But Why

by Jennifer Cooley 11 days ago in body

Where the hurt began

But Why
Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

It had begun to feel like the love that she had always wanted. Every other guy before that always treated her like shit! So she was used to nobody really caring about her.

She had her first boyfriend in her junior year in high school. It lasted about 3 months, but to her it seemed like an eternity. He wasn’t all that great and she didn’t fall in love with him. They went on a couple of dates and exchanged a few kisses here and there. But nothing to make her want to let him take her virginity. She was waiting for the perfect guy to take her breath away....little did she know that she would have to wait almost 20 years to meet the guy that would prove that not all men are the same.

Sucks to say that she lost her virginity at the age of 18....not by choice.

She wanted to save herself for marriage because she didn’t want to be anything like her mother.

It happened during one of her weekend passes while she was at AIT in Virginia. Seemed like everyone from base was going to the same motel that weeekend...even the guy that she had a crush on.

She didn’t know that later in that night that guy and his friend would have their way with her.

It started off with some drinks...Southern Comfort and MD 20/20. She trusted these guys because they were in the military with her and they acted as though they were her friends.

So oblivious to what was really going on, she let them pour her drinks, not knowing that they were slipping drugs in her cup.

She remembers that she was going in and out of consciousness. She remembers screaming “Stop! Please don’t!!!” But they kept on going. Passing her back and forth like they were hitting a blunt. She remembers screaming for her friend to come help her, but she forgot that her friend left almost 2 hours ago.

She remembers one of them telling her to “shut up before you get ya in trouble!”

She remembers waking up the next morning naked in her motel bath tub with nothing but her socks on. Vomit in the sink. Vagina throbbing. Head throbbing. Face puffy. Hands shaking.

What happened?! Why did they do this to her? They were supposed to be her friends. They were supposed to protect her, not assault her.

She didn’t tell anyone because she was embarrassed. Why would she tell anyways? When she was 15 her mother’s boyfriend molested her and nobody believed her...so why would they believe this.

This is where her hate for the black man became even stronger.....and she was/is a black woman.

Jennifer Cooley
Jennifer Cooley
Read next: The State
Jennifer Cooley

Single mom

Disabled Army Veteran

Weed is my healer

Nail art enthusiast

Skin care fanatic

See all posts by Jennifer Cooley