Viva logo

Do You Want to Know a Secret?

by ly h 5 years ago in body
Report Story

My Last Taboo...

I have a secret. It could be argued that keeping this secret makes me a bit of a hypocrite. For all my body positivity, there is one thing about myself that I cannot learn to love: my facial hair.

Until about I was about 30, I wasn't a very hairy person at all. My body hair was all fair & fine. As such it wasn't something that I gave much thought to. To begin with I had a little bit of fine hair on my neck, which I put down to getting a bit older. The hair quickly progressed to my chin, then to my upper lip. I started waxing it and so began my facial hair war.

As the hair got thicker I consulted my GP (as a person who had crazy periods, sometimes one a year, sometimes lasting six week). PCOS should have been any easy diagnosis. In actual fact, it took six years to convince a doctor to even investigate. Blood tests revealed increased hormone levels and that was that. I was prescribed medication to regulate my periods, which thankfully worked. The beard, however, remains. I'm too pale & fair for laser removal, and nothing else really does the job. The hair continues to get worse. I've tried waxing, hair removal cream, and even a no!no!; none of them keep my face smooth for more than a day or two.

I can love my fat and my scars. I don't even care what others thinks about my often hairy legs. I feel no compulsion to remove my pubic hair other than when I feel like it. I don't wear make up daily & my hair is most often to be found in a very messy bun. I have skin tags and moles and birthmarks that it has never even occurred to me to feel self conscious about. I am almost entirely impervious to societal demands upon my body. Expect it seems when it comes to my increasingly hairy face.

A hairy face appears to be my line in the self-love sand. I cannot get past the notion that it renders me repugnantly unwomanly. As I write those words I know how stupid and misogynistic and backwards they are. Yet none of my strident feminist views prevent me from being utterly ashamed of my stubbly chin.

The fact that I have internalised this patriarchal bullshit makes me so angry. I know I don't have to measure up to some nonsensical notion of femininity, but part of me still wants to. I hate that. I hate how much energy I waste on getting rid of this hair. I hate that despite my best efforts I have bought into such a narrow definition of what being a woman is.

Maybe part of this is the same as any other stigma; no one talks about it. Well, not outside hushed, unhappy tones with our closest ones, or whispered exchanges with professionals who might rid us of the dreaded hair. I know other women who have PCOS, but none of them have visible facial hair and I've never asked. Are they, too, constantly removing fuzz? I wouldn't know, because I'm not sure if talking about it would be rude or even outright offensive. So, I just carry on feeling like the only person who could have a side job in a Victorian freak show.

Until now. I've decided to come clean. Yup, I have a beard. I may not ever be ready to let the world see it, but at least I can start talking about it. It's just hair, right? Fuck it. Girls can be furry too. What's the worst that can happen? Someone might even have a good tip on how to get rid of it!

body

About the author

ly h

Freelance writer & blogger based in Glasgow. 37yr old plus size, vegan lefty. Specialises in body positivity, mental health & cruelty free living all with a feminist slant.

www.somethinginthewayshemoves.me

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2022 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.