TACO & PACO

On June 1, 2025 Ukraine conducted a massive drone attack on strategic bomber airfields deep in Russia. So deep the drones had to be delivered in secret double ceiling containers by long-haul trucks. The operation had been planned for 1.5 years in complete secrecy and had been personally supervised by President Zelenskyy. The drone attack was incredibly successful as Ukraine claims it has destroyed 41 bombers, or roughly one-third of Russian strategic bomber fleet. Russia has downplayed the operation results claiming that only five bombers had been destroyed.

As President Zelenskyy, Minister of Defense Rustem Umerov, Head of the Security Service Vasyl Maliuk, Commander-in-Chief Oleksandr Syrskyi, and Intelligence Chief Kyrylo Budanov watched the operation live on multiple screens in the presidential bunker, they were particularly amused by the Russian military officers on the bases under attack in Siberia live-streaming the drone destroyers with the commentary full of disbelief and obscenities.

"I guess this is the modern war for you," President Zelenskyy said, "We send them the killer drones and they live-stream their amazing work, for the whole world to see."

Everyone laughed, unable to peel their eyes off the screens. The operation looked like a video game, except that it wasn't a game at all.

"Make sure that the truck drivers get out of there safely," Zelenskyy said.

"They already did," Maliuk responded, "safe and sound, heading home."

"How come Russians are reporting that one has been arrested and is under interrogation now?" Zelenskyy asked.

"You know Russians, they will lie through their teeth to downplay the operation and overplay their successful investigation. Next thing they'll say is that only five bombers have been destroyed and that all the 'terrorists' have been arrested," Budanov chimed in. "It's all a psyop for them."

A red light on Zelenskyy's secure line came on, and he said, "I have to take this, guys, be quiet. Not a word."

Everyone nodded. Budanov scribbled on a piece of paper, "TACO?"

Zelenskyy nodded, trying to contain his laughter. Picking up the phone, he said cheerfully, "Good day, President Trump!"

"Is it really good, Volo...?" Trump stumbled over Zelenskyy's name again.

"It's really good for Ukraine, Mr. President. We have crippled Russian capacity to bomb our cities, targeting civilians."

"Really? I thought Russia only bombed your military targets," Trump said grumpily.

"Someone is giving you bad intel, President Trump."

"Hmm, I don't know about that. I really don't know. I thought this was legit. Speaking of intel, why didn't you share the details of this operation with me? After all, I'm footing your war bill?"

"With all due respect, President Trump, we have our own capacity to build the drones now. In modern warfare, this is a priority. We can't rely on anyone else in this."

"Really? And who's paying for you to build this capacity?"

"The money comes from different sources, Mr.President, including our own and European. I can assure you that the American military aid is always used the way it is supposed to be used."

"Really? I doubt that. In any case, why didn't you tell me about this attack? Aren't you supposed to share intelligence with us?"

"With all due respect again, Mr.President, you stopped sharing intelligence with us months ago. This operation has been years in the making..."

"Years???"

"Well, months to be more exact. Only our top commanders knew about it, to make sure it was successful."

"And was it successful?" Trump asked, seething.

"Certainly for us. Especially right before the negotiations tomorrow. Do we have the cards now to strengthen our negotiating position? I was really concerned when you said I have no cards, Mr.President."

"You know what, Volo...?" hangs up abruptly and adds to the air, "fuck you!"

Zelenskyy, looking at the receiver, smiling, "What did I do?"

"Do you think he is calling his friend PACO right now?" Budanov asked.

"PACO?" Zelenskyy asked.

"Well, yeah. TACO is Trump Always Chickens Out about tariffs and by analogy PACO is Putin Again Chickens Out about peace talks. Because I'm pretty sure after today's operation Putin will refuse to negotiate again," Budanov said.

"TACO calling PACO," Zelenskyy almost tasted his words, "I like it! I like it a lot. And yes, I think they are talking and that's why I'd never share intelligence with him. Three can play this game."