes a believable and acceptable belief that a woman’s place is to be a housewife, cook, give birth, attend to children and only worry about looks and body health.

It is impossible to reverse generations of old mindsets. We can’t remedy the past generational challenges passed down to our young boys and men. As a friend told me, you can’t teach the older generation new tricks, but you can defy, redefine and educate them on how it is done.