HOW TO "BURN" (RUIN) A "PERFECT" BRACKET...

Ladies and Gentlemen Sports Fans,

It is "MARCH MADNESS!"

...If you know that this refers to the College Basketball Tournament, then you're already halfway to filling out a bracket with friends/family/coworkers/for yourself.

You've maybe even done your research on the 64 entrants into the "big dance."

If you realize that the rounds of "March Madness" go from a round of 64 teams, to 32, to the "Sweet Sixteen," to the "Elite Eight," "Final Four," and, finally, the Championship game...you've been here before, haven't you?

You're probably here for life advice on filling out the "perfect" bracket to rake in the big bucks and large notoriety too, aren't you?

Well, first of all, since play started yesterday, I'm pretty sure that the brackets were supposed to already be filled out; secondly, I'm already in the bottom 73% of my bracket with only 7 wins and 13 upsets since one or two of my teams that I had going into the third round were knocked out in the first; while I only correctly guessed maybe two matchups for the second round...

Worry not; I'm here with life advice on how not to fill out your bracket.

PICK ONLY YOUR ALMA MATER/VERY FAVORITE TEAM TO WIN THE WHOLE DANCE.

There are such things as "Bracket Breakers" when a 12th ceded team knocks a 5th cede in Round One; or a 14th Cede knocks out a 3rd in the first round. Then, when they advance on the cedings change, the odds of continued victory become more uncertain.

However, if you pick a 16th or 12th Cede to be CHAMPION of the whole tournament based solely on them being your alma mater or favorite team of all, you may be in for a rather large upset come no later than the Sweet Sixteen.

Example: "My precious U of M, an eleventh cede, DID finally take over the second half of the game yesterday and flip the script on 6th ceded Colorado St. U of M is off to the Second Round on Saturday to meet 3rd Ceded Tennessee. When U of M (11) meets Tennessee (3) in the round of 32 teams, ...well, nice knowing you, Wolverines, and better luck next season..."

It's not kosher to bet against your own team like that; if this Bracket must CONTINUE self destructing, I wouldn't mind being proven wrong by my own team...

Which brings me to...

PICK ONLY THE TOP RANKED TEAMS TO EVER ADVANCE...

If a team is Ceded beneath 10, they couldn't possibly advance beyond the first round, right...?

Nice story; tell that to Iowa (5 Cede; eliminated by Richmond [12]) or Kentucky (2nd Cede; knocked out by St. Peter's [15]) in ROUND ONE. Or the 2014 (maybe it was '15) "THE" consistently over-rated Ohio State University getting knocked out by "THE" University of Ohio in "THE" first round. ("THE" HA-HA).

Richmond. St. Peter's. The historic performance from the University of Ohio. These, my friends, are called "Bracket Breakers;" first round "upsets;" who may or may not CONTINUE advancing from there...

If you pick only the higher-ranked teams to ever advance in every single round, you're asking to be upset more often than not...

LISTEN TO ONLY THE ANALYSTS...

How many analysts are there?

How many do you think are filling out, and sharing, their own brackets for NCAA's March Madness?

What are the odds that all of these analysts are looking to one and going "you know what; that looks PERFECT!" just before photocopying EVERY. SINGLE. PICK?

The analysts have, obviously, done their homework. You CAN look to them for advice to START filling out a bracket (especially with teams you haven't heard of before). Somewhere, you need to think for yourself and make your own picks; and best of luck in picking the correct "bracket breakers."

ONLY EVER FOLLOW YOUR OWN CONFERENCE (OR BETTER YET, YOUR OWN TEAM) UNTIL THE TOURNAMENT...

U of M. MSU. Wisconsin. Maryland. Iowa. Indiana...

...At some point (preferably BEFORE I fill out my bracket), I might want to follow up on the big boys such as Duke, Gonzaga, or North Carolina; or, better yet, on little-known teams like Marquette, Akron, St. Mary's, or Richmond...

GOOGLE WHAT THEIR CHEERLEADERS/DANCE TEAMS LOOK LIKE...

Okay, so I may have practiced that tried and true method in the past to pick the teams who I wanted to win but...

A) I'm no longer in college.

B). I'm kind-of-sort-of pushing near 40.

C). If you MUST talk about a team's sideline supporters, I really hope that you caught that Indiana/St. Mary's game last night where it took two of their cheerleaders to retrieve a ball that was hung up behind the basket; because THAT was not only hilarious, it was probably the highlight of Indiana's performance last night...

Feel free to follow the simple steps only as listed in the headings; and you'll be weeping into a devastated bracket, and all of the lost notoriety therein, in no time.

Good luck, Bracketeers; and congratulations, schools and athletes...