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The Clippers Head East

They say the west coast is the best coast, but might there be a new beast in the east?

By Stone StrankmanPublished 7 years ago 4 min read
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Image via Sporting News

The Los Angeles Clippers have been looking for a new home in the L.A. area, but what if they moved East instead? What if Steve Balmer decided to move the team to the opposite side of the country in order to actually get past the second round of the playoffs before Chris Paul starts to sizzle down? Where would the Clippers go? Would they still even be named the Clippers?

The Clippers if they were to move, the organization would move to Maine. Augusta, Maine, the capital of the isolated, Stephen King-esque, creepy, scary, horror state will be the new home of the Clippers. However, they will no longer be called the Clippers. They will now be named the Maine Kings after Stephen King. What’s that you ask? Yes, there is already a team named the Kings out West in Sacramento. The Sacramento Kings sell their name to the Maine Kings for a coupon to Chuck E. Cheese and 43 cents, since they already gave away Boogie for less than that. The Sacramento Kings are now the Sacramento Almonds due to their sponsor patch on their jerseys for the 2017–2018 season.

Image via YouTube

The NBA following in Augusta, Maine may or may not be stellar. The Clippers have averaged 19,077 fans per home game in the Staples Center thus far this season, and in Augusta they have to build a state of the art NBA arena in order to bring the Kings to town. They decide to build a 21,037 seat arena, with incredible boxes, and better seats than the ones in Madison Square Garden. All 29 other NBA owners approve of the move and team name, so officially we have the Maine Kings, and Chris Paul is less than excited about the move.

Due to a team from the Western Conference moving to the Eastern Conference, the NBA has to vote on an East team to move to the West. 14 teams in the East vote to move the New York Knicks to the Western Conference due to the entire organization being a dumpster fire, and them not entirely deserving to play in Madison Square Garden anymore. The Western Conference teams don’t deny the move because it makes their conference so much easier. Porzingis is not thrilled about the move either, and Phil Jackson has no idea what is going on because he hasn’t been on his phone since before the trade deadline and is looking for a place to live instead of being assassinated by angry Knicks fans. Jackson decides to move to Cambodia because he doesn’t think that there are any Knicks fans out there. Turns out that Cambodia has an incredible Knicks following and as Jackson steps off the plane with all his luggage is immediately shot with a blow gun and falls off the steps and is attacked by wild Cambodians. The Knicks have now moved out West and are actually above .500 while running a different offense other than the triangle.

Image via The New Yorker

The 2016–2017 season has now ended, and the Los Angeles Clippers are now on the move to be the Maine Kings for the 2017–2018 season. LeBron has just come off of his fourth NBA Championship and second with the Cavs. The Warriors blew yet another 3–1 lead, but a change is gonna come. The new look Maine Kings are now in the Eastern Conference to challenge the mighty Cavaliers. The 2018 playoffs come around and the Cavs are the number one seed just one game ahead of the newly Eastern Kings. They end up battling in the Eastern Conference Finals. The series is tied 3–3. The Kings and Chris Paul have the ball in a tie game with 7.4 seconds left on the clock. Paul brings the ball up and as the clock is winding down, he throws an incredible alley-oop to DeAndre Jordan. Jordan tips the ball rather than slamming it through the hoop with an almighty Stephen King ghost slam, due to the buzzer quickly approaching. The ball rings around the rim as the clock expires, it rings, and rings, and rings, a total of 11 times before it shows any signs of slowing down and falling in or out of the hoop. The buzzer has ended for over 13 seconds now. Both teams curious as to if the game will end or actually last for eternity as the ball is still ringing around the rim. DeAndre Jordan actually gets so bored that he decides to sit down criss cross apple sauce under the rim. 31 minutes have gone by and the ball falls through the hoop. The Kings are going to the NBA Finals to compete against Russell Westbrook and four Russell Westbrook clones of the Oklahoma City Thunder.

There’s a new Beast in the East, and they are the Maine Kings, not the Los Angeles Clippers.

basketball
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About the Creator

Stone Strankman

I'm in a committed relationship with the NBA. Staff Writer, The Unbalanced.

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