TACO Calling PACO - 14

This conversation happened on May 8, 2026 after the US brokered a 3-day ceasefire, and Zelenskyy issued a decree not to bomb the Red Square in Moscow on the Victory Day Parade (May 9).

"Hello, Vlad?"

"Yes, Donnie, who else can it be?" [grumpy]

"Seems you are unhappy about something..."

"Is there something I should be happy about, Donnie?"

"Of course, you will have your big Victory Day parade tomorrow. Aren't you excited? I'd be excited if I were you. So excited! I wish I could be there!"

"I wish you could be here too, Donnie. That way Ze would definitely not rain his drones on my parade."

"But haven't you heard? He promised me to not to bomb your parade. I just spoke to him today and he promised me to let you have it. He didn't need much convincing. Can you imagine, he said Victory Day is important for Ukrainians too. Did you know that about 8 million Ukrainians, both combat troops and civilians, died in World War Two? 8 Million, can you imagine, Vlad?"

"Who told you so?"

"Zelenskyy."

"I'm surprised he didn't say 11 million."

"Really? Why?"

"Because it is really hard to parse out Ukrainians from the total Soviet losses of 22-27 million losses. Ukrainian losses are estimated to be anywhere between 7-11 million."

"Oh, wow, that's a lot of people! He also said a lot of Russians died too. Did you know that, Vlad?"

"Of course I did. What else did Zelenskyy tell you?" [fuming]

"That because he respects losses on both sides and wants to honor the memory of those lost lives, he will not bomb your parade tomorrow. At least that's what he promised me, not to bomb your parade."

"Did you see his presidential decree about it, Donnie?"

"No, why?"

"Because he crossed all my red lines - of decency, of respect, of consideration for my people! Apparently, he "permits" me to have my parade! "Permits"! The audacity and chutzpah on him are unbelievable!"

"Well, the most important thing is that you will be able to have your parade."

"He makes me look weak! And I still don't trust that he won't bomb my parade, Donnie."

"That's exactly what he said you'd say, Vlad. If you are thinking about sabotaging, false-flagging, or attacking your own parade to blame Zelenskyy for terrorism, please don't. Just don't. He said his troops will never disobey his order and if anything happens at your parade it will be your own doing. Can you imagine, Vlad, he really did say all that."

"Whose side are you on, Donnie? Sounds like you almost admire him."

"Well, you have to give him his due, Vlad. A year ago I thought he had no cards against you and now he seems to be winning."

"Winning?" [menacingly] "He is not winning anything, Donnie! He is losing on all fronts!"

"Are you sure? Him allowing you to have your parade seems like he's winning."

"Again, whose side are you on, Donnie?"

"I usually like winners, Vlad. Especially underdogs like this, with no cards at the beginning."

"This is not your UFC fight, Donnie! I can't believe you are even saying this to me!" [hangs up abruptly]

Trump, into the receiver, "What did I say to make him this mad?"

***

Author's note: The following decree (executive order) was indeed issued by Zelenskyy today. I can't even imagine the rage Putin is going through seeing that Zelenskyy is "permitting" him to have his parade. Also, the precision of the Red Square coordinates is very sophisticated trolling.

DECREE OF THE PRESIDENT OF UKRAINE #374/2026

Taking into account numerous requests, and for humanitarian purposes outlined in negotiations with the American side on May 8, 2026, I decree:

To permit the holding of a parade in the city of Moscow (Russian Federation) on May 9, 2026.

During the time of the parade (from 10:00 a.m. Kyiv time on May 9, 2026), the territorial square of Red Square shall be excluded from the plan of application of Ukrainian weaponry.

Red Square coordinates:

55.754413 37.617733

55.755205 37.619181

55.753351 37.622854

55.752504 37.621538

This Decree shall enter into force on the day of its signing.

President of Ukraine

V. ZELENSKYY