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The Pet Goat*

The Story of a Man

By Kendall Defoe Published 4 months ago 7 min read
The Pet Goat*
Photo by Jacob Morch on Unsplash

Once upon a time…

There was a goat.

Not the best start to a story that is going to try to appeal to adults and anyone young enough to expect a lot from it, but please let me continue.

Now, this goat was not like other goats. I have to assume that anyone who reads this knows something about goats. This goat did not eat tin cans; it had never been used in a ceremony related to witchcraft or demonology; no one had ever driven it out of town to atone for sins (maybe they should have, but that may come about later)…

No, this goat was living well on its own with plenty to eat and drink. It had many goat friends and family, knew all the best places to hang out if you were a goat, kept its coat clean and beard well-kept, and led a pretty simple life.

I know, I know…I said that I would try to keep the reader interested.

Well, here goes…

The thing about this goat was that its family had a lot of deep connections in the goat world. In such a world, it helped if a goat could be called on to do a favor if another goat found themselves in some sort of trouble. What kind of trouble could a goat find itself in, I will come to later.

It goes without saying that our goat did not know much about any of these connections. As a kid – get it? – he had been given access to anything he could want.

You may wonder what a goat would need, besides food and water. Well, there was always a roof over its head (no need to demand that), and the family was always around if he had any questions or concerns about his goat life (he rarely asked about this).

What would set him apart from the other goats was a demand he would be forced to make in his teenage years. And it became the thing that would define and shape him for the rest of his life.

He needed to ask for a favor. Would it be possible for him to get into a good college once he finished high school?

His parents never thought that their goat would make such a demand.

His grades were not remarkable, but they were good enough for local schools and colleges. Most of the goats in the family thought that he would simply find a job in one of the many companies their family had connections to (the old ties were still there). But their goat was very insistent. He needed to go on and do something in higher education.

Very strange for a goat.

And how did he do with his education?

Well, he was not a very bright goat, but he knew how to get by in school without attracting too much attention. He joined the right clubs and groups, making sure to use all of the connections his parents had so that he did have a way to break the ice when he approached their leaders.

His social life was set, and he developed more and more connections to help him out later in life when things seemed difficult. He knew, as a goat, that he would have other favors to ask one day.

School went by, and the goat made it through with all of his connections. Again, keeping his head down and not attracting too much attention was what the goat found best for getting through his academic life.

But now, it was all over.

He graduated from one of the best schools that such a goat could attend. His proud parents smiled hard as he received his diploma. The goat stood on the dais with the other goats and threw his mortarboard into the air with them when the dean coughed out the end of his speech.

He was so happy. If he could have looked out at the crowd and seen his parents above them, he would have noticed how they looked at each other.

They tried to smile again.

What would he do next?

Well, he would try to make his family very happy.

The goat was soon running operations for a local business that his family knew needed him as a figure head. Then, when this worked out for him, he was approached by others in the goat community who wanted a strong leader. So, he ran for office.

In local elections, he did well.

With the larger community, he also did well.

The big challenge was going to be on the national stage.

Now, even the goat did not think he would make it all the way to the top. There were too many things about his opponent that the voters loved and did not want to forget, despite some recent scandals around his party. But the goat persisted and did rather well.

But there was another problem.

The vote was not clear.

For many a day, no one could decide who won the election. After a long scramble and search for a clear winner, it came down to the territory of a relative of the goat running for office. And it was decided that there were enough votes to declare the pet the winner. Some disputed this choice – there are still arguments even today – but he took office.

The economy was good. The relationships with other non-goat countries seemed to be stable. The voters were happy with their goat.

And then a terrible thing happened.

The goat was under attack.

This was not a personal attack. No, not at all. The goat was not the one who suffered that day.

It was the goat’s country that was attacked.

On a late summer day, the goat was in a classroom with a group of children. They were reading a story that was actually quite sweet. And then the bad thing happened.

An assistant whispered all of the bad news into his ear and he sat there for a moment. And he kept sitting there. And he did not say a thing.


We have to end our story here. The pet goat was now forced to make difficult decisions that would expose his true nature and bring more harm to the people he was sworn to protect. Many people felt that the pet goat was the worst leader that they ever had. There were protests, demonstrations, insults and even another election. The pet goat did win that one as well. That moment many voters wonder if there was something wrong with the system and that it needed to be fixed, but nothing was done. And the strange thing is…the goat was never punished. He was never made to show remorse, face his errors, or even think about his moment as a leader. We end our story here because it was hard for the goat to think about where his life was about to go. We have to let the goat face the next step.

By Ben Noble on Unsplash

* Note: “The Pet Goat” was the name of the children’s reading exercise that was being read in front of and by George W. Bush when he was told that the World Trade Center had been attacked. He remained in the classroom and did not do anything except sit there and listen to the story. So…

One of these things is not like the other...


Thank you for reading!

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You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

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About the Creator

Kendall Defoe

Teacher, reader, writer, dreamer... I am a college instructor who cannot stop letting his thoughts end up on the page. Very grateful to have found this other opportunity to expose things to the light.


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Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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  1. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  2. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

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Comments (4)

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  • Randy Wayne Jellison-Knock4 months ago

    From the "Shrub" (Molly Ivens' nickname for him) to the Drumpf (the Don's last name before the D & f were dropped & replaced with a T). Will the GOP ever find its footing again?

  • Naomi Gold4 months ago

    I knew exactly who and what you were talking about the whole time. It still fills me with rage. You could tell just from hearing him talk, and looking at his face, that “the lights are on, but nobody’s home.” A very unintelligent man. First election I was old enough to vote in was Bush v Gore. I voted for Gore. I only met one person in my entire life who admitted they voted for Bush… yet, he supposedly won twice. I don’t believe it. I think the elections are rigged, and I haven’t voted since 2008. Rant over, haha. This was so clever. I especially chuckled at “it had never been used in a ceremony related to witchcraft or demonology.”

  • Roy Stevens4 months ago

    Dubya for Greatest Of All Time? It's hard to picture him as a GOAT but if you say so..., at least he had a big Dick to lean on!

  • Lol, I love that you made him an actual goat and wrote a story about it! This was so creative!

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