The Swamp logo

Thank You, Donald

America's Orange Alarm Clock deserves some credit.

By Triple Decker SandwichPublished 7 years ago 3 min read
Like
Photo by Reuters/Dominic Reuters, courtesy Business Insider

Dear Donald,

I met you first when I saw your name on this big ugly slab of a building driving down the West Side Highway as a youth, and I hated you. Today, I disagree with nearly every value you've put forth and I openly present these opinions to most everyone I know. You made my Grandmother cry when you won the election. She's a really cool lady. You should read some of her work, she follows you—and you're much harder to keep up with.

I'll admit when you shocked her, that hurt me and that made me angry. No one fucks with my Grandma, B. No one.

And then I moved to Seattle. My, oh my, what energy you have brought to that city. I remember how charged I was when I marched from my Grandparent's apartment on 10th and Broadway all the way to your shitty tower, and I remember losing my friends in a sea of people who felt just like me. I remember the elation prevailing in the face of devastation.

In Seattle, that elation has faded, but the March hasn't stopped.

And then I became a part of that march. I made friends with people in groups like DSA, Socialist Alternative, some union folks. And, honestly, thank you so much for that. If you hadn't tried to ban Muslims from this country—I never would have locked arms with my comrades and rallied for peace.

Thank you for the sugar tax, Seattle's new income tax, the block the bunker campaign!

Sugar tax, block the bunker? Yeah, I know you've never heard of either of those and you don't particularly care. But we don't need you for that, we need the people you've disappointed. You promised to drain the swamp and in a sense you have, but you found a way to make it worse.

So we did it ourselves. Hillary Clinton's campaign isn't going to be knocking on your door in 2020, it'll be us. The Republican party won't be going viral, it'll be us. Your voters might be relatively apathetic, but we sure as hell won't be.

And it lives in Seattle, it lives in San Francisco, it lives in New York. These bastions of economy are bastions of progress now, too. Kshama Sawant bringing socialism to the masses with her seat in Seattle City Council, Nikkita Oliver's campaign for Mayor, Ginger Jentzen's campaign in Minneapolis. Your shitty predecessors had shaken us, but you are the alarm clock from hell, sir.

And thank you for that, you're what the radicals couldn't find beforehand. You slam in our face that as Americans, you could give a shit less about our lives (both in terms of quality and literally, our ability to stay alive vis a vis healthcare). You're making Seattle Socialist, Seattle is pushing San Fran, Berkeley, and Minneapolis further left and New York will always vote progressive. And it's all thanks to your big orange Socialist marketing campaign.

And we know, if there's one thing socialists don't invest in, it's major media advertisements.

We do have bagels sometimes though, so if you come to an event, you might get a bagel.

So this is shorthand, Babycakes. This is me saying, hey—we may not agree on anything, but as far as I'm concerned, outside of my comrades, you're the best thing for my politics since sperm met egg. Thank you for homelessness, thank you for the travel ban, thank you for lying to the coal miners.

It always gets darkest before dawn, and Donald, you may have found a way to end more suffering than you ever thought possible.

Much appreciated, bruh.

trumpopinion
Like

About the Creator

Triple Decker Sandwich

I was in the bleachers now you know I'm shot calling

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.