A Day-Night Doubleheader of "What Went Wrong"

There's only one thing better than seeing one toxic team being eliminated, and that's seeing two such teams ousted... on the same day!

I was going to do this one by one, but when I saw the score of a certain game go the way I wanted, I could not resist the chance to write about both eliminations into one story. It's too delicious. Two teams who I, as a Yankees fan, despise, and they are the first two teams out? There aren't enough chef's kisses in the world to express this. So without further ado, let's get this doubleheader going!

Mediocrity Bites (Astros)

Someone had to win the American League West this year, and it just had to be the Astros. 81 wins, 81 losses. The sound you hear is from Pittsburgh; Pirates fans lobbying to join the AL West following their 82-80 season. The entire division slipped on banana peels, but Houston just happened to slip on one fewer than their in-state rivals, the Texas Rangers. Here's the ironic thing: even if the Rangers had won the West with a losing record, chances are they would have beaten the White Sox. The Rangers are a complete team. The Astros? Not even close.

Let's get one thing straight. These are not the Houston Astros. They are the Houston Yordans. When you have a player who nearly won the Triple Crown in the American League, yet all our can muster is a .500 record, that's a problem. Yordan Alvarez only had one hit in the series against the White Sox, but I'm not faulting him for this. The entire team sucked. They went from banging on trash cans to being trash themselves, and that does include the Little Cheater Who Could, Jose Altuve.

Dating back to 2023, the Astros have now lost nine straight postseason games at home. Don't expect Houston back in the postseason in 2027. The AL West won't collapse upon itself again. The Rangers and Mariners will improve. The Astros won't. Enjoy the doldrums, Houston.

I Repeat, We Still Own You, Boston (Red Sox)

Death, taxes, and the Boston Red Sox bowing down to the New York Yankees. The certainties in life.

I'll be honest, though, I had this series going the full three because, well, it's Yankees/Red Sox. The rivalry was always known for, in the immortal words of The Eagles, "taking it to the limit." Last year's set went the full three games. This year? Not even close. Cam Schlittler and Ben Rice dominated Game One, and Game Two was a true team effort. The Red Sox just didn't have it. They were outscored 18-2 in that series. This was definitely not the 2025 series.

So yeah, once again, the Red Sox were owned by the Yankees, because that's how it goes. But here's the thing. I said the Astros won't be back. The Red Sox will. This team does have staying power. They look pretty good, they look like a strong team who is good enough to have a bit of a postseason streak. I joke about the Red Sox, but in all seriousness, Boston will definitely get used to postseason baseball for the next few years. They're like cockroaches. They just won't go away. And honestly, even as a Yankees fan, I say that respectfully.

And here's the updated bracket. The American League half of the Division Series is filled up. The White Sox's first postseason series victory since the 2005 World Series (also against Houston) will see them face the Cleveland Guaridians in the ALDS. This will be the first-ever postseason meeting between these teams, unless you count the climax of Major League II. As for the Yankees, we'll be facing off against the Tampa Bay Rays in the other ALDS series, with this being the second postseason meeting between the division foes. As for the Astros and Red Sox, they're done. It's back to the drawing board for them, and this Yankees fan will continue to celebrate their demise!