A Towering Figure of Femininity

Six feet tall. 195 pounds. Toned biceps and triceps. Strong legs. Big voice. Big opinions. Big laugh. All of these characteristics define who I am in physique and disposition, but none of these seemingly manly attributes negate my womanhood and femininity. The traditional and conservative idea is that femininity and weakness are synonymous. Many expect women to be small and unassuming, and that has never and will never be me. My height alone commands a room; and when I add my big voice and opinions, I tend to overwhelm some people.

Women have been trained to speak softly and carry lipstick. Those days are over. - Bella Abzug

In high school, I was asked by a boy why I couldn’t be more like my best friend. For a while, that question fucked me up in ways that I didn’t understand until I was older. My friend is a calmer and a less expressive and opinionated woman that men deem more feminine.

She isn’t as tall. Her slender arms didn’t have budding triceps the way mine did. Her laugh is not as loud and her voice is not as big. Altogether, she is the complete opposite of me. My teenage mind wondered: Is that what I have to be to be feminine and woman? That question tormented me for years. For a while, my lack of confidence in who I was led me to be quiet around men because I worried that my presence would intimidate them.

“Of course I am not worried about intimidating men. The type of man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the type of man I have no interest in.” - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The question that the boy asked me posed even greater questions about myself and who I wanted to be. His pejorative question that inflicted pain for so long eventually catapulted me into an understanding of myself as a woman; I came to accept Kelli for who she is.

Through years of dialectic discourse with men, and studying strong, unapologetic women I learned that women have a right to their opinions, and to share those opinions as loudly and as passionately as men do. Because of women like Michelle Obama, Gloria Steinhem, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Viola Davis, I was able to accept that women can be strong without sacrificing their femininity. Through those new lenses, I was able to approach myself and my body differently.

Though I do not look like a bodybuilder per se, my height coupled with my strong aesthetic still challenges the singular idea of femininity: petite, tender in appearance, build and personality. The beauty myth demands that women and femininity maintain a distinct appearance that conflicts with the presentation of visible strength. To be strong and commanding is to defy masculinity. To be strong and commanding is to be less woman.

Strength, in our world, is most equated to masculinity and the male body. Therefore, many of us struggle to accept a strong woman as feminine.

Given my physique and these societal assumptions, I needed to embark on my own journey to self-love. My strength and physical composition laid the foundation for a great story and even better experiences: My biceps helped me earn a full scholarship to compete at the collegiate level; my triceps rewarded me with a Bachelor’s degree; my quads powered me to a Master’s degree, and my shoulders brought me opportunities to travel the world. This body gave me innumerable experiences by bringing me lifelong friendships and granting me many athletic and career opportunities.

My muscles are an expression of a strong woman poised in femininity.

Now, as a woman in her mid-twenties, I still hit the gym five times each week. Not for a particular athletic goal, but for the sake of feeling strong and healthy.

To me, my muscles are a vision of strength that every woman can have. My muscles are proof that I can move the proverbial mountain. And I am proud to parade them, as I do my hair or even my smile. In my six feet splendor, I stride as a tower of femininity that challenges what it means to be a woman, and what it means to be strong.

Do not live someone else’s life and someone else’s idea of what womanhood is. Womanhood is you. Womanhood is everything that’s inside of you. - Viola Davis