Spinning on My Axsis

Somedays I wake up and I relive all the past traumas of my life. There is no explanation that I would use besides me wanting answers and my faith crippling me into believing that as the some of the people responsible are still live and breathe would deliver an explanation. I have good reason to believe this because it aligns with the current narrative that there is shadow work being down, people are healing, etc.... Knock it off......Cutting people off is equivalent to the act of pruning. Not to be confused with a trim. Im aware that the same light of day is shined a different way depending on where we are on our axis. It's hard to know who's trying to block your light or the things you as a person have overgrown that are now restricting to you, and may even burned and scorched.

Somedays I wake up and I relive all the past traumas of my life. There is no explanation that I would use besides me wanting answers and my faith crippling me into believing that as the some of the people responsible are still live and breathe would deliver an explanation. I have good reason to believe this because it aligns with the current narrative that there is shadow work being down, people are healing, etc.... Knock it off......Those days are sadly fulfilling and tax my leveled emotions. I essentially don't know where I am, or at least am not mentally where my physical body presents itself. I'm not "present" as it is said. Im in a memory. This can go on for hours, the day or last for just a moment in a moment. I'm thankful for my memory, but in truth I have some fully developed gripes with the hippocampus.

Somedays I hardly ever remember the things in the past that made me cry out of sadness or angry due to lack of information. There are times when my happiness and joy goes beyond what can be called worthy of my exuberant canals of expression. I can be happy. I am happy for something even when i'm weighed down. When my mind is calm and I can come to a conclusion as most humans I feel better. More importantly to me is, that as much as I desire for love and companionship, even community I have my best moments alone with myself in my head alone. I'm aware this falls under several "mental health" categories, but if we aren't going to simply tell the world that we are willingly melting our brains by way of over exposure to radiation for the last umpteen years then I think we can take a seat with the "neuro-name callling."

To me, all this sounds capricious and as of the time I am typing this, I am not seeking help outside of the tools that have been provided to me, but I am tired of pretending to be a zombie to be around people i've been around who are bonafide zombies. To be said differently, thats the end of the show....take off the mask. I thought we all knew this was a show, but from where i'm standing what's in current rotation on this rock is very real for alot of people. Enough of the robotics, and the very toxic languages used to create scripts that are recited as an explanation for the " lack of memory" or memorable pour choices made that led to a visible example of what not to do and how to KEEP doing it (while living life like its golden when really is piss yellow) . I will not accredit "I did the best I could do at the time" when i was present at the time and bore witness to all the evidence. NO THANK YOU. Accepting avoidance as a valid answer is a down play on my personal intellect and the progressive mind. Dear people, lets try this. Admitting when you have been revealed. Accepting that the intersection of past and present have the same center so they do connect naturally, and that it is an un-natural disconnection to have the truth of your past become present in your future without acknowledgment of its inherent destruction. These are some of my thoughts in rotation, the way storm clouds roll in across the sky.

On a higher note. Once i'm left with a settled mind and the mass of memories are happy and positive; i'm my strongest, i'm my most creative, I give the best and do the best I ever could. Please pay attention, because it is only when I am in that space do I thrive to my fullest potential and beyond my fathomability. The proper food, sunlight, soil, pot, plot, and so much more go into growing any living things for the betterment of all and the well being of humanity. I see it. You see it. It's there to be seen. But not many, if any are looking. It's really self reflective.

Day in and day out, I am presented with ways to channel my energy or some task that can be used as a form of therapy. I have been writing my feelings ever since I was a child. I have been singing and writing music since the 4th or 5th grade. I have the inherited gift of art through drawing. I have been attracted to water and cry when my chemicals are activated, mixed or energetically combust. Sometimes we are told to use what we have. I strongly believe that I do. However now, we cross the road of exploitation to cover up the more accurate issue. I do all these wonderful things to get me back on a track or even to distract me from a present issue, raising another issue. I present this thought. Since what we have verses what we've been given isn't good for anyone as a whole, what sense does it make for me to then take that useless, unhealthy plain no good thing and pretend that it is good? Now make sure that when thinking on this question we openly recognize that it is apart of western civilization, and at this point "endoctra-natural" for most people alive to cover things up, hide, change the appearance of something so that it looks better according to once feelings. Now apply that thought when speaking to someone who is actively in an illusion. Let me rephrase, do your best attempt at living in truth as truthfully as your mind has the power to allow, and then an alarming number of people in your everyday life are living their lie as a truth.

Im spinning but thats apart of it. Constant motion, continuous change. I understand that there are a few words that comes to mind while reading this but please know I am not interested in dissecting this any further. An over flow saturation with now bound is a flood. A flood that leaks and runs down all across mushy minds, black mold mouths and contaminated hearts. The hydrophobic sponge of absorption is sticky with sap from a poisonous tree that has roots that run the past the deepest depths of the earth. That's how I view things at this time. I find joy and peace because I am looking for it. The pure knowledge of happinesses existence is a fuel for me and I will keep spinning.