Hey! Check on Your Sports Fans Friends! We are NOT OK!

Small caveat before we begin...

Yes, of course, the world is undergoing a crisis due to the restrictions put in place as a result of the COVID-19 epidemic. So, no, in the grand scheme of things, not being able to watch any sports really isn't that big of a deal.

Unless...

Unless you're a die hard sports fan like myself. A kid (well, 36) from a small town (Cleveland, Ohio) who grew up watching his hometown teams dominate (survive) season after exhilarating (agonizing) season. The type of sports fan whose life functionally revolves around the schedule of ESPN. The type of sports fan who will listen to sports podcasts of the exact same sports shows that I watched just a few hours ago, just to make sure I didn't miss an interesting perspective or mind-blowing statistic.

You know who we are. I'm talking about the sports fans who would much rather watch their shitty football team play in games they have no business being in over doing anything - and boy do I mean anything - else.

If you're that kind of sports fan, well, then this fucking sucks.

Most areas around the country are living under a 'stay at home' or 'shelter in place' order. While I am already a homebody by nature this honestly doesn't bother me too much. Though not being able to do regular things like day drink at the local bar or hit the gym (on separate days, of course) is still a bit of a culture shock.

What I really miss though, and I'm sure that I'm not the only one who feels like this, is simply watching live sports.

It's April. The NBA's regular season should be winding down. Major League Baseball is supposed to be well under way. The NFL should be gearing up for their annual draft.

Oh wait, the NFL is gearing up for their draft. Also our president claims that the next NFL season will go on without delay, and we all know how right he is about everything, so at least we can look forward to that.

All I'm saying is, hey, check on your sports fans friends and family who are aimlessly poking around the guide channel surfing for something worth watching. I for one refuse to watch another hand of World Poker Tour, and I'm damn sure not about to start watching grown men play video games.

Although, sure, I am a grown man who plays video games. I'm also raising children who have already inquired about one day going to college to learn how to be better at playing video games in front of people in hopes of going pro...

I still ain't watching it on ESPN.

So, do me a favor, think of some cool things we can occupy our time with during this unusual and horrific era. Sure, we know we aren't the only ones going through it, but you've already read about everyone else.

And before you hit us with useless, uninspired suggestions, let me try and save you some time...

We've played all the board games that we like.

We've grilled all the animals.

Yard work doesn't count. That's a normal springtime chore anyway, and, well, I just don't want to do it.

WE'VE GRILLED ALL THE ANIMALS.

There's not enough people in the house to get a competent game of Spades going, and whenever the youngest one loses game night is over anyway.

Is there a such thing as a mobile bar? I was just thinking that if... wait, no, that's a horrible idea.

There is one piece of silver lining. Believe it or not there is one mouth watering glimmer of sports hope on the near horizon.

ESPN is releasing their miniseries about Michael Jordan's last run at an NBA championship, titled 'The Last Dance' a couple of months early. We can all catch the first of ten episodes airing on the gargantuan (and dying for a story) sports network on Sunday April 19. That should hopefully quell some of the thirst that me and my lonely, abandoned sports fan brethren currently find ourselves experiencing.

For now at least.

The ultimate issue however is that this simply won't fix everything. We need live, competitive action. We need machismo and bravado and fourth quarter comebacks and buzzer beaters. We need no-nos and triple-doubles. Broken ankles. Power plays. Audibles. Full court presses. Aces and holes in one.

We need all that.

But until the corona-virus is tamed significantly, well, we'll just have to keep waiting.

At least I won't have to watch any shitty football until then.