All the Reasons Why Having Big Boobs Suck!

Oh man, how the hell have I been actively blogging for six years and never covered the topic of large breasts and their epic annoyingness? Don't get me wrong, I have written about boobs in many other ways like, "lingerie for the well-endowed" and "what foods melt best on breasts." However, never have I ever created the most honest and relatable piece for my fellow DD's and that is, WHY HAVING BIG BOOBS CAN ABSOLUTELY SUCK SOMETIMES (and by sometimes, I mean all the time)!

Sure, they look hot in some v-necks and can sometimes fill out a dress to perfection, but nine out of ten times, for big-breasted women, if it looks good it doesn't feel good. Now I can only speak from a natural breast point of view, but I have no doubt there are women out their with fake, large breasts who can relate to many of these complaints as well. From pain and embarrassment to sleazy stares and limited options, being the owner of double D's can literally be a curse rather than a blessing. Here are a few reasons why having big boobs sucks!

Clothing Options

Ohhhhhhhh how I love clothing these giant melons. Button-down shirts bust open, v-necks come with the risk of boob spillage, strapless dresses are impossible, and sizing options are limited and/or embarrassing. Let's not forget when you wear sweaters and sweatshirts, you immediately look ten pounds heavier. Last but not least, when you have big breasts, no matter what you wear, if it is form-fitting you automatically look vulgar and kind of slutty. Sorry, it's true. Big, vulgar, slut right here according to my completely ordinary t-shirt collection.

Multiple Bras to Do Anything Active

When you have a D chest or bigger, whenever you want to do anything active like run, Zumba, walk, yoga, spin, etc., you must strap on the armor that is a sports bra. However, unlike smaller-chested women, one sports bra doesn't cut it. We need two, sometimes three just to hold these puppies in place and these bras aren't fashion forward and sexy, these bras resemble more of a parachute or straightjacket. And if you sit in the wrong position while wearing these, you risk the possibility of passing out from the crushing of your lungs and rib cage.

Boob Sweat

I mean what else can I say here? When you are carrying ten pounds of breast tissue and become warm, you are going to sweat in any confined area and by sweat I mean similar to the giant bucket at the water park that tips every five minutes, that kind of sweat. Small-chested girls probably have boob sweat too, but what a tsp of sweat is to them is a gallon of sweat to us. It sucks and there is nothing more to say than that.

Bra Selection: Support vs. Style

I love pretty bras. Lace, sheer, plunge, front closure, and bralettes, I love them all. Now ask me if I get to wear any of those. Nope, never. Sure, I get some lace in there but that loses its appeal when you throw in massive cups that can be worn as a helmet, four-prong closures that lock you in like a vice, and straps as big as a book bag. It's not like I haven't tried other bras, but it usually ends in non-sexy under boob, nip slips, and a week's worth of back pain.

Bathing Suits, What Fun!

Bathing suit shopping goes like this. "Do you have a XXL to go with this medium bottom? No, OK I didn't think so. Thanks for nothing!" Or a swimsuit so ugly my grandma wouldn't wear it even if she were alive. To top it all off when it's time to purchase this semi-acceptable looking thing it costs an easy 150$. More fabric, more bucks. It's not like I want to wear this people, but if I were to attempt a string or wireless bikini top, bad things would happen. Bad things that no one wants to see at the beach or public pool. Bad things that will give fellow moms a lot of shit to talk about. Bad things that will either scar boys for life or give them something to think of later. Bad things that will make me never want to leave the house again!

The Impossible Strapless

As I stated above in my off limit attire and bra options, I had to give good ole' strapless bras their own section. The strapless bra to a large-chested woman is like a golden tan to a redhead, that shit just isn't going to happen. I have tried, oh how I have tried and it ended up with me drunk at a wedding and a bra wrapped around my belly button. People must of been looking at me like what are those lumps in that girls dress? Is that a belt she forgot to put on the outside? Are her boobs actually hanging that low? Never again in the name of the Lord will I attempt the strapless, no matter how much sticky rubber shit you claim to have in your bra band.

Constant Readjusting

Just like guys have to adjust their really small balls in their jeans, women have to tuck, slide, and lift their breasts too. Not even from doing something outrageous like a cartwheel or jumping on a trampoline, I'm talking as minuscule as bending over to pick up the dollar bill I dropped. Except a dude can just nonchalantly grab and move his twig and berries until comfortable, but a lady not so much. How often do you see a woman walking around just grabbing her tatas, moving them around, and tucking them back in? Yeah, ya don't! Just another reason why having big boobs absolutely sucks!

Sleeping

Why does sleeping suck when you have big boobs you ask? Well, first let me tell you it wasn't always like this. Sleeping was never an issue when I was in my young twenties. I actually loved the way they looked. But then some things happened like two children, more yo yo diets than healthy, and just straight up years on this Earth and I was left with two wild animals that need to be caged up morning, noon, and night. YES, I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH A BRA EVERY NIGHT!!!! I know, you should start a GoFundMe account right now so I can get these things downsized and lifted. This is no pretty bra either, it's more like a really large training bra your mom bought you when you were 11. If I don't do this, who knows where they would wind up. Under my pillow, around my neck, shit, in a few more years they may actually be able to tie themselves in a knot. Ha Ha Ha. OK, that's a bit far-fetched Jus, but NOW you get the picture.