Ways Donald Trump Is Making Himself Richer as the President

Donald Trump is a bigot who's been accused of sexual misconduct by 19 women. It's important to keep that information in the public's consciousness to balance out all the privilege afforded to him by America's classist, racist, sexist society. How much privilege? Enough that there are many ways Donald Trump is making himself richer in the White House through a mix of conflicts of interest and nepotism with seemingly no oversight to stop him. He might as well be printing money in the treasury and putting it straight into his pockets, right where he keeps his Big Macs and his tattered copy of The Turner Diaries. JK. Trump doesn't read anything that isn't full of his own name. So maybe he's reading this list of some of the ways he's getting richer in DC!

Trump Hotels

Trump's hotels are the most flagrant example of how Donald Trump is making himself richer. Of course representatives of foreign governments go out of their way to stay at a Trump property in order to curry favor with the Trump Administration. Why would they not?! They're already coming to do business with the Trump Administration and their expenses are paid by their home country's government, so just stay at the hotel owned by the president so you have something to talk with Trump about other than whether or not the pee tape is real. "Don't mention the pee tape. Don't mention the pee tape. Oh, hi, I stayed at your hotel!" Smooth move, Estonia.

Private Prisons

The prison industrial complex is modern day slavery facilitated by systemic racism, greed, and by what Marin Luther King Jr. decried as, "the white moderate who is more devoted to 'order' than to justice." Private prison contractors were worried at the end of the Obama administration because Attorney General Eric Holder was going to begin phasing them out, but then they donated nearly $500,000 to Trump's campaign.

Being in league with private prisons is just one of the ways Donald Trump is making himself richer. And once Homeopathic Hitler was in the White House, private prison contractors were able to rest easy. They had their kumquat on the inside! Trump has no morals, so he doesn't care where his money comes from. He would even give an Infinity Stone to Thanos if it meant making a buck.

Licensing Deals

As a private citizen, Donald Trump accused China of inventing the idea of climate change in order to undermine US manufacturing. But as president one of the ways Donald Trump is making himself richer is by getting approval for trademarks in China that will allow him to expand his business ventures. What changed? Money money money money money money money.

Resorts and Golf Courses

One of the ways Donald Trump is making himself richer is by spending so much time at his club at Mar-a-Lago, Florida, and his golf course in Bedminster, New Jersey. Tax dollars are being spent at his properties! He's there so often that if a group of terrorists wanted to take Trump hostage like in Air Force One that's where they should go. And he'd probably figure out a way to make his own kidnapping into a promotional event.

"I said I don't want to be taken hostage by small time crooks. Only big league. And these guys were big league. They came to Mar-a-Lago dressed like waitstaff but I noticed because I have great eyes. The best! I can see a mile away. I said, 'Melania, these waiters are bad dudes,' and then they started shooting. The Secret Service took them down. It was phenomenal. I'm giving medals to all of the S.S. And, next time, there won't even be any shooting because we're arming all the chefs with guns."

State of the Union Name Drop

You could have had your name displayed on the livestream of Trump's 2018 State of the Union address in exchange for a donation. That's one of the dumbest ways Donald Trump is making himself richer as president. If Trump is that desperate for cash, then he should take donations to lay the bricks for the prison cell that's hopefully going to house him once Robert Mueller finishes his investigation. For $100,000 your name can appear on one of the bars that Don Jr. is going to be staring at for the rest of his life; and for $500,000 you can have your name on the toilette seat that's going to be right under Jared's ass until 2081.

Money Laundering

They say that the cover up of the crime is often times worse than the crime. In Trump's case, the cover up is the cover up of the cover up. Allegedly, Trump is trying to obstruct justice to hide colluding with the Russians for the purpose of making sure Trump's decade long money laundering operation goes untouched. That's right, one of the ways Donald Trump is making himself richer is by making properties like Trump Tower available to the intermediaries of Russian oligarchs, and by doing his darnedest to keep investigators off his scent. Of course, investigators already know Trump's scent by now: it's Big Macs, hairspray, and desperation.

Make America Great Again Hats

For a while it looked like Orange Julius's entire presidential bid was another one of the ways Donald Trump was making himself richer. He was running a thread bare campaign surviving predominantly on free-press coverage of the bigoted things he was saying. And like the huckster he is, Trump kept having press conferences at his properties, was name dropping his products, and was selling those "Make America Great Again" hats at $25 a pop with a $8 profit.

Trump's MAGA hats became ubiquitous and were a great way for bigots to identify themselves so that we knew never to associate with them again. These days, if Trump is trying to sell a hat, it's a plain one that just says "USA". The hats are great because if someone wakes up from a coma and sees Trump on TV wearing one they know to just go back to sleep.

Keystone Pipeline

With the stroke of his pen, Trump issued an executive order and 1 year later Keystone has a pipeline leak. Coincidence? I think "Trump"! The pipeline dumped 210, 000 gallons of oil in South Dakota because of course it did. Trump doesn't care because he's the Captain Planet villain Hoggish Greedly come to life. He may have even been happy to issue the executive order allowing the completion of the project because one of his stock holdings, Phillips 66, has a 25% stake in the pipeline. The project was just another one of the ways Trump is making himself richer as president. He was also probably very happy to undo something that Obama rejected. Thanks Obummer!

Dark Money from the NRA

Thanks to Citizens United, an organization may dub itself a "social welfare" program and take unlimited anonymous donations that it can then use to support political candidates. The NRA is one such group; it spent 100 million dollars in the 2016 election. That's a lot!

The FBI is actually investigating whether or not the NRA took money from Russian entities to help put Trump in office. Whatever the truth may be, one of the ways Donald Trump is making himself richer is by doing nothing to curb gun violence so that the NRA can keep emotionally manipulating people into giving them money that in turn is used to help Trump. It's like a snake eating its own tail, except that tail is a gun and the NRA will fight hard to make sure that snake's gun rights are respected than your right to life. Yeah, the "Don't Tread on Me Snake" has a gun!

Ivanka

Nordstrom's, Neiman Marcus, Marshall's, and many more dropped Ivanka Trump's clothing line, which seems appropriate given that she's complicit in her father's bigoted, oppressive, and regressive administration. That hasn't stopped Trump or his advisors from promoting Ivanka's brand on social media or during TV appearances, making her association with her father just another way Donald Trump is making himself richer.

The most ridiculous things Ivanka Trump has ever said are enough to make anyone see that she's also not qualified to be a special assistant to to the president, but that hasn't stopped Daddy Trump from giving her that title. Meanwhile, for whatever reason, people keep expecting Ivanka to provide some sort of moral order to the Trump administration. That's not happening! Our only hope is that one day a brave Big Mac declares, "No more!" and just takes Trump down. Or democracy, we can have faith in democracy.

Kushner

Making his son-in-law Jared Kushner an advisor is just one of the ways Donald Trump is making himself richer. The Kushmeister has been traveling the world, seemingly with the hopes that banks or foreign governments will give him loans. And Count VonKush needs that money real bad! Buying up 666 5th Ave was a terrible investment. Kid Kush's behavior is suspicious enough that Bess Levin, in Vanity Fair, asked, "Did Jared Kushner punish Qatar because it wouldn't lend his family money?" Wow. I wonder what Kushner's actual nickname in prison would be. Oh, don't feel bad for Pretty Boy Kush! Maybe his crimes will inspire stricter laws against corruption and we'll all be better off.