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Houston, You Have a Problem...and No One Feels Sorry for You

A look at the Houston Astros' poor start to the 2024 MLB season

By Clyde E. DawkinsPublished about a month ago 3 min read
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As the old saying goes, "Whenever the Houston Astros suck, an angel gets their wings."

We all had so much fun watching the Astros get swept in their season opening series against the New York Yankees, didn't we? I know I was enjoying it. I have immense schadenfreude when it comes to the team who has basically been baseball's equivalent of the Brady/Belichick Patriots. However, with that celebration came a reality: it's only the first four games. The Astros had 158 of these things left. It would be a matter of time before we'd be hideously annoyed by them again. They did pitch a no-hitter right after the Yankees punched them in the mouth, so that appeared to be the start of the whole "Oh no, not again" Astros returning.

And yet, after 20 games, the Astros are 6-14!

Yes, you read that right, baseball fans! The Astros are 6-14 after 20 games played. That's a .300 win percentage! Only the Chicago White Sox have a worse record in the American League. The Astros are off to an awful start; the worst start since this group got together. And you know how many people are feeling sorry for them? The same as the number of games Houston's won over the Yankees this season: a big, fat ZERO!!!

As it should be.

The Astros brought this bad start and the schadenfreude that came with it on themselves. And yes, their fans deserve this, too. The 'Stros cheated to win in 2017, and cheated again in 2019. Even worse, when this was exposed in 2020, Astros fans became more brazen and arrogant, and it decreased when commissioner Rob Manfred did absolutely nothing. No punishment whatsoever. That 2017 championship should have been vacated. Instead of doing that, Manfred actually threatened to punish any opposing pitchers who hit Astros batters, regardless of intent--or lack thereof. Basically, the Astros were that spoiled rich brat who got arrested for something, and Manfred's their father--paying to cover it up and protect the criminal.

Speaking of rule-breakers, let's talk about Jose Altuve. One of only two players left from that cheating 2017 team (the other being Alex Bregman), Altuve is leading the team in nearly every offensive category: batting average, runs, hits, home runs, on base percentage, and total bases. Regarding RBIs, Kyle Tucker leads in that category with 15, while Altuve--despite hitting five home runs, only has seven RBIs. Altuve shares that home run lead with Tucker and Yordan Alvarez, though Alvarez has 13 RBIs.

The pitching for Houston has been a disaster. Justin Verlander's been out this whole season, so far, while Ronel Blanco and Cristian Javier have four of the team's six wins. And as for Josh Hader, their newly acquired closer? Well, he's been a bust. So far, Hader only has one save, and he's surrendered eight earned runs in 8 2/3 innings pitched this season, resulting in an ERA of 8.31. Ooooh boy.

You know, for years, I always thought the first month didn't really matter, because baseball is a long season. After all, even though there are 30 days in April, no team plays every day. So even a mediocre or worse start to April shouldn't kill a season, right? Wrong! I did some homework, and as I found out, a win percentage of .400 or worse in April pretty much means your season's over. It's the baseball equivalent of starting 0-3 in the NFL.

So yeah, Houston is screwed! The Astros are on pace to lose 114 games this season. I knew I was going to enjoy this season! The Yankees are off to an amazing start, while the Astros are a sinking ship. I have to thank the Texas Rangers. After all, they did break the Astros in last year's ALCS.

As for the Astros and their fans, well, click here for my short, but sweet words to them.

baseball
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About the Creator

Clyde E. Dawkins

I am an avid fan of sports and wrestling, and I've been a fan of female villains since the age of eight. Also into film and TV, especially Simpsons and Family Guy.

Feel free to follow my social media:

Twitter - Facebook - Tiktok - Instagram

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Comments (2)

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  • Mark Wesley Pritchard6 days ago

    As a Rangers fan, thanks for writing this. I despise the Astros a lot and have zero respect for them. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who had a huge dislike of the Astros. Keep up the good work.

  • Philip Gipsonabout a month ago

    This gets an A+ for authenticity and awesomeness.

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